Mallets on animal skin pound out the rhythm of war. Somewhere a blonde herculean figure clothed in animal skins raises a sword to the sky, the battle lust full upon him. Slaying his enemies, none can take the sword, though thousands stand against him. The sky clouds over grey, the lightning of gods answers in response…
The small hairs on the back of Walt Whezl’s neck stand from a feeling deep within his reptilian brain.
He idly scratched at the standing hairs, his painted face twisting in a true frown. Hard to detect with his face painted in a ghoulish frown cornered with inverted crosses and other symbols and ephemera from black metal.
Topped with a carnival barkers hat, a cape, and an all-black outfit, which on the off chance you may have forgotten who he was, had his face and name airbrushed in a style befitting the nineteen-eighties across the pelvis and thighs down to the knees. The back of his cape helpfully had a golden cobwebbed bat skeleton.
With him, towering above him is the new Lord Colossus, face hidden underneath an executioner’s hood, “physique” covered by a broad and looming cloak made from what appears to be velour. On either side of the Molassal… Colossal man are Huginn and Munnin both dressed in mini-me approximations of the larger man, spirit Halloween level gear replete with new Executioner hoods. In front of them is an altar draped in the darkest midnight. It is also at the same exact time a wooden folding table of the sending another man through type. It is covered with a black tablecloth, disposable, that also has a random array of silver dots. Call them stars.
On top of this is piled what initially appears to be a great sum of money, it is barely contained on the table itself. The Bills are money colored. But there is something distinctly… off about them.
“Walt Whezl has moved out of the cryptocurrency market just as it has crashed to earth! He has invested wisely all of his richly material gains at the hands of The ONLY Lord Colossus who looms like the shadow of a shadow!
HE HAS INVESTED ENTIRELY IN THE BOBBYLAND DOLLARYDOO!”
Whezl cackles evilly as he throws a handful of bills skyward, each of which inexplicably has the face of Bobby Dean where someone of more historical import(like a president, or the monopoly man) would be.
“WEALTH beyond calculation. Power to rule the universe is now in the hands of Walter Whezl! I AM THE MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE! I feel the cosmoses pulse through me! The Amazing Amrettos will KNEEL! Before their new masters.”
Whezl rubs his hands together as he continues to cackle.
“HUGINN COME FORWARD!”
Huginn does this.
“After secret consortium with Lord Colossus in Secret. The cosmos has decided to give you a new name! BATTLE DOOM OCULTA! KNEEL AND RISE ANEW.”
Battle Doom Occulta does this.
“Feel the power of the cosmos and Lord Colossus flow through you!”
He steps backward next to Munnin.
“MUNINN COME FORTH AND KNEEL!”
Munnin does this with as much solemnity as he can muster.
“AT this very same secret consortium, we consorted and consecrated YOUR NEW NAME. RISE ANEW AND IN POWER WARGOAT IMMORTUM!”
Wargoat Immortum stands.
“Now return to your place of power!”
Walter Whezl cackles evilly rubbing his hands together.
“With all of the power and the wealth of the cosmos at our disposal and the DoomBolts and the only Lord Colossus, the Amazing Amarettos have no chance! The very will of power bends against them! When they get out of their cookie container, as Walter Whezl has researched they come from, they will crumble! CRUMBLE INTO A THOUSAND DELECTABLE PIECES! ALL OF WHICH WILL BE CONSUMED BY THE TRUE AND ONLY MASTER OF THE COSMOS.
THE! LORD COLOSSUS! Forced to kneel, their confectionary shenanigans will not be able to withstand the appetites of the powers which I singularly command! Walter Whezl is going to continue to gain the power from the wealth, and remake CLASSIC Wrestling in his image!
It has been DEMANDED! FIRST YOU GET THE MONEY! THEN YOU GET THE POWER! THEN THE CLASSIC WRESTLING!”
Lord Colossus raised his arms.
Whezl’s face twisted in real anger, grabbing a stack of Bobbyland Dollarydoos he pegged the masked man in the chest.
“QUIET YOU! OR I WILL SELL YOUR NFT RIGHTS AGAIN!”
Each Bolt earns a loud thwack from Whezl’s umbrella cane also for sniggering