We open inside a television studio with the Classic Wrestling banner attached to a red velvet background, and a vintage phonograph sat upon a table on the stage. Basic subtitles allude to the fact this is “A RANDALL SCHWARTZ PRODUCTION” as the man himself steps out onto the stage, a smile on his face as he approaches the phonograph. He remains silent as he turns the hand crank, setting the machine in motion before finally speaking.
“Greetings, Classic Wrestling fans! I’m here to talk to you about sounds…more specifically, the difference between music and noise. Music is a sound that creates a sense of pleasure in someone who listens to it, whereas noise creates an unsatisfactory response. Noise is unnecessary, unwanted. This…this is noise.”
Randall lifts the needle onto the record on the turntable, and after a moment begins to play heavy rock music. This makes the Entertainer cringe, almost wincing in pain as he quickly lifts the needle off the record.
“Disgusting, disappointing, disastrous. Rock and roll is an unfortunate derivative of other genres of music, most notably classical. The works of Beethoven and Mozart have been stripped of what makes them pleasing to the ear, replaced by screeching guitars that would make normal men go insane…which would explain the likes of one Rikki Roxx.”
Randall shudders at the thought, before stepping behind the phonograph to remove the vinyl, quickly replacing it with another album before setting the needle back upon the turntable. After a moment, we are greeted with the familiar overtures of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, returning a smile to Randall’s face.
“This, on the other hand, is much more pleasing to the ear. This is music…unadulterated, untarnished, unrelenting in its beauty. This is much more inspiring to the masses than that filthy rock and roll garbage.”
The music continues as Randall steps out in front of the phonograph.
“Now, I’m sure you folks watching at home might not recognize the difference, but that is where I come in. I am here to teach you what is right and proper, as is my civic duty. I may be an Entertainer, but even celebrities know when they have to cultivate a sense of culture. I am a man of class, unlike that scoundrel Rikki Roxx.”
The smile that was on Randall’s face is now replaced by a condescending sneer.
“Rikki, you go around wailing on your guitar, singing promises of a good time…but it’s all just noise, noise, noise. You are not a civilized man like me, Mr. Roxx…why, I’d more liken you to a wild man, and heaven knows we already have a couple of those running around these parts. Thus, it is my duty to expunge the filth of your rock and roll, and put the class back into Classic Wrestling.”
The sneer soon becomes something more sinister, a snarl on the Entertainer’s face now appearing with his tone becoming more angry by the second.
“Rikki, you no-good fiend! You call yourself the King of Scream, but the only screaming that’s gonna come this weekend in Texass is when I put the hurt on you! Do you understand what I’m trying to say, or do I need to spell it out so your simple mind can understand it better? S-C-R-E-A-M, scream! You’re gonna be screaming in pain, begging for mercy, the only tune you’ll be singing is ‘Help’ by The Beatles! I will beat you this weekend, mark my words, and I will get one step closer to what’s rightfully mine! That Real World’s Championship is as good as mine, and you’re my first step toward proving that I am as good as I say I am, pal!”
That last statement comes in a loud shout, soon followed by incoherent yelling as Randall works himself up into a frenzy. He eventually goes a bit overboard, knocking over the phonograph and yelling obscenities as a stage manager rushes into the scene to restrain him. We are then greeted with an obvious cut, returning us to a much more composed Randall Schwartz sans phonograph.
“I would like to apologize for my words and actions just now. Nothing riles me up more than this business. I would just like to reiterate how happy I am to be joining the ranks of Classic Wrestling, and look forward to showing these fans what the Entertainer is capable of. Especially you, Rikki Roxx…or should I say Rikki Suxx? You heard me, you–”
Randall is cut off mid-sentence as the scene fades to black.