The dramatic opening of the fourth movement from Antonin Dvorak’s “New World Symphony” catches us by surprise, as we open up to a bright, empty room.
Empty except for three men.
On the left stands a burly Asian man, dark hair cut short, chocolate brown eyes staring daggers at us. On the right, a tall European man, sinewy body tensed and prepared for battle.
And in the middle, slightly shorter, blond, and dressed in a suit, is our apparent mouthpiece for the duo flanking him. As the main theme of this timeless piece of music begins, that man begins his spiel.
???:
Classic Wrestling! You may be a newcomer to the landscape of professional wrestling, but that just makes you fresh, new ground to be taken over by my men; your tag teams will tremble in terror at my Japanese juggernaut, the mighty Mushigihara!
The Asian man clasps his hands and lets out a low, rumbling growl while a grin snakes onto his face.
Our man Friday continues on.
???:
The cripplingly efficient old-world wrestling of Belgium’s own Leon “The Professional” Van Zandt!
The tall white man cracks his knuckles and lets out a deep chuckle.
???:
And myself? I am Eddie Dante, and I am the man driving these two, my FOREIGN LEGION, to the top of Classic Wrestling’s tag team ranks!
Eddie Dante taps the ground beneath him with a cane that appears to be made of fine wood.
Dante:
After two episodes, Classic Wrestling has finally decided to showcase a duo such as the Foreign Legion, albeit in SINGLES action, against a man by the name of Smashmouth; one half of Twisted Steel, and, well, let’s just say that those two, and their wingman Titus Fuchs caught my eye.
A half smile appears as Dante’s baby blues glow intensely.
Dante:
Twisted Steel oozes intensity. Bravado. Bombastico. And yes, they certainly are big, strong fellas to be throwing lesser men around the ring. But you see, the Foreign Legion are not simply “lesser men.”
The debonair Dante taps Mushigihara on the chest. The monster growls and nods his head.
Dante:
This man has held championship gold throughout the world; he has mastered the hard-hitting style that originated in the Japanese ring, where they treat pro wrestling like even more of a sport than here. They have a name for him back there; “kamikemono,” or God-Beast.
Dvorak’s magnum opus has unceremoniously faded into silence by now.
Dante:
Smashmouth may be big and strong, and those muscles may be for far more than just show. But Mushigihara’s fighting style is the perfect foil for that raw strength.
Eddie Dante chuckles and the camera cuts close to his mouth.
Dante:
Disciplined, optimal damage.
Cut back.
Dante:
He meets strength with strength, yes. But he also is looking for places on the body most susceptible to injury, to damage, to stopping a rampant adversary in its tracks. You may not know it by his size, but his strategy has a lot in common with jiu-jitsu, the Japanese form of unarmed combat. And when you least expect it, you might be preparing to throw a crushing clothesline when suddenly—
Tapping his cane to the ground again, and popping his fist out towards us, Dante illustrates an attack.
Dante:
Mushigihara took an opening and has just broken a rib or two. Then what? A man can only tolerate so much pain for so long, especially when Mushi KNOWS to take advantage of those weak points. The Foreign Legion has just as much brawn as you, Twisted Steel. But we also have far more brain.
Dante blinks, before tapping Leon’s chest.
Dante:
I know you won’t be alone in that ring. Breakneck will surely offer moral support and added muscle. Though I would advise AGAINST him laying a finger on Leon over here, lest he demonstrate some of the long-lost grappling arts of Europe that he learned in his many years of battles with old-world prizefighters who could turn either of YOU into pretzels in a minute FLAT. You want “Classic Wrestling?” Well, Leon is as classic as it gets, and he’ll be more than happy to show you what that means.
Leon Van Zandt grits his teeth in a sign of aggression.
Dante:
Episode 3 awaits, and with it, a chance to show Titus Fuchs who the REAL manager of stars is, and who the REAL dominant force of Classic Wrestling truly is.
A final grin, and a playful parting shot.
Dante:
See ya then.
Cut.