3… 2… 1… Action!
Bobby Dean and Lunchbox Larry are standing before a large green screen, with the camera pointing right at them. Larry looking intense, as Bobby Dean looks on with a plastic pumpkin full of delicious candy corn tucked under one arm, while the other goes from pumpkin to mouth, pumpkin to mouth.
Lunchbox suddenly steps forward, front and center, and points a stern finger straight forward.
LL: Listen here Foreign Legion! We’ve gone and done this song and dance time and time and time again! I feel like it’s about time we had that, “it’s not you, it’s me” talk. Perhaps, after In Your Haunted House we should go ahead and start to see other people?
Bobby chuckles at that, throwing Larry off for a second.
LL: I don’t know about you Mr. Dean, but I’m starting to get a little worried here. We’ve got them Legion boys backed into a corner, and I’m thinking this weekend them same boys’ll do just about anything to take these titles away from us…
The sound of the plastic pumpkin hitting the floor resonates throughout the room, as Bobby roughly pushes Larry out of the way, staring into the camera with the most intense look in his eye we’ve ever seen.
I mean, it would have worked, except Bobby Dean just so happens to be wearing his Halloween costume. Are you familiar with I Dream of Jeannie? Well, imagine the genie outfit except instead of it being a bright bubblegum pink, it is Bobby’s favorite California Blue.
BBD: No one is taking my motherf….
Larry looks shocked, but luckily the director shouting aloud drowns out whatever Bobby was about to say.
Director: You are doing this all wrong!
Bobby looks at Larry with a frown on his face, his arms roughly crossed under his chest.
BBD: I agree! Larry, YOU are doing this all wrong!
BBD: Yes, Promo 101 my friend. Step One, never mention your opponents. No one cares!
Larry looks confused.
BBD: If you have to mention them, come up with some other name that mocks them or belittles them. The Foreigners. The Legion of Dairy. The Foreign Losers. The Former Friends. Understand?
Larry just shakes his head, at a complete loss.
BBD: Rule Two, do NOT look directly into the camera. In fact, you should go ahead and face the opposite direction of the camera.
Larry reluctantly turns around, still shaking his head in disbelief.
BBD: Perfect! Rule Two-A, speak in a monotonous voice that is just above a whisper.
LL: Like this?
LL: Like this?
BBD: And rule number Three, you are not here to promote or sell tickets. People are already going to be there to see me, so no need to worry!
LL: You’ve got to be kidding…
BBD: Exactly! You’re getting it! Now, last but certainly not least, always be sure to talk about how great “Beautiful” Bobby Dean is.
LL: You mean BDSM right? How great BDSM is?
3… 2… 1… ACTION!
The camera shows the backside of Lunchbox Larry, as he paces back and forth, while Bobby Dean stands front and center with a smile from ear to ear.
LL: Listen up you Floridian Legos! At In Your Haunted House, “Beautiful” Bobby Dean is going to kick your teeth in! We’ve been doing this same song and dance. You don’t think we’ve got your number by now!? Shoot, you’re Speed Dial #1 at this point, right under the name “FL Can’t Win.”
Bobby continues to smile while miming a phone up to his ear.
LL: Bobby gets it. He understands, you boys got a little gold happy. You see these shiny titles sitting nice and snug around his waist and you just can’t help yourselves. But you hear me Legion. And you hear me good! You try to take HIS tag team titles!? You even THINK about those titles on any waist other than his, and OOOoooooooooooo!
Larry stops pacing, standing there (still with his back to the camera) his fists clenched at his side, his entire body shaking in seething anger.
LL: Those titles are never going to leave the hands of BDS… I mean, “Beautiful” Bobby Dean!
Bobby, still standing in that one single spot, continues to smile at the camera. Nodding his head to every word Larry says.
BBD: You heard the man.
Bobby reaches down and pats the two title belts wrapped comfortably around his waist.