[The camera opens on the radio studio of Duke Williams and the Empty Booze Bottle Wake Up Program on WACF-FM, and syndicated globally (minus China, and North Korea) on the world wide web.
Duke Williams is about 40 years old, with long brown hair, and an unkempt beard. He sits in front of a microphone with his logo behind him of a cartoon version of himself drinking from a half empty whiskey bottle. His producer the Warthog sits off to the side. Duke takes a sip of whiskey as he waves somebody in.]
Duke Williams (DW): Warthog, let’s bring in this Fargo guy.
Wart Hog (WH): His dad is with him and is kinda a character. Should I bring him in too?
DW: Sure. On Friday, May 28th at 8pm on RBTV-NY, “The Classic Wrestling”, will be debuting with their very first episode. They are having a Mortal Kombat type tournament, to crown their first ever champion.
“GET OVER HERE”
[The Warthog plays the sound drop from the video game as in enters Jack Fargo. He is a well-built man, standing about 6’3, 245 lbs. of solid mass. He is wearing salmon covered cargo pants, and a baby blue polo a size to small showing off his guns and pecks. His father follows behind as both are pointed to their microphones.]
DW: WOW! Straight off a Wheaties box, this cat right here is an Olympic Bronze medalist in wrestling. What is it like, being on a cereal box?
Jack Fargo (JF): [Muffled off mic chatter].
DW: Big fella, get on that mic in front of you.
JF: Is this any better?
DW: Much better. Welcome to the show. So, you win a bronze medal, you get on a Wheaties box, man I bet you get all the babes?
[The wrestler chuckles uncomfortably and is noticeably sweating like Shane McMahon on a short walk to the ring.]
JF: I’m a very loyal man to my excellent wife, who I married right out of high school.
DW: I bet you got your partying out in college? Frat boy?
JF: No sir, I followed an extremely strict regime of clean eating, gym, and on some Saturday nights the occasional sudoku puzzle, and can of O’Doul’s!!
[Jack beams with pride]
DW: So, what DO you do for fun?
JF: Lawn care. I just bought a house in my hometown of Plainfield, Illinois, and I work endlessly to have the perfect lawn. Good soil, fertilizers, great trim, and grass seeds from Kentucky.
[Duke Williams downs an entire glass of whiskey searching for a spark in this interview.]
DW: Ok so how do you go from an Olympic wrestler to the wacky world of pro-wrestling?
JF: Well, that’s a funny story!
DW: [under his breath] Oh thank God.
JF: My father here Ralph, of Ralph Fargo’s Insurance….
[The father waves like a big goof as the host gives him a slight head nod]
JF:…my dad helped revolutionize the pet insurance industry being the first insurance agent to offer health insurance for pets.
DW: You here that warthog?!? You might get insurance after all.
[A loud cheering drop plays, as Jack Fargo seems a bit thrown off]
JF: ummm, ok, so anyway, ummm, I was about to take over for my dad when a guy offered me a decent sized amount of money to come try rassling on TV. As much as I love my dad, I wanted to give this a try. I’ve never watched much rassling, but I’m an Olympic wrestler, so it shouldn’t be too hard. I get stage fright so I’m a bit worried about talking on TV, and what not, but like yeaaaa, I think I can be a good role model for kids.
DW: You will be facing “All Business” Alex Brudder in your first match as a pro wrestler. I don’t know much about him, but it sounds like he’s allllllll business!
JF: He seems nice. I wish him all the luck. I got a chuckle out of the fact he left Fargo to makes his dreams come true, and his first obstacle standing in his way is me, Jack Fargo. Perhaps Fargo shall continue to haunt him. [peculiar chuckle] Either way he is a lovely guy, and it should be an excellent exhibition.
DW: Ok so again tune in on May 28th, at 8pm, on RBTV-NY “Classic Wrestling”! Jack thanks for coming in, up next the latest soybean market report hopefully to liven up the show.