“Pathetic.
“Absolutely pathetic.”
Cold open.
The familiar refrain of Dvorak’s New World Symphony starts to play.
The camera introduces us once again to that bright room in which these three men first made their presence felt within Classic Wrestling. Now accompanied by two crossed flags; the Hinomaru of Japan, and the Tricolor of Belgium, The Foreign Legion is here, fronted by their silver-tongued advocate Eddie Dante. Neither man seems much for pleasantries, least of all Dante, who stares into our souls with a sour gaze.
Another addition; the gold-and-leather prizes that were unveiled on the last episode of Classic Wrestling; the Classic Tag Team Championships. They rest on the shoulder of each combatant; Mushi has his gripped like a weapon at the ready, while Van Zandt opts for the hands-free approach, wearing his almost like a piece of armor.
Dante:
“Two weeks ago, my men Mushigihara and Leon Van Zandt stepped inside the Classic Wrestling ring to formally be crowned as tag team champions, and rather than provide us with opponents of the caliber that such a label DEMANDS… the front office instead decides to pair MY FOREIGN LEGION against Bobby Dean and… some man.”
The Emperor casts a derisive snort, which causes The Professional to look over to his side and chuckle. Dante, on the other hand, is not anywhere as amused.
Dante:
“After having outsmarted the imposing threat known as Twisted Steel, and after we OFFICIALLY were declared TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD, SOMEHOW, we are scheduled, in a NON-title match, of course, against a beluga whale and his… caretaker, I suppose?”
The belt over Mushigihara’s shoulder gleams as the big man shrugs nonchalantly.
Dante:
“No matter. All I see out of them are a pair of buffoons who are WAY out of their league, and this Sunday the Foreign Legion WILL prove it. Because the truth is, Bobby Dean, Lunchbox Larry? You two are nothing more than an INSULT.”
Dante points in an accusatory manner towards the camera.
Dante:
“We made a statement that WE are the Classic Tag Team Champions, and that Classic Wrestling could name their contenders for these belts. And in response, James Dale gives us a tub of goo and a sentient ventriloquist dummy?!”
Dante snaps an arm up, giving a slight backhand into Mushigihara’s chest, leading him to grit his teeth and growl in a low, menacing tone like a bear.
Dante:
“Suffice it to say, President Dale, we are offended that this is what you think of us. Offended that you think so lowly of YOUR Classic Tag Team Champions that you provide us with… PIG SLOP as an opponent!”
A deep breath, and a pair of clenched fists later, the mouthpiece of the Foreign Legion calms himself down and continues on.
Dante:
“So here…”
A stifled chuckle.
Dante:
“So here’s what’s going to happen. Classic Wrestling TV. Episode 5. The Foreign Legion will enter that ring in a non-title match, against Bobby Dean and… Some… Man.”
Eddie Dante turns his head to the side with disgust etched on his face, before furiously tapping the floor with the tip of his cane. He turns back to us.
Dante:
“The Foreign Legion will DEFEAT Bobby Dean and Some Man. And then, the Foreign Legion will MAKE EXAMPLES OUT OF BOBBY DEAN AND SOME MAN.”
The stifled frustration now becomes a bubbling anger.
Dante:
“And James Dale will have no choice but to watch as the opponents he signed off on to FACE HIS TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS… are ruthlessly DISMANTLED. Once we send them out of Classic Wrestling in a trash can… or a pine box… then. MAYBE THEN. James Dale will actually GIVE the Foreign Legion opponents that are actually worth hopping on a plane from Japan, or Belgium, actually WORTH the training and practice it takes to be CHAMPIONS. And heck. Maybe once we’ve destroyed… I can’t say the name anymore. Good gravy.”
A roll of the eyes.
Dante:
“Once we’ve sent those clowns back to the circus, maybe the Amazing Amarettos will actually give us a challenge at Slam-A-Thon! Because when it’s all said and done, the Foreign Legion ARE YOUR tag team champions. And Classic Wrestling WILL give them the respect they are due. You will NOT deny us. Not now. Not ever!”
Cut.
Darkness, and some off-hand conversation.
“Bobby Dean and Some Man… B-D-S-… sheesh, was Standards and Practices drunk or something at the time? Jesus.”