It’s your typical high school in Anywhere, USA. The school bell rings in the background as all shapes and sizes of backpack wearing students shuffle down the hallway. Some stop at their lockers, some go for a drink from the water fountain, others cluster in groups to catch up on the latest gossip.
We’re focused on one particular group here: a baseball clad scrawny kid named Jeff who is staring down three much larger students. The middle one, Roy – the leader – has his hat turned backwards as he sneers down at his much smaller classmate.
“Listen, punk,” says Roy. “Who said you could make eye contact with me in the hallway?”
Jeff blinks, seemingly unsure of how to respond. “But, but I…”
Jeff never gets to finish that statement as he is roughly grabbed by the collar and thrown back against the locker. There is an audible gasp as the hallway clears so everyone can get a clear look at this act of aggression.
“Stay outta my way!” snarls Roy before opening a nearby locker and roughly shoving little Jeff inside. Roy slams the locker shut and turns to fist pound his cronies…
…when all of a sudden, the locker begins to shake as if a mini earthquake is happening inside. The bullies (and the rest of the kids) look confused and concerned when suddenly…
MOTLEY CREW: WIIIIIIIILD SIIIIIDE!!!
THE LOCKER VIOLENTLY EXPLODES OPEN! It falls from its hinges and takes a few other lockers with it: there is now a large gaping hold in the side of the school wall. Standing in the center of the hole as the debris begins to clear, holding a poor scared little Jeff, is “FERAL” FREDDY KILGORE! Kilgore is dressed in full wrestling attire, his face is fully painted, and he’s baby oiled to the max.
“Is somebody picking on my buddy Jeff here?” booms Kilgore’s voice. Jeff clings to a bicep, seemingly in shell-shock from the explosion.
Rory’s buddies immediately abandon him. The high schooler’s lip trembles as he struggles for words with the monstrous Kilgore approaching. With a roar, Freddy grabs Rory and presses him over his head for a moment before tossing him into the sea of high school children. Rory lands with a thud and then gets up and runs away crying.
Kilgore turns to look directly into the camera.
“BULLIES, BABY!!! I HATE ‘EM! You wanna know what happens to bullies? All my little Wildhearts are gonna find out first hand this Sunday, baby, when I smack Shujin Yama into next year. Shujin thinks he can throw his weight around. He thinks he can intimidate the little guy. He thinks he can muscle his way into becoming Premier American Champion. Well I got news for ya, brother.”
Kilgore flexes and furrows his brow. Jeff falls from hanging on to his massive arm and hits the floor in a sitting position.
“YOU CAN’T INTIMIDATE PAPA WILD THING, BAAAAABY! Bullies like to make their victims feel helpless. You like to make people feel helpless, Shujin? You do, because you’ve got no guts. YOU’VE GOT NO HONOR, SHUJIN! Well guess what, baby: Freddy Kilgore is gonna repay the favor when he does something no one else has done: lift you over my head and SLAM YOUR MASSIVE FRAME RIGHT THROUGH THE MAT!! This Sunday, I’m gonna show all the little Wildhearts across the nation what happens to bullies!”
Kilgore makes the “bring it on” motion with both hands into the camera while he licks his lips and his eyes appear ready to pop out of his skull.
“Freddy Kilgore is gonna do it for America, baby. Freddy Kilgore is gonna do it for ALLLLLL of Classic Wrestling! Freddy Kilgore is gonna do it for the kids! Freddy Kilgore is gonna do it for anyone who’s ever stood up to a bully!”
Kilgore leans back and howls like a rabid wolf. As he does, the school principal appears on the scene, seemingly flabbergasted by what she’s seeing.
“Time for Kilgore to split, baby!”
Kilgore turns to look down at Jeff.
“Remember kids: don’t be a bully or Freddy Kilgore will be paying YOU a visit!”
Jeff smiles and flashes Kilgore a big thumbs up. And with that, Kilgore jumps back through the hole in the wall, disappearing just as mysteriously as he appeared.
MOTLEY CREW: WIIIIILLLLD SIIIIIIDE!