You’re in a local training facility. A couple lights illuminate a wrestling ring surrounded by punching bags, weight stations, and other workout equipment.
A nervous Lunchbox Larry paces in front of a couch on which the giant mass known as Bobby Dean lies across with a box of half-eaten chocolates on his chest. Larry’s black hair glistens as he passes under the bulb swaying overhead. His all black, moisture-wicking jumpsuit, with the orange Ls on his back, has reached critical mass as Lunchbox is drenched in sweat. Bob, with a chocolate covered pointer finger in his belly button and a thumb stuck in his mouth, releases a loud snore while soundly asleep in his baby blue robe.
Lunchbox: I can’t lose again. I CAN’T! You never lose. I’ve been listening to your every word, but I can’t execute. I guess I’m dumb. And I suck.
Dean wakes startled and confused.
Bobby: You’re not, uhm… you try hard, Gary! Keep following my lead and you’ll get it. Bobby Dean Guarantee!
Lunchbox: But I really want to win THIS match against Randall Schwartz.
Lunchbox: The guy they made you tag with. And you won. Then he said bad things about you and called me “loony” and said if I was smart I’d ditch you, too…
Bobby: Meh! Whatever. Jealousy makes people say stupid things, Perry. If he beats you then it means he’s better, which makes my wins with you EVEN MORE impressive! That’s a win-win!
Lunchbox: Isn’t it a lose-win?
Bobby: Maybe for BDSM? Because it’d be a lose-lose for you and a win-win for me. So don’t worry about it, Terry! And if you do win, it makes you look better… but with your terrible record, that just makes my team win with what’s-his-face look better!
Lunchbox: That’s a win-win!
Bobby: Yeahhhh, but let’s be realistic, Jerry.
Bobby: He’s got to be AT LEAST as good as you. ‘Cause if he was worse, I wouldn’t have been able to win that match.
Lunchbox: But you’ve won a handicap match against a better team. That means I’m worse than noth-
Bobby: Just do your best, Barry. You’ll lose, probably. But you gave it your all!
Larry dramatically collapses on Bobby’s couch, causing the big man to pull his feet up before his mentee crashes down on them. Bob throws his arms out and opens his mouth to chastise Larry, but notices something…
Bobby: Are you crying?
Bob plants his feet on the floor in front of him and pushes up, getting off the couch and away from his blubbering teammate as fast as he can move his obese body.
Bobby: Enough mentoring today, I think. I’ll just…
The words trail as Dean makes his way for the door, but Larry releases a sob that not even Bob’s thick skin can ignore. He looks down at the floor, then tilts his head and looks back at Larry out of the corner of his eye. The Beautiful Man from Honalee slowly turns around, rolling his eyes, and returns to the couch where Lunchbox is fully sprawled out on his stomach crying into a pillow.
Bobby: Alright, big guy… One more lesson.
Larry wipes his eyes and turns over, looking up to Bob like a helpless child.
Bobby: If you want to beat a guy like Schwartzenegger, you gotta understand how to cheat.
Larry’s innocent eyes pop.
Bobby: Don’t worry. YOU don’t have to cheat. You just gotta know how Randy will. You know he’s gonna try something shady. When he does, that’s when the rollup comes and you lose.
Lunchbox: Do you know anyone who could teach me?
Bobby: Yours truly! I always cheat-
Larry looks up to his mentor in horror.
Bobby: ED. I always cheat-ED, I’m reformed.
Lunchbox: But why?
Bobby: Because Uncle Cancer told me to.
Larry nods, having met Cancer Jiles he gets it. The man-child yawns.
Bobby: I’ll teach you everything tomorrow. Then you’ll be ready. For now, try to get some rest. You’ve been working so hard even I’m sleepy!
The soothing words of Bobby put Lunchbox out like a lullaby. Dean removes his baby blue robe, leaving him in his tighty whiteys that’re more tighty than whitey, covering Lunchbox with it like a blanket.
As Larry drifts off, he mumbles.
Lunchbox: You’re the best…
We can’t be sure, but it looks like a small smile forms on Bob’s face. Not the usual, sarcastic one…
An actual smile.
He probably farted.