It’s been nearly a month since the wonderful warrior of the waves, Bowie Abrams, defeated the creepy conjurer of Classic Wrestling, Gomez Amaretto, despite his brother Carlos’ best (worst!) efforts. And your favorite bros have been living it up and celebrating since then!
But now, it’s time to focus.
Yet another challenge awaits them, in the form of a mighty superhero and all-around swell dad man, Harry Chest, and a daring time traveler and his wise robot pal, Dash Dackson.
A daunting challenge indeed for the superb soldiers of the seas! But Surf Express Bro are nothing if not up for the task.
They’ve pounded the treadmill. They’ve pumped the iron. Sat down with bags of Hot Cheetos, cotton candy BANGs, and past Classic Wrestling episodes featuring Harry and Dash. And now, there’s only one thing left to do.
Bradlee: Bro, I totally can’t believe we’re gonna meet Keanu Reeves, dude!!!!!
Say what now?
Bradlee and Bowie stand amongst a throng of eager fans who have just piled out of an all-day showing of a handful of the actor’s greatest films, including John Wick, The Matrix, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and, of course, Point Break. As part of the event, the theater managed to secure the actor for a meet-and-greet with the attendees after the films’ conclusions.
Most of the patrons were dressed in various cosplay outfits of Reeves’ characters, but not the Bros. Clad in loud Hawaiian shirts and board shorts, the dynamic dudes of the deep chomp on popcorn and M&Ms while waiting in line.
Bowie: This is like a dream come true, dude!!!! Our hero is gonna be here, in the flesh, and we get to, like, high-five him and absorb some of his absolute righteousness!!!
Bradlee: Dude, do you think that righteousness can transfer from person to person like that?
Bowie: Yeah, dude. It’s like, osmosis, or whatever. Bill Nye the Science Dude said so.
Bradlee: Oh man, that’s awesome bro. We’re totally gonna need that when we face Harry and Dash. Dash has, like, the powers of the cosmos and aliens behind him and Harry gets his superpowers from his sweet chest hair.
Bowie: Don’t forget about the robot, dude.
Bradlee: Yeah. (He sighs) I wish we had a robot. You know how much I love Johnny 5.
Bowie: Bro, don’t worry. I bet Keanu will buy us our own Johnny 5. Or, like, Optimus Prime. Oh, I almost forgot…
Bowie reaches into his fanny pack and pulls out a bottle of Rogaine, which he dispenses into his palm and rubs over his bare chest. He hands it over to Bradlee then wipes his palm on his shorts.
Bowie: Here, dude. We gotta keep up with the applications. I heard this stuff works, and I know it’s gonna help us once we’re in the ring against Harry Chest.
Bradlee: Man, bro, it’s so much harder to grow my chest hair back after having it waxed.
Bowie: Yeah but like, it will form a natural barrier against Harry’s devastating attacks. If we can deal with a buffer of chest fur for one match, combined with our natural California glow, it will be no match for the mightiest of Classic’s superheroes!
Bradlee: Bro I’m, like, totally sold! Besides, if it’s good enough for Joe Rogaine, then it’s good enough for me!
Bradlee also slathers the hair growth product over his chest as the surfers supreme have suddenly found themselves at the front of the meet-and-greet line. This is especially curious since the line was so long and now it seems to have … disappeared.
Theater Employee: Hello and welcome to the meet-and-greet, do you have anything to be signed?
Bowie and Bradlee look at each other, then at the table in front of them.
Back to each other.
Back to the table.
Bowie and Bradlee: BRO, YOU AREN’T KEANU REEVES!!!!!
Indeed, the man sitting before them is not People’s Choice Award Nominee, Keanu Reeves, but it sure does look a lot like him. He’s dressed like John Wick: five o’clock shadow, tailored suit and all. He gives the Bros a “sup” nod and clicks his black Sharpee.
Theater Employee: Yeah…we couldn’t get Keanu. But we did get this Famous Celebrity Impersonator Guy instead.
Famous Celebrity Impersonator Guy: You guys want an autograph?
The Bros look completely heartbroken, and almost say no, until Bradlee pipes up.
Bradlee: Dude, will you buy us a robot?