Harry Chest sits conspicuously amongst stalactites and stalagmites. Water drips from the tip of nature’s odd cave carvings as Harry contemplates life by rubbing his chin with one hand and gently brushing his chest hair with a comb in the other.
Harry Chest: Hmmmmm. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
Eyes wide, Harry can’t help but speculate with his over-the-top personality.
Harry Chest: Is it true? Is it ACTUALLY true?
The sound of water dripping in the background cuts the otherwise silent cave as Harry contemplates to himself.
Harry Chest: Dr. Devastation. A daringly dangerous foe, no doubt. Not only did I find out some very revealing information about you but now I hear I’m set to take you on in a contest of super strength at SLAM-A-THON! Coincidence!? I THINK NOT!
Chest’s voice echoes down the cavernous halls.
Harry Chest: If it is the wishes of the random citizens, then I will face you one on one even if it seems a bit too convenient seeing I found this information.
Like a lightbulb going off, Harry’s eyebrows reach for the sky.
Harry Chest: As it turns out, this stunning information I found about Dr. Devastation is that he is NOT A DOCTOR!
Harry gasps with comedic overreaction.
Harry Chest: JUMPING JELLYFISH! CAN IT BE TRUE!? If Dr. Devastation isn’t a doctor, then what is he? How could his Wikipedia page be wrong though?
The Every Dad gently touches a stalactite and watches how a drop of water transfers to his hand.
Harry Chest: I guess that just makes you just Devastation now which is slightly less scary because you don’t have a doctoral degree, however…
He takes a second to swallow nervously.
Harry Chest: You look nothing like a doctor, so it makes sense if you aren’t one. In fact, you look more like a joker but one that could be a bane in my side.
The water dries on his hand but keeps dripping from the stalactite.
Harry Chest: I want to see what your ability is to hurt me, Devastation. You’re big, no doubt. You’re strong, that’s apparent but do you realize who you’re going toe-to-toe with?
Harry rises from his posterior and flexes for the entire cave to see.
Harry Chest: I’m the strongest of strong! I am the ‘TUFEST’ of them all.
He obviously points to his tuft of chest hair while saying his play on words.
Harry Chest: And when you get entangled with this, you better be prepared to fight!
Harry begins walking down the long cave corridor.
Harry Chest: If you are a joker, bring your toys and tricks. I will see right through them! If you are a bane, bring your muscles and try to match my strength! Literally. Bring out the best in me. I’m the hero. You’re the super villain and we all know what happens to super villains. Even the random citizens know.
He takes a breath.
Harry Chest: THEY GET CRUSHED BY SUPERHEROES!
The pure ferocity exhibited by Harry is something never seen from him before. He holds up a fist and punches the air before continuing his stroll. He confidently walks into an opening still within the cave’s grasp. It’s modular with pathways leading to different spots. Harry selects the center platform to walk to. Light from a presumed cave opening high above, shines down on the weathered rock wall.
Harry Chest: We’re here.
Chest knocks on the rock face in front of him. A slab conveniently slides away, revealing a hidden closet.
Harry Chest: There you are.
Harry’s signature cape sits propped at the ready on a mannequin.
Harry Chest: Fight me, Devastation. The pride of the random citizens is on the line after all. I must defend their honor. They want to see the dark knight face off against familiar foes and triumph TRIUMPHANTLY.
The cape glistens under the light as Harry begins to grab it.
Harry Chest: So, Devastation. I have just one question for you.
Harry swings the cape around his neck and ties it together.
Harry Chest: Be the Bane to my Batman?
Chest stands defiantly, cape fluttering and hands on his hips.
Harry Chest: Break my back, Devastation. Try to. I dare you. Onward and upwards!