Look!
Up in the sky!
Is it a bird? No.
Is it a plane? No.
My golly goodness! It’s the most devastatingly wonderful, dashingly handsomest, gazelle of a man!
It’s HARRY CHEST jumping off the top turnbuckle! He’s here to save the day from all evil doers in existence!
Now, I know what you’re thinking!
How can that be possible?
Evil doers are positively devious.
They are delightfully deviant!
They are the scum of the planet!
Well let me tell you exactly how Harry Chest will overcome and triumph, random citizen!
When you have bountiful bouncing pectorals the size of hippopotamus bellies and biceps as big as the Statue of Liberty like Harry Chest does, evil stands no chance and has no choice but to cower in their little booties.
Starting to sweat now, aren’t we?
It’s okay! Relax! But keep a close eye out because he’s faster than a speeding Irish whip!
Blink and you might miss him!
He’s more powerful than a faction of luchadores!
That’s an entire group of leaping legged warriors!
By goodness, he’s Harry Chest! Protector and savior of all the random citizens!
Featuring a CLASSIC smile and chin dimples only a mother could love, free of charge!
Don’t forget his slicked back curly hair with the broadest of shoulders even Atlas would be jealous of!
He’s the defender of all that is good and righteous after all!
There’s no silly secret identity!
What you see is what you get.
A hero through and through.
There’s no changing into costume on a whim in a phone booth!
Harry Chest is always in uniform!
In fact, you can tell it’s him not only because of the water tight latex jumpsuit he constantly adorns, and we mean constantly, but also from the signature tuft of chest hair that protrudes from his collar!
Some even say breakfast morsels can often be found in his nicely matted chest hair! Harry, of course, calls those delectable little suckers midday snacks!
We genuinely wonder if he’ll ever shave!
This look is patent pending, of course.
Fear not though, for he’s super serious and here to save everyone while sending the evil doers from whence they came!
He can leapfrog tall opponents in a single bound thanks to his excellent dexterity!
He will use his enormous pectorals to suffocate those who oppose him into submission!
His intelligence is unmatched as he will outwit any nemesis that stands in his way with a variety of stunningly spectacular moves!
Speaking of opposers, that brings us to Johnny Saint Nelson!
Harry has only ever known Saints to be do-gooders so he definitely expects, nay, he DEMANDS an honorable battle of physical proportions with you in the Classic Wrestling ring! Who knows, maybe you two can SHAKE HANDS afterwards?
Regardless, he will headlock you with respect and slam you down to the canvas with pride as his eyes are on the ultimate prize and nothing will stop him from getting his spandex covered hands on the illustrious Classic Wrestling Worlds Championship Belt!
In all honesty, he might need it in order to keep his pants up.
His mission is clear and simple. To win, represent and defend the honor of the random citizens!
Do not fail to put on a spectacular spectacle of simply scintillating strength with Harry Chest!
Eat your red meat, chew your colorful vitamins, drink your skim milk and say your prayers to the greatest sentient being staring down from the heavens because when he’s done with you and all the junior random citizens out there are chanting his name, holding up his posters, and screaming out for autographs while he flexes, Harry Chest will be headed into the second round of the title tournament, leaving you seeing nothing but his cape fluttering away and little birdies dancing around the flashing lights!
Marching, actually. Yes, he will be marching into the second round with a victory over a Saint!
The mythic legend of Harry Chest will already be started with this monumental victory!
Lace up those boots good and tight.
Wrap those wrists with a little extra tape.
Don’t forget the baby oil, of course.
Tie up your boots and don’t forget to kiss your mother goodbye!
You’re in for a fight.
You don’t even know it yet.
Johnny, there’s one last thing you must remember.
When you face Harry Chest, you’re sure to fight the very best!
Onward and upwards, random citizens!