It’s the night of Episode 17 and Lunchbox Larry has just done the unimaginable!
He’s won.
Well, kinda.
I mean, Bobby drove Schwartz insane and got himself DQ’d but one of Bobby’s fondest sayings is: “A win is a win, is a win!”
So why then is Bobby Dean sobbing uncontrollably as a jubilant Larry leads the duo back to their awaiting locker room? Larry, thinking they are tears of joy, is touched by his mentor’s rare show of emotion. He is quickly disabused of the situation though, as Bobby wails in despair.
BD: WHHHHHhhhhhhhyyyyyyyy!?!?!?!?! Schwartz was supposed to win and you ruined it!
LL: What? Why?
BD: You wouldn’t believe how much money I was going to win!
LL: You bet against me? But, you helped me win!?
BD: Noooooooo! I wanted to enrage Randy! He wasn’t supposed to attack the referee, he was supposed to attack YOU!
LL: …
BD: You haven’t won a single match that I wasn’t a part of. Sure fire bet! Wait, do you think I can use a loophole to get my money back? I mean, let’s be honest, did you really win?
LL: YES!
A light bulb suddenly goes off, figuratively.
BD: I’ve got it! Thanks Barry!
With that, Bobby rushes out of the locker room, leaving a perplexed and slightly annoyed Larry behind, fuming that Bobby has just taken all the joy of winning and flushed it down the toilet.
——————
A few days later we find ourselves in the nearly abandoned CLASSIC Arena, Bobby is lying on his back in the center of the ring. It is not a new sensation for him, as he has found himself on his back in the center of a wrestling ring quite often throughout his vast career. But today it’s rather odd, because as he lies there, his young protégé, Lunchbox Larry, crawls around his prone body, a thick stick of chalk in hand.
After a bit of time passes Bobby gingerly rolls away, careful not to smudge the canvas, before he begins the arduous task of climbing to his feet. It is a struggle of epic proportions. Larry knows better than to offer a helping hand, not that Bobby wouldn’t accept his assistance. No, Larry learned early on that Bobby would rely on him to lift ALL of his weight off the ground, as Bobby would simply go limp. Why would he lift half of his body weight when Larry could life it all?
Second lesson of Bobby Dean’s: “Work smart, not hard. Better yet, don’t work at all!”
Bobby, sweating, but smiling in triumph, stands next to the rotund chalk outline. He nods his head in approval before loosely wrapping his arm around Larry’s shoulder and leaning into his friend. The weight causes Larry to stagger to the side a bit, before he’s able to brace his large mentor up.
BD: I think this might actually work.
LL: I don’t. In fact, I still don’t understand what your plan even is…
BD: What!? It was your idea!
LL: What was?
BD: You gave me the idea. At Episode 18, you’re going to put a bunch of money on Scott “Big Game” Hunter to win. Then when the time comes, I’m going to wind up right there…
Bobby points down at the chalk outline.
BD: And the referee is going to count one, two, three. The Hunter bags another trophy, and I get a lot of grocery money. Food is getting expensive these days, Bare. In the end, it’s a win / win.
LL: Why don’t you just try to win instead?
Bobby begins laughing hysterically. Not a quick chuckle, but a belly grabbing, tears in the eyes, guffaw that leaves him short of breath and gasping for air. Larry begins to grow concerned as Bobby faces begins to turn a shade of red that borders on purple.
BD: Oh Perry, that’s the best joke you’ve ever said.
LL: I wasn’t joking…
Voice: “Oi, mister Dean, you wanna come check this out?”
Bobby and Larry look over where a construction crew member is erecting a new tombstone next to the entrance curtain. The front of the stone reads:
“HERE LIES “BEAUTIFUL” BOBBY DEAN
SON, BROTHER, FATHER, 2% MILK, ICE CREAM,
STEAK, TOILET PAPER, HEMORRHOID CREAM,
OREOS (DOUBLE STUFF), CHIPS AHOY, MILANO,”
As Bobby rolls out of the ring, Larry remains standing behind, looking down at the chalk outline.
LL: I think you’re gonna win, buddy! In fact, I’m gonna put it all on you!