“Where is he? Doesn’t he know he’s got a match in under an hour?”
“He’s always been like this. Let’s not act surprised now.”
The second man mumbles with his lips clenched together on a burning cigarette. It’s none other than Viper Stryfe, lead guitarist of the band Black Addler. He just continues to look down at his guitar, face obscured by a massive permed black mullet, plucking unconsciously. The first man, a legless drummer in a wheelchair with a greying goatee and a bandana, pushes the issue.
Skinz McKenzie:
I think we should call him again.
A totally bitchin’ falsetto interrupts everyone’s thought process.
“ALLLLLLLRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHTT~!”
The Roxxstar struts into the backstage area like he owns the venue.
Roxx:
Why so panicked my dudes? We have a Slam-A-Thon to go bless with the gift of metal!
A third man, who apparently was there the whole time and plays bass, chimes in before Rikki swaggers away.
Hellraiser:
So have you got together with Scott Hunter yet? Your match is coming soon, Rikki. You’re the opening act!
Roxx:
Scott Hunter? Nah, I don’t know the dude… but I’ll tell you what, as long as he’s not a square and he’s down to party he’s a juke box hero in my book. I’ll even pull the little youngster aside and teach him the ways of heavy metal. Pass down the riffs learned along the way. After all, everyone loves the Thrashman, right boys? We’ve shared a lot of stages in our career and if we could make it work with Ozzy and Axl, with as hot blooded as they are, I can make it work with anyone.
Skinz:
Christ Del, no need to be so urgent, he’s the Founding Father of Falsetto!
Hellraiser:
My bad man, let’s go take down the Foreign Legion!
The Founding Father of Falsetto stops in his tracks and quickly turns around to look back at his lead shredder.
Roxx:
I thought Lou and I were cool… why is he sending the legion after me?
Viper:
Nah dude, I think you’re confused tonight you’re facing the Foreig…
Roxx:
The Foreigner Legion! Those dudes are as cold as ice. Man, ever since I went to rehab Lou has reached out and he’s been a pretty radical friend and really helped me out. He taught me to use my platform to reach out to the children and make a difference.
Skinz:
No, Rikki, what he’s trying to say is…
Roxx:
We didn’t cover their songs did we? That dude has a pretty good lawyer and if we don’t get our stuff together we might lose everything we…
Hellraiser:
NO RIKKI. FOREIGN Legion. NOT FOREIGNER.
Suddenly the truth hits the Thrashman out of the blue, and he has a good chuckle before finally acknowledging the truth of the matter.
Roxx:
Right, right… THAT Foreign Legion! You know, typically I’d go find that bangin’ Serena chick and have a few words for those guys, but they probably don’t speak English so I’m going to have to communicate with them the best way I know how… and that’s the language of heavy metal!
The Black Addler trio look back at their leading man with conviction.
Roxx:
Heavy metal transcends ALL languages. You don’t have to understand the words to feel it in your soul… just crank it up to eleven and know that it SHREDS, am I right? It doesn’t matter if you speak Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, or look at these, ROCK WILL FIND A WAY.
Black Addler cheers in support.
Roxx:
If the Foreign Legion want to go at war with the world, HEAVY METAL WILL HOLD THE LINE. My new bandmate Scott Hunter and I will fight tooth and nail! With the power of metal behind us we’ll have those two seeing double vision! Metal will go on until the end of time! You may look at me like I’m some kind of dirty white boy but when the night comes down, and things get low down and dirty, WE WILL put metal on our shoulders and rock until the end of time!
Black Addler shouts, inspired as Rikki Roxx clenches his fist in the air. Suddenly a phone rings just outside of the shot grounding the moment. You can hear a young woman answer as the band looks back at her off screen with curiosity.
Personal Assistant:
Lou Gramm is on the phone for you guys, says something about a cease and desist?
Roxx:
FUCK.