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Mikey Unlikey's Fed of All Feds

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Freak Show

We open to the sights and sounds of a traveling circus as bold letters inform us this is “A RANDALL SCHWARTZ PRODUCTION,” before we cut to what appears to be the face of a monster…with a sign above that reads “THE HOUSE OF CURIOSITIES” raising awareness of what’s inside. We are then greeted with a man spouting fire from his mouth, a tall woman towering over an amazed crowd of children, and two rotund clowns juggling swords between them. We eventually settle on one final sight, the man of the hour himself…Randall Schwartz, wearing a ringleader’s uniform complete with a fancy top hat. Randall greets us with a bow and a smile, before he begins to speak.

“Hello, one and all, and welcome to the House of Curiosities! Here you will find a freak show for the ages, an inclusive space that offers open arms to those looking to escape from the burden of a world that rejects them. There’s always room for one more here in this house…but every curiosity paid a price to enter.”

From behind the Entertainer, a projector flickers to life, revealing a video playing upon the wall…a video of Jay Evans making his debut in Classic Wrestling, and a nearby phonograph begins playing a big band tune. His smile fading into a stern, stoic stare, Randall speaks once again.

“Tell me, Mr. Evans…when you waltzed into this traveling one-ring circus, did you ever expect things to go the way they did? Things just didn’t quite go your way, in your ONE MATCH I’d like to point out…and you immediately folded under the pressure. You talked about how you keep getting back up…but then said you’d stop wrestling if you lose at ClassicMania. Do you really think you can escape so easily?”

Randall raises an eyebrow, shaking his head with a chuckle before continuing as the footage behind him changes to Jay’s interview at the most recent episode of Classic TV, including the attack by Randall.

“No, Mr. Evans, I think you’re just getting started here in this freak show. The thing about circus life, as in pro wrestling, is that it beats you down, over and over again, running you ragged and weary…and you can either give up, or persevere. I see so much potential in you, but every curiosity joining this house must undergo a trial by fire to prove their value.”

Eventually, the projector shuts off, bringing yet another smile to the face of the Entertainer as the music continues to play.

“That’s why I attacked you at the Studio, Mr. Evans. If you thought your trial of fire was over after losing your in-ring debut, you ain’t seen nothing yet. As something of a celebrity myself, I’ve made it my mission to make you famous…the headline act of this House of Curiosities. When we step into that ring, we will put on the performance of a lifetime…and for you, the trial truly begins. I will put you through your paces, revealing for all to see just what you’re made of…and when all is said and done, we will find out if you can sink or swim in this crazy business.”

With that, the record scratches as it comes to an abrupt end. With it comes an end to the smile on Randall’s face…only to be replaced with a wicked grin.

“Jay Evans, when you step into the ring with me at ClassicMania, you will be stepping into the House of Curiosities…and we must protect this house.”

With that, Randall laughs as he tips his hat, and we fade to black on the image of an Entertainer ready to make a statement at the biggest Pay-Per-View event to date for Classic Wrestling!

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