(I went with CD to establish Character)
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Police Officer: Ok, tell me again what happened?
The Dewster: (Somewhat hysterical) WHAT HAPPENED!!! SOMEONE CRUSHED MY POOR BETSEY!!!
The Police Officer takes off his sunglasses, which he folds and places in his shirt pocket, that were covering his eyes from the midday sun.
Police Officer: Calm down, you being upset isn’t going to help anything.
The Dewster: Calm down! Have you Un-Canadian Officers of the law have no sense? (Pointing at the junk heap.) My poor Betsey has just been crushed. You’re just standing here asking me nonsense questions I have NO Canadian answers too. And you tell me to calm down, to remain calm, to speak calmly, and to give you the details of what happened. I can tell you what happened. Someone ran over my beautiful, just sitting here innocently, Betsey with a stolen Monster Truck, which you guys can’t seem to find. How hard could it be to find a missing Monster Truck anyway? I mean it is bigger than your normal car? Or do you Un-Canadians down here in Un-Canadian land not know that?
The Police Officer stands by aimlessly as The Dewster rants and raves about his car and the missing Monster Truck. Apparently the Officer isn’t use to people like The Dew. As if this sort of thing happens all the time? Apparently this Officer has never dealt with a Canadian before, cause it’s not over by a long shot. Or The Dew ain’t Canadian.
Police Officer: Could you please tell me where you were before, during, and after this incident occurred?
The Dewster: Before? Before my Betsey was destroyed? I was sitting in that there Tavern having a Pepsi.
Police Officer: Do you have someone who could verify this, Sir?
The Dewster: Would I be Canadian if I didn’t? The Bartender that served me the Pepsi saw me sitting there and watched me run out.
The Police Officer instructs one of the other Officers to go check out The Dew’s story with the Bartender.
Police Officer: Ok, where were you during the incident?
The Dewster: By Canadian! You Un-Canadian Officers of the law aren’t so smart are you? I mean if I was in the Tavern before. If I were you, which thank Canada I’m not, I’d assume that’s where I was when the incident took place.
Police Officer: I’m the law. I don’t assume anything. Only facts… Nothing but the facts.
The Police Officer instructs another Officer to head into the Tavern after the first one and verify The Dew’s story of being in the Tavern during the incident.
Police Officer: Now, where were you after the incident?
The Dew growing tired of the Officer’s stupid questions begins to rant and rave again.
The Dewster: You bloody Un-Canadian! Don’t you know you’re here wasting valuable Canadian time that the Un-Canadian buffoon who destroyed my poor Betsey is getting away with MURDER!!! He killed my Betsy for Canadian sake. You should be out with a Swat Team, call the FBI, the CIA, the IRS, the Secret Service, the Men In Black. Somebody, anybody, you can’t let whoever did this get away with doing this to a Canadian. You know the Canadian government would be upset if you let an Un-Canadian get away with this! I have the Canadian mind to call them this very minute. I’m sure they’d send a Canadian Mountie down here to take care of your job. You know Canadians take care of their own.
The Police Officer had remained calm throughout The Dewster’s rant until he had mentioned the Canadian Mounties.
To be Continued…