The scene opens on our bodacious brosephs of the brocean – Bowie Abrams and Bradlee Nelson – sitting in awe while Pietro the Magnifique works the room. Below a strung-up “Happy Birthday” banner is a marker drawn sign that reads, “The Surf Express Bro Fan Appreciation Event….Featuring Magic~!” The Bros’ co-patrons are a group of boys no older than 10, who are also entranced with the performance.
Bowie: Bro, you think those magic dudes we gotta fight in our debut can pull a rabbit out of a hat?
Bradlee: But like, where does the rabbit come from dude?
Bowie: And what even came first, the rabbit or the hat?
Bowie: What, bro?
Bradlee: That’s so far out, man.
A Mom: (irritated) SHH!
The two Bro-Childs immediately straighten up and go back to being mesmerized. When Pietro asks for an assistant, the Surf Bros immediately jump up with all the other children and wave their hands frantically. Pietro points to a boy with a “Birthday Boy” shirt on, leaving our most excellent excellers of waves dejected.
Bradlee: Aww man, I never get picked, Bro.
Bowie: Dude, last time you got picked for anything you put “Bro” at the end of our tag team name.
Bradlee: Bro… That was like… an accident, man!
Bowie: We gotta make a rad impression on Sunday, bro. First match in Classic and it’s a qualifying match for the tag titles!
Bradlee: No worries, dude, we got this!
Same Mom: (irritated) SHH!
The birthday boy bounds up to Pietro the Magnifique, looking super gee-golly excited. With a flourish, Pietro produces a long, rectangular box that he sets upon his table.
Pietro: And now, I will perform the amazing, death-defying, saw-a-boy-in-half trick!
Bradlee: Duuuude, little Justin can’t go out like this. We gotta do something, man.
Bowie: Pietro’s magic though, dude… like he’s a real life sorcerer kahuna supreme. He’s not gonna let the little birthday bro, like, die for real.
Bradlee: Dude… are you sure? His moustache is mad evil lookin’, like that one Amaretto bro’s.
As the fate of our birthday dude hangs in the balance, Pietro picks up the saw and swings it around menacingly. The crowd of parents ooh and aah with each swing. Bradlee frantically taps Bowie on the shoulder. As the saw comes down on the box, little Justin gives the crowd a thumbs up and the smile only a birthday dude could have.
Bowie: You think he’s gonna do it, dude?
Bradlee: Yeah bro, most definitely…
Bowie looks around at the children who are all terrified; some start to cry. Sensing the tension in the room, our hero extraordinaire jumps into action, leaping onto his chair and inspiring the kids into action.
Bowie: Come on little dudes, we can’t let this evil magician hurt our friend Justin! We gotta stop him!
Pietro: Wait! No!
Pietro frantically waves his hands as our heroes of the surf lead the charge. Bradlee shoulder-tackles the box out of the way, while Bowie lands a hella ridic superkick to our evil magician scoundrel. The children immediately surround Pietro and kick the living hell out of him.
Bowie: Woah little Brosideons! I think we taught this LOSER a lesson!
The kids begin cheering as Pietro takes off running, leaving his entire setup behind. Bowie looks over at Bradlee, who is being helped to his feet by a different mother at the party.
Concerned Mom: Are you okay?
Bradlee: Woah… like… am I dead?
Concerned Mom: What, why?
Bradlee: You look like an absolute angel, babe.
Bowie rounds the children up as Bradlee plants one on the woman. Our birthday broseph yells for her as he flails, still trapped in the box. Bowie and Bradlee stand in the middle of a circle of children.
Bowie: Great job, pint sized dudes!
Bradlee: You guys totally rocked!
Bowie: Yeah little bros, you were absolutely excellent.
Bradlee: And apparently big mean scary magicians are just like big mean scary clowns, dudes.
Bradlee: You know, lame and full of…
The dudest of the dudes steps in and interrupts Bradlee quickly.
Bowie: Yeah they sure are lame, and totally not full of magic super powers.
Bradlee: It’s like they’re one of those condudes.
Bowie: BRO! They ARE condudes.
Bradlee: Do you little bros like condudes?
In the slowest of slow motion scenes, our unlikely vanquishers of magical witchcraft leap into the air with their newest compatriots yelling and smiling.
The Bros and The Little Bros: NOOOOOOO WAAAAAAY DUUUUDDDDDEEEE!