Spooky season is upon us, friends, and Double Decker is hauling ass.
We join the Baddest Bus in the Game as he races through some kind of Transylvanian hellscape. It’s dark, creepy, and a full moon hangs in the night’s sky. Flocks of bats, bugs, and other flying beasties swarm, pumpkins line the side of the road, and there’s probably a zombie or twelve lurking in the shadows, but Decker’s got the pedal to the metal and he ain’t slowing down for nobody.
DOUBLE DECKER: We can’t stop here, Garth! This is bat country!
A single vehicle’s lights can be seen on the darkened road ahead. It’s probably Scooby Doo and the Mystery Machine. And then, with a flash of lightning, it is gone! Double Decker’s eyes widen and he grips the steering wheel with a white-knuckled grip.
DOUBLE DECKER: Whoooaaaaa!
And then he catches the camera’s presence. A trademark smile stretches across the big dope’s features.
DOUBLE DECKER: Hey Classic Wrestling fans, how you doing out there?! It’s your pal The Big Greyhound here and let me tell you, I am going to get to this damn Haunted House by hook or by crook!
As if summoned by Decker’s words, a hook flies through the darkness and pierces the window by his side. It looks exactly like the hook worn by Hook in the popular movie… Hook. The big man lets out a yelp, but quickly swerves back in the right direction.
DOUBLE DECKER: Ol’ Decker can’t let his great tag team partner Rush Starling down, you see! This might be the spookiest journey I’ll ever make, but dammit, even if I have to bodyslam Jack Skellington himself, I’m gonna get there! And to get in the spirit, I’ve recruited my very own tag team partner for this journey!
We pan down to where the relief driver/navigator on a long-distance coach ride would sit, just to the driver’s right. A creature is sat in there, all buckled up, dressed in an adorable bus driver’s outfit identical to Double Decker’s.
It’s a goose.
A goose wearing a name tag that reads “Garth.”
DOUBLE DECKER: This here’s my pal, my compadre, my amigo, Garth! He really speaks my language, you know what I mean?!
DOUBLE DECKER: Right on, brother!
Decker leans over for a fistbump that Garth cannot do.
Because he’s a goose.
Geese don’t have fists.
DOUBLE DECKER: Pals, I know that if me and ol’ Rush are going to beat the Surf Express Bro, I gotta get my experience up! El Doublé ain’t used to teaming with others! So I figure if me and Garth here can get through this journey together, me and Rush can turn our match into a total… WIPEOUT. HAHAHAHAHA!
Decker cocks his head back, cackling away at his frankly tremendous surfing joke.
DOUBLE DECKER: See me and the Surf Express actually have a lot in common. I love surfing too! Just not on water…
If that was the case, Double Decker would be a boat. A tugboat, maybe.
DOUBLE DECKER: I’m more fond of surfing these here highways, brothers and sisters! But I know all about you guys. I’ve seen Point Break at least twice, and if that taught me anything, it’s that our match is going to be totally… ROADACIOUS. Right Garth?!
Garth literally does nothing.
DOUBLE DECKER: Right on, brother! But hey brothers and sisters, I got a lot to worry about here! There are ghosts, ghoulies, badgers, walruses, slugs… all kinds of scary beasts out there, and Double Decker doesn’t want to get caught! I’ll see you guys at the Classic Wrestling Studio! And surferguys! You’d best be ready for a fight, because everybody knows that travelling by water is for losers… and travelling by road, is totally ROADical, bro! HAHAHAHAHA! Let’s get the heck out of here, Garth, but first…
The gigantic transit-themed wrestler looks over at his little goosey pal. Miraculously, Garth looks back, and he knows exactly what to do…
DOUBLE DECKER AND GARTH: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKK!
It’s a perfect harmony. You have never heard a sound so sweet before.
And neither has Double Decker.
DOUBLE DECKER: Beautiful. Just beautiful. It’s enough to bring a tear to a big ol’ bus’s eye! Catch you later, friends!
And with a big ol’ wave, the big ol’ bus is out.