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Classic Wrestling

Classic Wrestling

Mikey Unlikey's Fed of All Feds

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Men Ripped In Half.

Backstage of the Gund Arena, Halloween night.

Tonight’s event, Classic Wrestling’s “In Your Haunted House”, finished long ago. The burly Japanese man known as Mushigihara sat alone in the locker room, pounding the last of the beers a generous concessions employee gave him with a satisfied moan.

He and his partner had a big victory earlier on, but he was still waiting on their manager to return with the championship belts THEY had earned, and he had just finished the beers that were helping him cope with his growing impatience. Now there was just him, his gym bag, and his bubbling temper.

As he stared into space and grumbled, he could hear approaching footsteps. He turned his head in the direction of the steps, but his glowering disposition broke when he saw his brother-in-arms, dressed in a more formal outfit and looking confused.

Mushigihara:
Osu?

Leon Van Zandt waved and nodded, but not in celebration. Rather, he looked apprehensive, and unsatisfied.

Leon Van Zandt:
My friend. So, we did it, yes?

The monster nodded and, with a groan, pulled up one of the empty plastic cups and waved it as if to say “sorry I drank all the booze.”

Leon Van Zandt:
Ahhh, it is quite alright. I am a little… spoiled when it comes to beers, you understand.

A beat.

Leon Van Zandt:
I wanted to talk about Meneer Dante.

The Emperor tilted his head and raised an eyebrow while muttering an inquisitive “mmmm?” Van Zandt sighs and continues.

Leon Van Zandt:
Do you ever get the feeling that Meneer Dante does not have our… best interests at heart?

Mushigihara looked down onto his lap, where his Classic Wrestling Tag Team Championship belt SHOULD have been, and nodded.

Mushigihara:
…osu.

———————————

“Magic and wrestling aren’t that far apart from each other, you know.”

Cold open.

Eddie Dante greets us, flanked on either side by his men, Mushigihara and Leon Van Zandt. The Classic Wrestling Tag Team Champions stare at us unexpressively, as Dante glows with the tag team championship belts draped on either shoulder, matching his shiny smile.

Eddie Dante:
Businesses that made their bones traveling the countryside, putting on shows for the masses to enthrall, entertain, and most important of all… separate those masses from their hard-earned dollars.

Dante chuckles and he pulls the belts off and hands one each to his clients.

Eddie Dante:
Of course they’re not entirely similar; of them is a form of entertainment and theater that revolves around the arts of misdirection, storytelling, and physical presentation to hypnotize the audience into wanting more.

A beat. And a wink.

Eddie Dante:
The other, of course, is the brutal and intense sport of professional wrestling, where titans such as my Foreign Legion ascend to the mountaintops and reign supreme! Where pretenders like the Amazing Amarettos step up, only to get knocked down, much like the farcical duo of Bobby Dean and… Some Man, at In Your Haunted House.

With a grin, Dante points a thumb on either side, bringing focus to the belts the Foreign Legion lads are currently strapping to their respective waists.

Eddie Dante:
The point is, Mushigihara. Leon Van Zandt. The Foreign Legion rules the Classic tag team division now. And that is no trick; magical, Halloween, or otherwise. It is simple, distilled FACT, and as THE premier manager in Classic Wrestling, that is going to STAY a fact for as long as these men and I decide to keep it that way!

Mushigihara nods and grumbles.

Eddie Dante:
And Carlo and Gomez Amaretto simply do not have what it takes to dethrone us, ESPECIALLY in the Foreign Legion’s first defense of these titles! Their parlor tricks simply are no match for the pure strength and brutal grappling that these men bring to the ring.

Van Zandt himself nods, raising his hands to his face before balling them into fists, insinuating the act of breaking his opponent to pieces.

Eddie Dante:
And when the smoke clears on Episode 12 of Classic Wrestling, WE will be the ones left standing, soaking in the applause of the enthralled audience, while YOU, Amazing Amarettos, will have become the subject of a little magic trick of our own… Men Ripped In Half.

Mushigihara:
OSU!!!

The Emperor now lets loose a mighty roar, as Dante wraps this baby up.

Eddie Dante:
This Sunday is the first day of the rest of our reign at the top of Classic Wrestling. And Carlo, Gomez? You’re just a sideshow.

Cut.

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