Fargo: I’m not flying with balloons!!!
The wrestler shakes his head no as a guy tries to rig a harness clip to the back of his Olympic singlet.
Fargo: Nobody told me about flying with balloons. It not a good look.
It’s a hot day, in a black tar used car parking lot where our hero Jack Fargo is supposed to be cutting a commercial for Big Al’s Big Ass Used Car Emporium.
Production hand: I’m just trying to do my job dude. It’s perfectly safe we’ll harness you up and you’ll only float for like 15 feet.
Fargo: I’m an Olympic bronze medalist not a stunt man. I was a guest on the Drew Barrymore show and now you want me to fly with balloons??!!
Production Hand: Like I said man, I’m just trying to do my job.
The camera pans to the right to show a 2006 charcoal gray PT Cruiser with like a billion blue balloons that all say “savings” tied to it. Suddenly a local sports reporter walks up.
Reporter: Jack this week you will be taking on “The Pale Rider” Holo Make the large Hawaiian fighter how do you feel your chances are?
Fargo: The bigger they are the harder they fall….you know what I mean. Classic Wrestling seems to like to the throw the big guys against me. I’m ok with this. I’m getting used to it. One choke hold, one submission lock, three seconds on a roll up. That’s all it takes. The kids hungry. So am I….you know what I mean. He thinks hunger is a drive that wins wars?
Big Ass Al starts waddling towards the wrestler with an angry look on his face and a cigar in his mouth.
Fargo: Do you know how hungry you must be to make the Olympic team? How much work? Training? Sure, he wants to get his foot in the door. Me too. You know what I mean? Ho may think he knows how to fight by I got strategies, and fight theory that I’ve forgotten that are far more advanced than his simple size rules all know how. He not only will lose to me, but he will also be made an example of. You know what I mean? Pale Rider I…..
Big Al: What the hell is this, I hear you won’t fly with balloons?
Fargo: I don’t know man, it’s demeaning. I’ll do everything else but fly with the balloons.
Big Al: The whole point is our prices are so good our customers fly out of here with savings.
The man throws his hands towards Fargo dismissively.
Big Al: I don’t know why the hell I’m arguing with you son. I wanted a Clown. I damn circus clown to fly away with balloons, but your dad is a friend of mine and a hell of an insurance salesman and when my dog Dr. Phil got sick, he was there with a policy that paid out a lifesaving surgery. I owe the Fargo’s but if I must get a damn clown I’ll be as giddy as a golfer on a clear Sunday. What’s the hang up here?
Fargo: I need to protect my brand, my reputation as a wrestler.
Big Al: Did you even win your last match? I saw it. No. Another loss. Hell, we’re paying you well son. It’s a job. Do the damn job.
Fargo: I have my pride.
Big Al: You know what? F-it. I’m sure I can get the Olympic silver medalist at the same price. Stanley let’s call the silver medalist I mean I bet he’ll fly with balloons. Is that your wife and newborn over there? I’ll go tell them daddy has to much pride to fly with balloons.
The wrestler turns bright red in the face.
Fargo: Fine. I’ll do it.
The fat man smiles as he waddles away. Fargo turns to the reporter.
Fargo: What I’m trying to say to Holo is life is hard, and we are all fighting for something. For our futures. For our families. This week he will be put to sleep, because I need to win too.
Jack Fargo: At Big Al’s Big Ass Used Car Emporium you will fly away with savings and more more moreeeeeee.
Big Al cuts the balloons tied to the PT cruiser as Jack Fargo grabs them and flies away out of the camera frame by way of mass balloons.