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Classic Wrestling

Mikey Unlikey's Fed of All Feds

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TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT

The bell sounds and Metro finally relinquishes his vice-grip on the grapevined legs of Alex Bruder. Sweat pours down his bald head as a smile broadens across his war-torn countenance. His face tells the story of a man who never gave up chasing his dream and ultimately caught it with both hands.

The Classic Fans erupt as “Life in the Fast Lane” plays over the arena speakers, and Chip Newman hands him the big gold belt that is Classic Wrestling’s richest prize— the Real World’s Championship. The lights from up in the rafters glisten off of the gorgeous faceplate. Sparkling like the purest of diamonds and holiest of grails. He sees the former Champion’s name on the bottom of the title belt and his smile widens even further at the thought of Alex Bruder eating crow once again.

“Finally.” Vito thinks to himself. He raises the Real World’s Championship as high as he possibly can with his left arm and shouts a primal yell into an already ecstatic audience who are fully aware they just witnessed an instant classic.

Moments go by and as Vito poses for photo-ops in the ring with the fans who paid good money to see this main event happen, some of the fans begin to file out knowing they have to wake up in the early A.M. for work.

Vito decides to make his way to the elevated promo platform. Grabbing a mic along the way, Vito taps into it.

METRO: Folks, stay with me for a sec, wouldja? I’mma say some things that need to be heard from all of you and all of the boys in the back. I promise I won’t be long.

Those that began filing out suddenly stop in their tracks. Vito can’t help but feel surprised at just how well Cleveland wanted to listen to his words.

METRO: I just want to thank all-uh-you great METROpolitans out there. I honestly couldn’t have done this [holds the title up a bit and points to it] without all you guys and gals chantin’ my name and tellin’ Classic Wrestlin’ that ole Metro deserved a second chance at bein’ the face of this company.

Cleveland gives him a standing ovation, cheering very loudly at his heartfelt words.

METRO: And now? [turns toward the haunted house decorations from the entrance] For those of you in the back? Come on, now. For three months now, the guy over there, walkin’ back to the showers ten-pounds lighter? This guy sat on his ass and played games while all of you stood idly by. 

The crowd “OOOOOOH’s” unexpectedly.

METRO: I don’t get it. This title represents bein’ the best. By all rights, one of youse coulda already dethroned Alex and faced me tonight. We coulda had a banger of a match like what just happened. Maybe even one of you would be up here with the Real World’s Championship instead of me.  But that ain’t what happened. Instead I went unopposed for my opportunity. So I took it. Then I hit the bullseye.

So, here’s what I propose to all of you watching in the back. 

Stand up. 

Come at me. 

Take your best shot.

Try to beat the best wrestler in Classic. 

‘Cause THIS? This championship means just that: I am the best.

In that ring. 

In this entire company.

In the entire world.

And if you have a problem with that?

Then do somethin’ about it. ‘Cause I’m right here, and this is a new era for the Real World’s Championship.

WELCOME…

Rather than finishing the line, he holds the microphone up for the fans who yell “TO THE METROPOLIS!!!”.

Vito drops the mic as the fans explode with the same vigor and excitement that Vito just did as “Life in the Fast Lane” plays once again.

 

***

Lover.

Dash.

Brad.

Alex.

I don’t know whether youse finally decided to step up or if this is just a freebie. Maybe a hand out decided via lottery or the final result of a game involving a hairless raccoon, a blind parrot, a three-eyed flying woodchuck, and a badminton racket dipped in a vat of Bobby Dean’s sweat. Whatever the case is?

This is your opportunity.

And I’ll be there, at Episode 11, ready to shake the hand of the winner.

Ready to give my respect to the new challenger.

But just remember this: the last time someone refused my respect?

Well, ask one of your opponents what happened.

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