We open on a red curtain backdrop. Dual spotlights weave back and forth in figure-eight motions. Two disembodied voices regale us with introductions…
“Avanti, little people of Classique Wrestling!”
“Prepare to be entranced!”
“Prepare to be bedazzled!”
“Prepare to be… AMAZED!!”
“By none other than the MASTERS of MAGIC and MAYHEM…”
Theatrical fanfare music begins playing. Twin explosions send up purple plumes of smoke, and magically appearing before our eyes are the twin wrestling and magic sensations, CARLO AND GOMEZ AMARETTO! They’re near identical, were it not for Carlo’s distinct soul patch and Gomez’s curled moustache. The brothers flair up their spectacular entrance with some cape flourishes and egregiously dramatic hand gestures, all the while cackling like goats.
CARLO & GOMEZ: THE AMAZING AMARETTOS!!
Carlo and Gomez detach the capes, remove their top hats, and hand everything over to their semi-lovely assistant SUZI, a thick and rough looking woman with arms covered in tattoos and a mirthless face showing zero enthusiasm for her job. She sulks out of the frame while the Amaretto brothers step forward to take up the entire view.
CARLO: Feast your beady little eyes, Classique Wrestling, upon two of the strongest and most spectacular acts to ever grace the stage or the professional wrestling ring!
GOMEZ: We are the TWIN WONDERS of WRESTLING… Carlo and Gomez Amaretto! And we promise to leave you absolutely spellbound with our unparalleled tricks and talents!
Carlo enchants the camera with wistful and mystical hand movements.
CARLO: That’s right, Gomez! We have come to Classique Wrestling to ENLIGHTEN you, little people! We have come to break down the thin veil of reality that blinds your puny, infantile minds from the mystique of MAGIC!
Gomez claps his hands and grinds his palms together
GOMEZ: And break a few SKULLS while we’re at it!
They exchange sinister glances and low, growling chuckles.
CARLO: What will be our first AMAZING act for our audience, Gomez?
Seemingly from out of thin air, a deck of cards appears in Gomez’s hands.
GOMEZ: How about the AMAZING ACE-CATCHER, Carlo?!
CARLO: The Amazing Ace-Catcher, HAHA, YES!!
Carlo hurries off-camera as Gomez shuffles the deck while performing some basic dealer tricks with smooth discipline.
GOMEZ: For this trick, we shall need a volunteer! Suzi…?
Suzi returns to the shot, ushering with her a “volunteer” that looks like a random studio grip that’s been pulled on stage. The grip, a young and skinny guy, looks absolutely confused. Grinning sadistically, Gomez spreads open the deck and presents it to him.
GOMEZ: Pick a card… ANY card… and hold it up for all the little people to see with their little eyes!
The grip draws a card seemingly at random and holds up the ACE OF SPADES to the camera outside of where Gomez can see. In the background, Carlo appears to be setting up a ladder.
GOMEZ: Now, now… back in the deck it goes…
The grip slides the ace back into the deck and Gomez closes it up. Without warning, he seizes the grip by his scrawny arm and twists it into a wristlock. The poor guy yelps in pain. In the background, Carlo is now scaling the ladder…
GOMEZ: Only to be found by…
As Carlo reaches the top, Gomez whips his hand and sends all fifty-two cards fluttering into the air.
CARLO: …the AMAZING AMARETTOS!!
Carlo jumps off the ladder and brings an open-handed slap down HARD on the poor grip’s forehead, sending him crumpling to the stage. Appearing in his striking hand is one of the airbound cards, which Carlo turns to show the camera. It’s the ACE OF SPADES!!
CARLO & GOMEZ: AMAZING!! HAHAHAHA!!
Suzi drags the “volunteer” off the stage as Carlo and Gomez overtake the frame again.
CARLO: And that is only a preview of the display of dazzling demolition that awaits whoever may be foolish enough to step into the ring with the AMAZING AMARETTOS and challenge our methods in magic!
GOMEZ: Believe us… the experts of the unbelievable! We will leave the little people BEDAZZLED, and the opposition BROKEN! And it will be easy as…
Carlo holds up his left fist to reveal the “ABRA” tattoo on his elbow.
Gomez holds his right fist to reveal the matching “KADABRA” ink on his own.
CARLO & GOMEZ: HAHAHAHAHA!!
The brothers look at each other and enjoy a long, evil laugh before twin plumes of smoke again magically appear and they disappear from thin air.