“We hold all the cards, lads.”
Cold open.
The Foreign Legion greets us once again, in a room where the Japanese and Belgian flags hang next to each other, and Eddie Dante, front and center as always, leads the procession.
Eddie Dante:
Last time, we took advantage of Bobby Dean’s rampant stupidity and his lust for ill-gotten glory, and made him agree to take on BOTH members of my Foreign Legion. Considering the last time one of the Classic Wrestling Tag Team Champions was in the ring he was simply no match for the older-than-old-school catch grappling of Leon Van Zandt? Well, if a man with talent and the ability to run the ropes without pulling a muscle couldn’t handle ONE of them, what will happen when that mess Bobby Dean is in there alone with the grappler Van Zandt, and the brutal powerhouse, Mushigihara?
With a low growl, Mushi slams a fist into an open hand and bubbles forth a low, seething…
Mushigihara:
Oooooooooosu…
Eddie Dante:
Make no mistake, Classic Wrestling; the Foreign Legion is angry, and has a lot of frustration to take out on BDS- no. They have a lot of frustration to take out on the clowns currently holding those tag team championships, and leaving Lunchbox Larry in a crumpled heap wasn’t enough to slake our bloodlust. Which is why we are going to do EVERYTHING we can, to make sure that you can’t rely on your cheap “supernatural luck,” because you know as well as WE do, that’s the ONLY way you were able to defeat us the last time we shared a ring.
Dante nonchalantly turns his head to Leon Van Zandt and shakes his head.
Eddie Dante:
I’m just really glad one of my men on this team is a butcher by trade, because sacrificing goats is HARD!
Leon can only nod and smile as he says…
Leon Van Zandt:
Ja, Meneer Dante.
Eddie Dante:
And just like those goats, Leon Van Zandt is going to break Bobby Dean down, piece by piece, limb by limb, because that is what this man does better than ANYONE.
With an encouraging, hype-inducing backhand to the chest, Eddie Dante beams with pride towards the technician of his Foreign Legion.
Eddie Dante:
And whatever is left will be shattered by the raw POWER of the Emperor himself. You know, Bobby, Mushi’s no stranger to taking on big, fat wrestlers; like Shujin Yama, he cut his teeth in the brutal dohyo of Japanese sumo.
Mushigihara:
OSU.
Eddie Dante:
Of course, the fat men he often faced were actual ATHLETES. Did you know that a recent study showed that among various sports, sumo wrestlers were the athletes carrying the most LEAN mass on their bodies? Simply meaning, not fat. Muscle. And Mushigihara, once he left sumo, he worked on trimming down, keeping that raw power, and becoming a MUCH more conditioned athlete. Now? One minute in the ring with him will feel like you just had five or six CONSECUTIVE sumo matches with him.
The Emperor grins, his eyes staring dagger into ours.
Eddie Dante:
And, ah… I don’t think you could handle ONE, Bobby. Tooooough breeeeeeeak.
The voice of the Legion simply shakes his head and lets off a salvo of “tsk tsk tsks.”
Eddie Dante:
And once we’ve disposed of YOU, just like Leon did on his lonesome against Lunchbox Larry? Once we’ve established to all those Classic fans that you are no match for us?
The camera zooms in on Dante’s face, as he cuts a cold smirk for the camera.
Eddie Dante:
We play for keeps, as far as those Classic Wrestling Tag Team Championships are concerned. We’ve been hunting you down since Slam-a-Thon, and it won’t be long before we come in for the kill.
The camera cuts back, bringing the entire unit back into frame.
Eddie Dante:
We’ve wanted those tag team belts since Day One, lads. And now, we hold all of the cards. And after we send Bobby Dean into the trauma ward like we did his erstwhile partner? We throw down, and we collect those title belts for ourselves. And nothing; not skill, not drive, not even DUMB LUCK, is going to get in our way. The day is coming, boys. And Sunday night will bring us one step closer to glory.
A grin.
Eddie Dante:
All you can do is just lean back and embrace the inevitable.
LVZ grins, and Mushi finally bellows out one mighty…
Mushigihara:
OSU!!!
Cut.