Open on a darkened stage… then, dual shimmering trails of MAGIC suddenly appear and wistfully glide over the floor! Their paths crisscross a few times until they finally COLLIDE into a spectacular explosion of silver light and purple smoke!
When the display finally disperses, the AMAZING AMARETTOS stand together in an absolutely majestic pose, hats held out while a plume of doves flies up from behind them!
Carlo: HA-HA!! Avanti, you puny people of Classique Wrestling! Are you ready to witness the power of MAGIC, MUSCLE, and MAYHEM?? Are you ready to be left absolutely dumbstruck by fantastic feats of WIG-SPLITTING WONDER??
Gomez: Then consider yourselves fortunate, for we–the AMAZING AMARETTOS–are here once again to deliver the most mesmerizing professional wrestling performance you’ve ever seen in all of your worthless, pathetique lives!
The brothers Amaretto step toward the camera, interspersing their dramatic hand movements between mystically fluttering their fingers and threateningly cracking their knuckles.
Carlo: At long last, we have been rightfully recognized as the MAIN ATTRACTION of Classique Wrestling! It is only fitting, since we naturally ARE the greatest and most renown showmen to ever exist on this material plane!
Gomez: It feels great to be at the top of the marquee, where the two of us BELONG! And our illustrious names will forever remain there, upon conjuring forth those precious Tag Team Championships through the ethereal force of our FISTS!
Carlo: For so long, we have pursued them… always reaching into our proverbial magic hats, only to come away empty-handed! But now, they are finally within our grasp!
Gomez: Those illustrious golden belts would be absolutely AMAZING set-pieces in our show, no? But to take them, dear Carlo, we must first deal with those internationál impersonators, the FOREIGN LEGION!
Carlo: Ah, yes! The pathetique pairing of the mongoloid MUSHIGAHARA and the lackluster LEON VAN ZANDT! The combined strength of Oriental might and Belgian trickery!
Gomez: Damned, dirty BELGIANS! With their bland, tasteless WAFFLES!
Carlo: Perhaps we should respectfully tip our top-hats to them for vanquishing our hated nemeses, the bulbous Bobby Dean and his worthless assistant, Larry. What say you, Gomez?
Gomez: HUMBUG! The only reason they can call themselves the Tag Team Champions now is because of our own folly against the likes of the BEADY-ISM! A folly that we shall NOT repeat! The timing of our tricks and tandem maneuvers is tighter than ever!
Carlo: This is true! Consider also that they are mere allies from distant kingdoms. But WE? We are BROTHERS! Our partnership is as unbreakable as the chains we use for the Prussian Water Escape!
Gomez: The strength of their combined foreign powers may be mighty… but NO legion is unbreakable to the insurmountable might of MAGIC most AMAZING!!
The Evil Abra and Killer Kadabra walk over to stage left, where a hefty wooden box has been propped up. The broad side displays a side-by-side mockup of the Belgian tricolor flag and Japan’s rising sun.
From one end of the box, we can see their semi-lovely assistant Suzi’s head sticking out, staring indifferently into the stage lights while she puffs away at a menthol. Her red-heeled shoes poke out the other end.
Carlo: Observe! A symbol of the Foreign Legion’s union!
Gomez: On the outside, strong and solid, made of the HARDEST wood known to mankind!
Carlo: But on the inside, weak and rotten… just like this infernal woman!
Gomez: It’s armor can shield that vile weakness from almost anything! ALMOST…
They clap hands and high-five each other.
Carlo & Gomez: AVANTI!
Carlo gets some distance and Gomez sets himself into position. Then Carlo comes running, and jumps into Gomez’s waiting arms. Gomez hoists him up for extra elevation before falling back, with Carlo’s outstretched elbow connecting with the box.
It SHATTERS right down the center, leaving it split into two!
Carlo: BEHOLD! She’s been BROKEN IN HALF!!
BUH GAWD, ALMIGHTY! From the Belgium side, Suzi’s disembodied head takes another indifferent puff of her cigarette, like it’s just another day at the office. On the Japan side, the toe of her detached right foot scratches the left. The box is obviously shown to be made of cheap plywood that’s been painted over.
Gomez: The same will happen to YOU, Foreign Legion, come Episode DODICI! Surrender those Tag Team Titles, or face an agony of AMAZING levels!
The brothers Amaretto cackle savagely as they pose between the two broken halves of their semi-lovely assistant, and the stage lights go to black.