23 March, 2022
Rico’s Used Car Emporium
Several late model vehicles line the lot facing the street, signs propped under their open hoods advertise prices to passersby along with financing options “available to select customers.” One look at the old man named “Rico” and it was pretty plain to see how select those customers would likely be; his shit eating grin and reptilian stare penetrate the camera lens set up on the lot as he delivers his lines with glee.
“…and here at Rico’s Used Car Emporium we’re locking up these CRRRRAZY PRICES! That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, our prices are so low, they’re CRIMINAL!”
An authoritative voice comes from somewhere offscreen as Rico overacts being caught red-handed:
“Stop, in the name of the law! You’re coming with me!”
Walking coolly onto the scene comes a police officer dressed in a tightly fitting blue uniform who quickly slaps his handcuffs on Rico before turning to face the camera. His youthful features remain neutral under his peaked cap, aviators obscure his eyes, and his black, well manicured moustache accentuates his words beautifully:
“I’m Sgt Justice, the newest superstar in Classic Wrestling, and I’m taking you in, Rico!”
Another closeup of Rico’s strained face turned back towards the camera:
“On what charge, copper?!”
Back to a shot of the two of them as Sgt Justice delivers his line flawlessly:
“Your prices are beating up the competition. This is a clear case of ASSAULT & BATTERY!”
Various vehicles and their “locked in” prices flash across the screen, along with Rico’s brief descriptions; a 2018 Chevy Cobalt with only 95,000 miles for
$8995 “locked in” at $7995; a 2019 Honda Accord with a moonroof for $10995 “locked in” at $9995; a 2019 Ford Escape XLT for $12995 “locked in” at $11995; a 2020 Hyundai Elantra with custom interior and sound system for $15995 “locked in” at $14995.
Cut back to Sgt. Justice leading Rico to a waiting police cruiser, left rear door ajar. They pause as Rico looks directly into the camera with a manic look on his face.
“Get down to Rico’s Used Car Emporium today before these prices break free!”
Sgt. Justice gently helps the old man down into the back of the cruiser and closes the door before turning back to the camera.
“You can catch me, Sgt. Justice, taking on Derek Miracle on March 25th at Capital Clash…live from the Taft Coliseum in Columbus, Ohio! I’ll be bringing Law (he shakes his right fist at the camera), and Order (then his left) to Classic Wrestling as I fight for truth, justice, and the American way! If you’re one of the first 1,500 fans into the arena you’ll get your very own pair of officially licensed Sgt. Justice aviators…now that’s a STEAL!”
A few moments pass, when suddenly:
“Aaaaand, cut! That’s a wrap, guys! Rico, I’ll finish up the post production and email it to ya, ok? Rico?”
Sgt. Justice opens the door and the old man clambers out, nodding with a dismissive wave.
“Sure, Adam…just make sure you spellcheck this time, for fuck’s sakes…” his face softens as he meets eyes with his longarmed friend, “Listen, Jon…I just wanted to say thanks. You didn’t have to do this now that you made the bigtime, ya know?”
Justice nods with a knowing smile, “Yeah right, and if I didn’t I’d never hear the end of how you gave me my first job when I was a snot-nosed little punk. Thanks, but no.”
“Look, I know you told me not to get you anything, Jonny, but I couldn’t resist…I probably won’t see you as often anymore. Besides, it’s something you need. The last piece of the puzzle.”
He hands over a set of keys and pats the roof of the cruiser.
“Wait…Rico…you’re giving me the cruiser? What the heck are you gonna do? This is Rico’s Used Car Emporium’s trademark. I-I can’t take it.”
Rico closes Jon’s hand around the keys.
“You can, Jon…just make me proud. Go on up there and give ’em hell!”
Jon Ustice hugs his old boss tightly before opening the driver’s door and sliding into the seat. He slides the key into the ignition and cranks it over, rolling the window down with a beaming smile.
Things were finally falling into place, and he couldn’t be happier with his prospects. As he slowly pulled out of the lot he squawked the lightbar twice and stuck his hand out the window in a wave.