FanBros and FanBroettes, one of our dear Broseidons of the Brocean is about to embark on the most terrible quest in existence. The Tubular One, Bradlee, has found himself in dire straits in Classic Wrestling. Bradlee stares at the far out galaxy he and Bowie have built on their ceiling, contemplating his fate.
Bradlee: Bowie, what are we gonna do dude?
Bowie: Bro, like what do you mean?
Bradlee: You know, like, with my number one contendership match.
Bowie: Bro we just beat The Bus and Rush…
Bradlee: WE did that Bowie… not Bradlee.
Bowie: Bro you totally deserve it.
Bradlee: Look at these stars Bowie, Lord Colossus controls them all. And that dude’s not even in the number one contendership match.
Bowie: Do you think he actually controls the stars?
Bradlee: Have you seen him?
Bowie: Yeah, he probably does control the entire cosmos dude.
Bradlee: Think Lord Colossus would help me harness the power of the cosmos?
Bowie: I mean, maybe dude… but like, do you think you really need the power of the cosmos to win the number one contendership?
Bradlee: Absolutely Bro, like there’s no other way I can beat a time traveler, Alex Bruder, and Undercover Lover. There’s just no way it can happen dude…
Bowie: I might not be able to harness the power of the cosmos for you dude, but I totally know a guy who might be able to help.
Bradlee: King Kong Frank? Thunderbird?
Bowie: No Bro, we gotta call in the big guns for this one…
Bradlee: No way man…
Bowie: Totally dude.
Bradlee: You sure?
Bowie: We’re totally going to see ‘THE REAL’ Broeanu Reeves.
They say don’t meet your heroes, and The Bros haven’t come anywhere close yet. But with Bradlee’s own Bogus Journey coming up, the Bros find themselves with no other option besides traveling halfway across the country to sunny southern California seeking advice from the Broest of Bros.
They stand outside of a colossal home, with a gate that’s clearly closed to them. They repeatedly press the intercom button and scream into it like they are ordering fast food at the nearest Wendy’s.
Bradlee: BROEANU! I’M A FELLOW BRO NEEDING IMMEDIATE BRO-THERLY ADVICE FROM THE FATHER OF BROS! I’VE COME IN SEARCH OF THE MEANING!
SquawkBoxLamer: Go Away.
Bowie: USER OF THE MAGICAL TIME MACHINE PHONE BOOTH! SLAYER OF ALL THINGS! DUDEST OF DUDES! BROEST OF BROS! PLEASE HELP US ON OUR JOURNEY!
SquawkBoxLamer: Go Away.
Bradlee: I MUST CHALLENGE THE BEST OF CLASSIC WRESTLING! TO HAVE ANY CHANCE AT VICTORY BROEANU I NEED YOUR HELP!
SquawkBoxLamer: Go Away.
Bradlee turns to Bowie dejected, he is stunned by the failure of their totally far out plan to seek advice from the master of BroKwonDo.
Bradlee: He’s not gonna help us Bowie…
Bradlee rips off his necklace and slams it on the street, but Bowie doesn’t give up and continues begging into the squawk box as Bradlee walks away. He rounds the corner and a black car pulls up and opens the door. A Bro in black sunglasses looks at Bradlee. He steps inside the car without a second thought.
RayBanBro: The BroSensei understands that you’re in a totally bummer of a situation, young Bradlee. He requests for you to make the ultimate choice.
The man produces both a blue pill and a red pill from his pocket. Bradlee looks at the pills, realizing it’s the biggest moment of his life. Clearly the most important moment of either one of The Behemoths of the Boardwalk’s life. He looks back up at the man with the sweet Ray Bans and nods his head.
Bradlee: Both dude.
RayBanBro: Far out man.
Bradlee takes both pills and the car suddenly comes to a stop. The passenger door opens, and Broeanu Reeves flashes a multibazillion dollar smile. Bradlee is so excited to meet the ultimate Bro that he begins to cry. Keanu pats him on the shoulder and our scene fades.
We return minutes later in front of the house, with Bowie pleading into the box. He hears the car pull up behind him and turns to see his Bro step out of a car with Broeanu Reeves driving.
Bowie: Dude you got to meet him?
Bradlee: TOTALLY DUDE!
Bowie: What’d he say?
Bradlee: Told me to just be myself in there Bro. That no matter what, I’d never let the little Brozillas down if I followed the code.
Bowie: Woah…
Bradlee: Yeah dude, it was really far out.