The moon hangs high over Lake Erie on another radical summer night in Ohio. A soundtrack being shredded by a cacophony of cicadas is being drowned by the anxious rumblings of hundreds of high-haired females and metalheads outside of the House of Blues in Cleveland. Under a mile from the Valhalla of metal, the renowned Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, the venue is buzzing with excitement, and so is Serena Reyes on location.
Serena:
Hello out there Classic Wrestling fans, my name as always is Serena Reyes and I’m coming to you live from the release of Classic Wrestling superstar and the King of Scream Rikki Roxx’s band Black Addler’s new album “Snakebitten.”
The latina adjusts slightly to stage left to give a better view of the horde of metalheads chanting “BLACK ADD-LER! BLACK ADD-LER!” She adjusts her ear piece as if she’s having trouble hearing herself before she continues.
Serena:
From everything I’ve heard it’s gone above and beyond expectations folks! These fans have been waiting here since halfway through the concert for the opportunity to get an autograph, a word, anything at all just to be close to Rik…
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
A high pitched squeal catches the Classic Wrestling reporter off-guard, wincing as the doors fly open behind her. As a wave of humanity crashes against the beach of the House of Blues. Security quickly moves to hold the line and protect our blonde-mulleted protagonist as he steps out behind a pair of mirrored aviator sunglasses. Somewhere in the chaos, a neon pink headband and a stone washed denim vest throw up the devil horns before panties of various colors come raining down from every direction.
Serena:
Here he comes now! Ladies and gentlemen, the Thrashman himself, Rikki Roxx!
His vest is being ripped from almost every direction as yellow-shirts part the sea like Moses. Taking just a moment to adjust himself, Rikki swaggers his way past the masses and towards the camera. With a cocky smirk on his face and a pair of ripped jeans that match his vest, the Roxxstar Extraordinaire is oblivious before he’s tapped.
Serena:
Rikki, this is Serena Reyes from Classic Wrestling, if I could have a word?
Stopping in his tracks, Roxx looks over at the camera and spits his gum out before brushing it away with the back of his hand. Then he looks over the top of his aviators at Serena Reyes, giving her a once over up and down with his baby blues before leaning into the stick microphone.
Roxx:
ALLLLLLLLLLRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGHT~!
His goosebump raising falsetto shakes Serena to her very core, she adjusts unconsciously as he continues on.
Roxx:
This is the best Classic Wrestling has to offer? I like it… I like it a lot. What a NIGHT, Serena! WHAT. A. NIGHT! New album drops TONIIIIIGHT and I get to spend it just minutes from the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Then, in a couple of days, I get to make my Classic Wrestling debut against Pauly Shore?
Serena:
Russell Schwartz.
Roxx:
RIGHT! You see I get all my second-rate henoise entertainers jumbled up in my head. Lots of ‘em. I’ve done a lot of partying in my time and I’ve met A LOT of squares. Most of them I don’t remember but getting past my demons is all part of the story that brought me RIGHT. HERE. TONIGHT. With you. With all my beautiful Roxxstars here tonight and at home. You see it’s been a bitchin’ ride but I’m over a year sober and now I’m living proof that you don’t have to get high to have a good time, right cherry pie?
Serena coyly smiles.
Roxx:
Tonight we lit the world of heavy metal on fire. Now Classic Wrestling better be ready to ROCK! It all starts with you, Schwartz. I hope you’re down to party, because it’s time to hang with the Thrashman! It’s just gonna be man to man. The next champion will be judged in the ring. BALLS TO THE WALL! I’m riding the lightning, dude! You better strap in. You’re in for the ride of your li…
Suddenly the security is breached and shrieking fans come rushing at Roxx and Reyes. Serena panics as Roxx runs past the camera, which just barely turns in time to catch him jumping into the back of a ruby red Screaming Chicken Trans Am Convertible. Its tires screech as he blows a kiss to his fans and Black Addler smokes off into the distance.