There’s no smoke bombs or fancy lighting, but the eager grin of Billy Fields is enough to brighten up any gloomy day. Classic Wrestling’s roving reporter is ON THE STREET, microphone in hand, ready for action!
Billy: Hello again Classic Wrestling fans, Billy Fields here, coming to you live from…
He looks behind him, slightly confused.
Billy: “…Inner Healing Mind, Body, and Soul Wellness…” with an exclusive interview! Classic Wrestling’s Episode 4 saw the debut of Surf Express Bro against the Amazing Amarettos and, while they weren’t able to claim victory, Bowie Abrams has a chance for revenge this weekend as he’s set to take on Gomez Amaretto in singles competition! Bowie asked me to meet him here and, well, I can only wonder–
“WHAT’S UP BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!”
Bowie Abrams and Bradlee Nelson, wearing the loudest neon-colored tank tops and board shorts you can possibly imagine, with flip flops and Wayfarer sunglasses, bound into frame. Bradlee holds his hand up for a high-five, which Billy awkwardly slaps, while Bowie jostles the reporter good-naturedly by the shoulders.
Billy: Hey guys, good to see you.
Bradlee: Bro, the pleasure is, like, totally ours.
Bowie: There’s, like, no better dude we could think of to join us on this gnarly adventure!
Billy: And what, exactly, is this adventure?
Bowie and Bradlee beam, super excited about whatever they’ve got planned.
Bowie: So like, check it, BillBro Baggins. A few weeks ago, Bradlee and I cruised on into the Classic studio, amped up, energized, looking to make a splash in our debut. And things totally didn’t go our way.
Bradlee: That’s right dude. Those wicked wizards of wizardry worked their evil magic, kept my bro and I from being in sync, and beat us like a couple’a grommets riding their first waves.
Bowie: But if the Amaretto Bros think we’re gonna let that get us down, they’ve got another thing coming.
Bradlee: We’re not the kinda dudes to dwell on bad times when there are way too many good times to have. And Classic TV Numero Six-O is my bro’s chance to have the time of his life by showing grimey Gomez and creepy Carlo what Surf Express Bro is all about!
Bowie: Those two aren’t gonna know what hit ‘em, Billy Broel. As soon as B and I saw the card this week, we knew exactly what to do.
Bradlee: First, we grabbed some pierogies.
Bowie: We were totally starved, bro. After that, I started focusing.
Bradlee: Buckling down.
Bowie: Getting in the zone!
Bradlee: Aligning your cheez and centering your mind!
Billy: Uh, I think you mean “chi,” Bradlee.
Bradlee: That’s what I said, bro!
The tubular titans of the tides high five while Billy nods, finally understanding where all this is going.
Billy: So that’s why you asked me to meet you at this wellness center, so you can get in the right headspace for your match. [He nods] It makes total sense now.
It doesn’t make sense to the Bros, though. They look quite perplexed.
Bowie: Uh, what are you talking about, dude?
Bradlee: Yeah bro, what wellness center?
Billy: This one.
He points up to the sign. The Bros glance up, then back to Billy.
Bowie: Think the dudes or dudettes in the office gave you the wrong address, bro.
Bradlee: We’re not going here. We’re going over there…
He points up the street where, a block and a half away, is a huge sign for a JEFF & BLASTERS BAR AND ARCADE EXTRAVAPALOOZA. Billy does a double-take.
Billy: I don’t…I don’t understand…
Bowie: This place right here? Totally up our alley. But when I gotta get real hyped for a match? Get my adrenaline pumping? I gotta be around people, bro. I gotta laser in on some Big Trophy Hunter, have my best bro beside me shredding on Guitar Hero, hear people cheering me on while I’m swishing hoops in the 3 Point Challenge. Then I’m gonna carry that energy with me into Sunday when I beat Gomez 1, 2, 3.
Bradlee: And between the three of us, Bowie’s only, like, a few thousand tickets away from getting their big Super Soaker Water Cannon prize. If he can get it before Sunday, and Carlo tries anything funny again, that dude’s gonna feel its full power.
Bowie: It’s gonna be a different story this week, Billy. We’ll be riding high while the Amarettos will be wiped out!
The scene fades as the three make their way to the arcade.