We open on the emptied out television studio, save a dapper Otto Price standing front and center with a microphone in hand, Haul standing very close behind him with his arms crossed as he menaces Otto with his half-slit gaze, and Gnash circling the ring, madly flipping up the ring aprons and snorting with disdain when what he’s looking for doesn’t materialize.
Price: Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a Coliseum Home Video Exclusive with the dodgy aussie duo of Haul and Gnash: REPOSSESSED!
Haul leans in over Price’s shoulder, giving Otto pause as Haul murmers into the microphone.
Haul: G’day.
Price: H-Haul you two have been a dominant tandem here in Classic Wrestling, going three and one in both individual and tandem action. That success has led you back to the contender’s pool. That is if you can make it through the hodgepodge team of-
Gnash: OY! IS THAT THE BLEEDIN’ YANK THAT COMES OUT TO ACCADACCA?!
Gnash doesn’t bother waiting for a reply before ducking back under the ring apron abruptly, only to come up tense with frustration as he wraps his teeth around the bottom rope and gnaws down on it in aggravation.
Price: Mind telling me what your brother’s doing?
Haul: He’s looking for our esteemed mage champions. I told him that those dags put on ref shirts and did the ol’ shoot through when no one was looking, but he doesn’t believe me.
Gnash: DON’T GIMME THAT FURPHY! THEY’S IS BLEEDIN’ WIZARDS! YA JUST AGRO BECAUSE YA CAN’T DISAPPEAR WITHOUT GETTIN’ ME KNACKERED ON CAB SAV FIRST, YA BOGAN!
Haul: Forgive my brother’s verbiage. He’s crook.
Price: That’s fine. It doesn’t offend me (mainly because I don’t understand it), but I was curious what your thoughts were on Scott Hunter and King Kong Frank interjecting themselves into your challenge to the champions.
Haul: This Hunter, he mentions “dibs”. Is this common?
Price: Well, no.
Haul: It doesn’t work in the bush either. I don’t mind a man being entitled to another’s property. That’s been our destiny since falling off the teat. If we want chrome, and someone has it, we take it. It’s that simple. We don’t ask for permission. We don’t wait for the coast to clear. We charge in and nick it whether someone’s looking or not, and if they feel bothered enough about it to put up a fight then we welcome it.
Gnash: BLOODY OATH! THAT BLUDGER’S TRYNA CLAIM OUR PULL WHILE IT’S ON THE HOOK!
Haul: He also tried to impose his will on a very dangerous man that we’ve taken a shine to ourselves. It’s hard not to. After all, the man’s a champion ambassador of this neck of the woods.
Gnash: I’D OFFER ‘EM A SLAB O’ COLDIES AND A PAIR OF THONGS I BLOODY WOULD!
Haul: King Kong Frank, you’ve had your boorish take on us while calling commentary, but in truth we’re cut from the same tattered cloth. We’re self-sufficient survivors who don’t mind a bit of hard yakka and skulling a tinny in the arvo when a fair dinkum day’s work is done. We’re our own men…or at least, I thought you were until the Hunter decided to call dibs not only for you, but on you.
Gnash: THAT BLEEDIN’ ANNOYING MOZZIE SCOTT’S LEACHIN’ ON YA N’ CALLIN’ THE SHOTS! DON’T BE A SODDING DRONGO MATE!
Haul: And that’s where we differ. Repossessed doesn’t let others treat us like their all day lollies. Let’s be real here mate: on your own against us, you’ve got Buckley’s chance. Not outright cactus, but still not defo in the slightest. If you don’t think that’s how it’s going to feel with the Hunter waiting on the perch with his bead on us, yet unable to pull the trigger-
Gnash: THEN YOUS A SODDIN’ GALAH!
Price: A what?
Haul: It’s a bush colloquialism for fool.
Gnash: WHERE’S THE BLEEDIN’ GENIES GONE?!
Gnash kicks the ring steps and then follows up with a metal denting headbutt before storming off, throwing his hands up in frustration as an alarmed Otto and a nonplussed Haul look on.
Price: Sooooo…any last words?
Haul: Only a question: Reckon there will there be a tomorrow?
Price: Are you threatening me?
Haul: Only a fool would believe tomorrow’s impossible, right? Likewise,only a fool would take the promise of tomorrow at face value…right?
Price looks nervous as Haul hovers closer, only to pull away abruptly and follow his brother to the back as the camera fades out.