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Mikey Unlikey's Fed of All Feds

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The Biggest Wildheart Of Them All

Red Graphic: “The McMurray Show!”

Fade into a studio with a live audience and raised platform stage. Our host stands, in a sharp blue suit, holding a microphone and looking into the camera. An elderly man with silver hair, he smiles as the theme music dies down. Behind him sits a young boy, perhaps around ten years old, wearing a Freddy Kilgore t-shirt. Next to the boy sits his father – a slightly balding, somewhat chubby middle aged man.

McMurray: Welcome back. If you were with us before the commercial break, you saw the story of little Mikey Collins – a young man with a remarkable passion. Mikey has started a fan-club for his favorite wrestler, “Feral” Freddy Kilgore. And that fan club has grown to some 3,000 members strong and little Mikey has shown such maturity in keeping it running. 

The host turns to the boy and his father.

McMurray: Mikey, we here at the McMurry Show have been so moved by your passion that we’ve got a special surprise for you. I’d like a big round of applause for our next guest – “FERAL!” FREDDY! KILGORE!

The crowd erupts in applause and little Mikey absolutely loses his shit – he’s out of his chair, jumping up and down in excitement. From behind the curtain emerges Freddy Kilgore, dressed in wrestling attire and face paint. He pumps his arms to the crowd while flexing and howls at them – they howl in return. Around his shoulder is a replica of the Real World’s Championship, and he approaches and gives little Mikey a hug. Mikey is near tears. Kilgore kneels down so he’s level with the boy.

“Mikey, I heard you were my biggest little Wildheart in all the land, and Papa Wild Thang knew that he’d have to come and shake your hand! First off, I want to present you with this…”

Kilgore removes the Real World’s Championship from his shoulder and places it across Mikey. Mikey, now full blown crying, hugs it close. The father is beaming and puts his arm around his boy.

“Now you, baby, are the World’s Champion in Papa Wild Thang’s eyes. But that’s not all. I’ve brought another special gift: tickets for you and Dad here to the next FOUR television tapings of Classic TV, baby. You can be there live this Monday when Lord Colossus and Carlos Ruiz feel the call of the wild!”

The crowd roars its approval as Kilgore hands the father several sets of tickets. McMurray moves in front of the camera.

McMurray: Thanks for joining us, folks. Next week, I…

Suddenly, Kilgore shoves McMurray aside – but not before snatching the mic out of the host’s hand. Kilgore fills the frame, pointing directly into the camera.

“HOLD ON A SECOND, BABY! WE’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE JUST YET!! YOU SEE, MIKEY HERE IS GOING TO BE ON HAND TO WITNESS A TITANIC CLASH!! WITH MY BIGGEST WILD HEART OF ALL TIME CHEERING ME ON, PAPA WILD THANG IS GOING TO TAKE LORD COLOSSUS AND CARLOS RUIZ TO SCHOOL! LORD COLOSSUS THINKS HE’S BIG, THINKS HE’S BAD, BUT HE’S GOING TO FIND OUT WHO EXACTLY IS AT THE TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN WHEN FREDDY KILGORE CHOPS HIM RIGHT DOWN TO SIZE! AS FOR CARLOS RUIZ – I GOT NO BEEF, AMIGO, BUT PAPA WILD THANG IS GOING TO HAVE TO LIFT HIS LEG AND MARK HIS TERRITORY ALL OVER YOUR BIG RETURN! JUST HOW IT GOES!”

Somewhere off screen, we hear sounds of security getting organized.

“FREDDY KILGORE’S GOTTA GO SOON, SO LET’S END WITH THIS: DO YOU KNOW WHY I’M GOING TO RUN BOTH THESE MEN OVER LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN? BECAUSE WHEN I STEP INTO THE RING WITH THEM BOTH – IT’S NOT GOING TO BE LORD COLOSSUS AND CARLOS RUIZ STANDING ACROSS FROM ME – OH NO. IN MY MIND, IN MY HEART – BOTH THOSE MEN ARE GOING TO BE ALEX BRUDER!! BRUDER, AT CAPITAL CLASH, YOU GOT ONE OVER ON PAPA WILD THANG – BUT I AIN’T DONE WITH YOU! NOT BY A LONG SHOT! I WANT YOU TO WATCH THIS THREE WAY CLOSE, ALEX BRUDER – CAUSE YOU’RE GONNA SEE WHAT FREDDY KILGORE HAS IN STORE FOR YOU! YOU’RE GONNA SEE WHAT ALL BUSINESS REALLY LOOKS LIKE, BABY!”

At this point, security is rushing at Kilgore. Freddy grins, dropping the mic, and back body drops the first guard as Mikey cheers him on! As the others rush at him, hard cut to…

“TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK.”

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