Midafternoon.
Whereversville.
It’s a perfectly inconspicuous day in the city as the sun soaks over the many large skyscrapers. Of these mammoth buildings, some are for business, while some stand for pleasure. For instance, one tall reaching residence badly in need of renovation houses The Every Dad, Harry Chest. A non-mustachioed muscular hero who wears his hair on his chest, not his upper lip. He sits quietly with a plate of snacks but it’s not just any snack.
Harry Chest loves him some shredded cheese. Nothing is more delectable to him than a freshly cut, aromatic, old slab of moo-moo pasteurized dairy goodness. Complete with all the daily essential nutrients and vitamins too! One such block just so happens to be sitting, half-cut on the kitchen counter of his dilapidated one-bedroom apartment.
Tex mex, medium, mozza, it doesn’t matta. Harry Chest gorges on them all. Extra melty and layered on top of his preferred name brand nacho chip is the ticket. Om nom nom nom is the sound his jaw makes when eating all that melty goodness. Don’t you dare think, while he sits on his very worn couch, watching extremely childish cartoons, that Harry Chest is neglecting his religiously rigorous regimen of fitness though!
Oh no.
He’s not. It just so happens to be cheat day and there’s no betta way for Harry Chest to indulge on a day off than with a little bitta chedda on his chippies. Harry doesn’t do anything half-reared, either. He goes all out. The saltiness of the chips compliments the sharpness of the chedda like nothing else. Of course, he’s also guzzling back gallons of water from his massive jug in order to help balance his sodium levels.
He holds up a chip with pride. It merely glistens in the daylight before he devours it like a starving hippopotamus competing for food. Oh yeah. That’s some solid snacking right there. Don’t worry kids, Harry isn’t too depressed after losing his opening round Worlds Championship Title Tournament match either. No. He’s gathering himself, resetting and refocusing on who his headlock can tame next.
A few flicks of the dial and the news settles onto Harry’s ancient wood paneled, bunny eared television set. Jumping junipers, junior aces! Harry nearly chokes on his chip in hand as he sees a commercial for Classic Wrestling’s next illustrious card!
By golly gorillas! It’s Harry Chest versus Freddy Chedda! Coincidence? HE THINKS NOT! Galloping to a stoic pose his baseboard flooring can barely handle, Harry ponders feverishly by rubbing his chin. Is it possible? Harry Chest versus Freddy Chedda for all the… marbles? That doesn’t sound right.
He knows in his heart of hearts that all the random citizens finally want to see him take home the… bacon? Wait, that’s not right either. With an enormous belch and maybe a squelch, Harry decides that he will be the one collecting the chedda in the form of leafy green dollar bills after pinning Freddy and visiting the pay window. There it is.
Harry knows Freddy betta bring his A-game because Harry, who is enamored with his shredda chedda is planning on bringing his. Don’t look down though. A devastatingly large amount of shredded cheese can be found in Chest’s hairy tuft! It must have collected there when he stood up. Thinking he might leave the shavings there for a convenient snack later, Harry puffs up his pectorals and picks a spot on his poorly wallpapered wall to stare at.
His gaze is unrivaled as he envisions Freddy Chedda on his wall, coaxing him on. With a swift wallop and a wisp, Harry attacks the imaginary opponent and ends up getting a hole in his wall for his efforts. Dastardly dreadlocks! Harry’s hunger might be satiated but his appetite for a win is certainly roaring.
Hands plastered with chedda and drywall, Harry looks at what he’s done. Blaming Freddy for getting in his head would be too easy. What’s that? A sudden waft of devilishly delicious cheese smacks his nose harder than a freight train!
Harry saunters back to his kitchen counter, picks up the block of chedda and eyes it ominously before taking the biggest bite out of it this side of the pacific! Cheesy goodness. Goes down smooth with a nice finish. Maybe that’s something Freddy should get prepared for.
Freddy Chedda.
Bring ya shredda.
Cuz we making nachos tonight.
Onward and upwards, random citizens!