Hello there, boils and ghouls! It’s almost the night of tricks and frights, and there’s no better way to celebrate All Hallows Eve than to have Classic Wrestling’s second pay-per-view fall on the same night!
One thing must be done before your favorite Classic wrestlers come to you live and In Your (Haunted) House. No, it’s not squeezing in extra gym time. It’s not counting macros or adding that extra mile to their runs. No…they must first get into the spooky spirit by partaking in a sacred, social Halloween tradition: the Halloween Bar Crawl and Costume Contest!
The Bros, coming off a huge win against the Foreign Legion, have earned the chance at the first pay-per-view match against fellow fan favorites Rush Starling and Double Decker. A daunting task if there ever was one, with Rush being a blue-chipper and a third-generation wrestler, and Double Decker packing power and charisma for days. But our boys aren’t fretting just yet; how can they, when they’re amongst fellow costumed party-goers at Flannery’s Pub in Cleve-OH.
Bradlee: Dude!
Bowie: Bro!
Bradlee: This party is totally righteous, dude! Look at all these babes!
The HIGH Priests of the Pacific stand a few feet away from the bar, people-watching and bobbing their heads to the music. Bowie wears a brown, spiky-haired wig; a fake chinstrap beard; tight black shorts that have a fake dollar bill on the back with his face on it; and a t-shirt that says “MIKEY MONEY.” Bradlee’s (real) brown hair is also spiked up, and he has on ridiculously oversized sunglasses, a fake goatee, long black leggings, and a t-shirt that says “FRAP LIFE.” They each hold a Starbucks cup in their hand, filled to the brim with Oreo Frap goodness (and alcohol too).
Bradlee: Listen, yeah? You were totally right, bro, dressing up like absolute jerks was a great way to win the costume contest. I can’t believe you put your face on a dollar bill. And you even named yourself…
Bowie: Well, Michael is like the most unlikely of unlikable names… and bro, real jerks would say Bruv instead of Bro. Why do you sound British though, Bruv?
Bradlee: Oi…that’s right bro! I mean…bruv! I always forget that part. And everyone knows British people are always jerks. I’ve always said that.
Bowie: Yeah, Bruv, but I said it first!
The Bro’s dressed as snobby Bruvs laugh and high-five each other. At the front of the bar, a man switches a microphone on and raps the grill to call for attention.
BarDude: It’s time to announce the winners of the Costume Contest! We’ve had some amazing entries but only one person can win the grand prize of $500 and two tickets to tomorrow night’s Classic Wrestling PPV!
Bradlee: Bruv, I hope we win!
Bowie: Me too, bruv! But like, I dunno what we’d do with two tickets to the show. We’re gonna be on it!
Bradlee thinks really really really really really really really hard, and finally has an epiphany.
Bradlee: We can give them away, bruv-dude! Like, how awesome would it be to make someone’s night like that.
Bowie: Great idea, bruv! Then people will have to cheer for us instead of Rush Starling and Double Decker. I know everyone loves them and they deserve the admirication, but we’re just as good and entertaining!
Bradlee: You said it bruvv..whoa…..
Out of the corner of his eye, Bradlee sees a large man wearing a blue and white uniform and a giant cardboard cutout of a bus around his body. His mouth drops at the sheer beauty of the costume.
BarDude: And now, coming in first place… DOUBLE DECKER~!
BusBro: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK~!
The crowd starts cheering as “the Bus” and a guy dressed in regular clothes and looking like the bastard child of Bob Seger and Simba run onto the stage. BasicBro celebrates but nobody pays attention to him.
BusBro: Gosh everyone. The Big Greyhound here would like to thank all of you for picking me! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK~!
His friend on stage beside him goes to grab the microphone but the BarDude snatches it away. BasicBro looks sad while BusBro begins to crowd surf around the full room.
Bradlee: Oi Bowie, do you think dressing up like total douches was a bad idea?
Bowie: Probably bruv… but nowhere near as bad of an idea as dressing up like Rush Starling.
Bradlee: Ohhhh, that’s who he was…
The Bruvsideons of the Bruvcean shrug their shoulders and run to join the bus surfing festivities.