The Classic Wrestling logo flickers prominently in the background before the camera finds Serena Reyes holding a microphone. With a beautiful smile she looks directly into your home and begins to speak.
Hello Classic Wrestling fans! Let me present to you “The Thrashman” himself… Rikki Roxx!
With a pink headband tied around his head and the blonde mullet flowing, The Lord of Power Chords struts into the frame wearing a pair of mirrored aviators. He looks over his glasses at Serena Reyes with a smirk before she continues.
Rikki, your first round match with Randall Schwartz certainly didn’t go as planned, so… where does The Czar of Bars go from here?
Well you see cherry pie, The Thrashman has lear…
“GREAT SCOTT, RIKKI! WE NEED TO RUN!”
Bursting onto the scene is “Hellraiser” Del Taylor, the bass player for Black Addler, with his hair standing straight up like he’d been electrocuted. Wearing a white trenchcoat with burn marks, he appears to be in distress as he grabs the arm of his lead singer.
I’ve just come back from the future, Rikki! We need to save heavy metal from a grim fate! I can’t explain right now but we need to go back to the future!
Confused, Rikki shares a glance with Serena and tosses his sunglasses to the floor. With haste they burst through the door on stage left where outside is a Delorian with the doors already up. Inside are the rest of Black Addler. Roxx jumps behind the wheel and does a burnout driving off. Minutes pass with the Delorian off-screen before it comes roaring back to a screeching halt in the same place it left. Smoke rises as Rikki jumps out of the vehicle and Del Taylor ushers him back into the building.
The wall behind them now shows a band of three men rocking out in a dimly lit high school gymnasium. However this is not heavy metal. It’s foreign, gravely, and dirty. It lacks glam, power, and showmanship. It’s as if heavy metal has become tainted.
Oh no… what is this?! THIS ISN’T METAL AT ALL!
This is a band called Nirvana, Rikki, and this music is called grunge. In just a few short years this will become all the rage. It will inspire thousands of teenagers around the world to forsake metal and go on a different path! They call it a Rock & Roll Revolution…
No! How could this be?!
It’s Dash Dackson, Rikki! His continual interference with the space-time continuum has changed the future! A once prosperous eternity of heavy metal becomes corrupted by his influence when he knocks you out at Classic Wrestling Episode 4! Heavy metal loses hope when you fall, bringing a never-ending dark age to rock and roll that then turns into… THIS.
“Photograph” by Nickelback plays on the wall behind them and Rikki Roxx drops to his knees.
But you CAN change the future. If you beat Dash Dackson on Episode 4 of Classic Wrestling, you can put the universe back on the righteous path to a glorious reign of heavy metal that will last the test of time!
Rikki crawls across the ground, picking his mirrored sunglasses up off the floor and putting them back onto his face. Without assistance he reaches his feet and grabs the microphone from Del Taylor with righteous authority before looking directly into the camera.
DASH DACKSON, you’ve messed with the WRONG timeline FUTUREMAN. You may think that heavy metal is a passing trend of decades past… but you’re dead wrong. It’s more than skin tight leather pants and big hair, dude! Heavy metal is a life-force! It lives and breathes, I can feel it in the air around me, it’s the very essence in which we become radical! Heavy metal IS the universe!
Del Taylor nods in respect.
Randall Schwartz may have caught me with a cheap shot, and I may have lost a battle but heavy metal WILL win this war! IT CANNOT BE DESTROYED. For as long as there are electric guitars, microphones, hair spray, teen angst, men who wear makeup, and amplifiers that go past ten THERE WILL BE HEAVY METAL. WE WILL LIVE FOREVER!
Nickelback fades and darkness consumes the room before a pyrotechnic chord erupts and Black Addler suddenly appears around Rikki Roxx with all their instruments, playing their new single “Walk Through Fire” available in stores nationwide now!