As soon as the shot kicks in, we get a pretty good idea of what we’re in for.
Standing in the middle of rocky terrain, wearing a light tan tunic with a burgundy vest, is Scott Hunter. He has his hair in a slightly curled, mussed-up style and a thin mustache, with a scar, obviously fake, on each cheek. He slightly raises a sword and ends up looking something like Inigo Montoya from Princess Bride.
When he speaks, he has a slight Spanish accent, for unknown reasons.
HUNTER: “Hello.”
There’s no one else here. Wind blows lightly. Hunter’s eyes dart slightly, realizing again that he came up here alone and he re-steels himself.
HUNTER: “My name is Scottrigo Huntoya – you keel my fah-ser. Prepare to die.”
Once again, there’s no one HERE, SCOTT.
“Oh”, he realizes.
Hunter lowers the sword.
HUNTER: “Mee-ster Cah-pone, I am here because I fully expect your attack. We are-a not-a so diff-rent, you and I. You see….”
Hunter sits on a nearby rock.
HUNTER: “When I was-a very small boy, my family come to Amer-ee-ca. The land of oppor-tunity they say. Very very poor man, my fah-ser. But ver-a proud. He was a brilliant sword maker. One day, a very tall American come in. He say he want a sword made for his-a son. He have a young boy with him. Always a-strike me as strange that boy. He dress in a three-piece suit, with a little fedora, and smelled like cannolis, and he was five. I always think that-a bit odd for a boy my age. He probably get picked on, I think.”
“Either way, my father, he agree.”
“One day, the tall Amer-ee-can return. He want-a the sword but at one-tenth the promised price. My father is a proud man. Obviously, he refuse. The tall American stab him through the heart.”
Hunter gets slightly emotional, a tear forming in his eye as he looks wistfully into the distance. A whippoorwill calls from off-screen.
“Now… I love my fah-ser. So, naturally, I challenge hees keeler to a duel. I fail. The tall uniformed Amer-ee-can spare my life. But he leaves me thees…. (Hunter gestures to his left cheek ‘scar’) …and thees.. (Hunter gestures to the right one). The small boy, the one in the suit, with the fedora, and the Italian dessert smell… with the small peee-nis, he laugh at me. I always remember thees. I swear revenge.”
“The tall Amer-ee-can die before I can have my vengeance, so I turn my attention to his son, the smirking young patriot in the coh-lors of your country. How surprise am I to see that you Tony Cah-pone… are that very boy.”
“I have wait for dees day for many years and now, in my first match in Classic Wrestling, I shall face you. I shall NOT fail. I shall stand face to face with the son of my fah-ser’s keeeler, and I will say…. ‘Ello. My name is Scottrigo Huntoya. You keel my fah-ser. Prepare to die.”
Hunter looks intensely into the camera.
A moment passes and Hunter’s eyes glance off-screen, then back. He mumbles the word “now”. With nothing happening, he says again, this time louder, the word “NOW”.
At this, another man “leaps” on-screen. It’s a medium sized man, Joseph Massey, black hair, in his mid-40s, dressed like the Dread Pirate Roberts.
MASSEY: “Do I really have to do this?? I mean, this is ridiculous.”
Hunter drops all pretense for a moment.
HUNTER: “Do you want me to throw you off of that God (bleep) cliff, Massey?”
MASSEY: (stammering) “I really wish you wouldn’t.”
HUNTER: “Then just do what you’re told and say the lines.”
MASSEY: (clearing his throat) “So um… you’ve done nothing since then but study swordplay?”
HUNTER: (back in character) “More pursue than a-study really. I work for Fezzini to pay the bills. There is not a lot of money in the revenge bus-a-ness.”
MASSEY: “Who?”
HUNTER: “Nevermind. EN GARDE!!”
Hunter leaps into an attacking stance and a terrified Massey backs away.
MASSEY: “Scott, what are you doing….”
HUNTER: ” ‘Ello. My name is Scottrigo Huntoya. You keel my fah-ser. Prepare to die.”
MASSEY: “Wait, I thought you were s’posed to say that to Capone!!”
HUNTER: (making two quick swipes in the air near Massey’s face) ” ‘Ello. My name is Scottrigo Huntoya. You keel my fah-ser. Prepare to die!!”
MASSEY: “I don’t even have my own sword!!!”
Hunter advances, and the screen goes black.