Before the camera can even fade into view the strains and grunts of two massive men can be heard, as can the clanging and clacking of free weights being dropped and reset for more lifting. The first thing the audience sees is the broad chest of Smashmouth, his veins bulging as he pulls a bar up to his chest, his biceps threatening to rip through his leathery skin as he grunts once again. A moment later Breakneck steps into view in front of Smash, his head tilted down as he runs his thumb and forefinger under his nose. As he looks up and sees the camera Breakneck turns straight towards it, his eyes flaring wide as his energy charges up.
Breakneck: YOU GOTTA DO THE WORK! HE’S WORKIN’! I’M WORKIN!
Break looks over his shoulder as Smash curls another two reps, grunting and exerting himself.
Breakneck: WORKIN’ SO WE CAN PUNCH YOU! MAYBE WITH OUR EYES! YOU WILL TASTE FEAR AND SPIDERS ARE AFRAID OF US! TELL ‘EM SMASH!
A resounding clang rattles the room as Smashmouth drops the heavily weighted bar to the floor and rolls his shoulders and then his neck as he steps over the bar and comes to stand beside Break. He takes a long breath, drawing himself up to his full height before violently stabbing a finger in the direction of the camera.
Smashmouth: Mooosh-gigi-whatever you made a choice. You put your name on a contract beside one half of Twisted Steel. You did what none of the rest of the babies in this fed were willing to do. You all know spiders are the scariest thing ever created by anybody!
Breakneck: I WILL PUNCH BABIES AND POMEGRANATES! TACO IS MY FAVORITE COLOR!
Break’s intensity and interruption start to light a fire in Smashmouth whose next sentence escalates in volume, even if the intensity was already there.
Smashmouth: SOME PEOPLE ARE CALLING YOU BRAVE! NOT US! SOME PEOPLE, BUT NOT TWISTED STEEL! WE WILL SLAP YOU FROM INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!
Smash reaches out and slaps Breakneck on the chest.
Smashmouth: WE DON’T THINK YOU’RE BRAVE! WE THINK YOU’RE STUPID! YOU’RE GOING TO GET HIT SO HARD THEY’LL BAN TWISTED STEEL FROM JAPAN! HELL, YOU’RE GOING TO GET HIT SO HARD YOUR GREEN CARD MIGHT EXPIRE! RIGHT BREAK?
Breakneck: YOU THOUGHT WE’D BE IMPRESSED THAT YOU STEPPED UP!? WE WERE IMPRESSED THAT THE OTHER BABIES WERE SMART ENOUGH NOT TO! WE’RE GOING TO DO BAD THINGS TO YOU! ALSO, GORILLAS AND BEARS ARE THE SAME THING!
As Breakneck’s commentary wanders into unknown territory, the slightly portly, middle-aged businessman whose stylish suit stands in stark contrast to the biker stylings of Twister Steel, steps into the shot, positioning himself so that Smashmouth is on his left and Breakneck is on his right, just a foot or two behind him.
Titus: Mushigiara of the Foreign Legion, you made a mistake. You’re the first, but you won’t be the last. I hope the rest of the company is paying attention because Tai Lopez tells us to “Learn from other people’s mistakes.” Well Mushigihara, people are going to learn from yours. You’re stepping into the ring with the living embodiment of PAIN, and SUFFERING will be stalking ringside keeping an eye on your partner Van Zandt.
Breakneck: YOU SAID IT FUCHS! HEMORAGES! CONCUSSIONS! FRACTURES! WE LIKE GRAPES!
Smashmouth: MOOOSH IS HEADED FOR DESTINATION PAIN! PAIN LEADS TO SUFFERING! TWISTED STEEL WILL MAKE A VAMPIRE BITE ANOTHER VAMPIRE! AND NOT THE GLITTERY KIND! TELL ‘EM BREAK!
Breakneck: WE HURT PEOPLE BECAUSE WE LIKE IT!
Smashmouth: WE’RE GOING TO REALLY… REALLY… LIKE YOU!
Just as Smashmouth says that Breakneck steps forward and shoves him hard in the chest. Smash staggers for a step and then steadies himself, before stepping back into Break and shoving him back. When Breakneck steadies himself and then cracks Smash in the mouth with a left hook. The violence explodes with almost no provocation.
Just a couple of feet in front of the erupting chaos Titus Fuchs, The Manager of Stars, looks over his shoulder and then shakes his head slowly as he turns back and stares knowingly into the camera. What he says next comes out slowly as he emphasizes both words.
Titus: Big. Mistake.
Looking back at the chaos of Twisted Steel making a scene no less than a Tasmanian Devil passing through, Titus Fuchs lets a smile appear on the side of his portly face. And then says with a squealing whisper.
Titus: Big……Mistake……