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Mikey Unlikey's Fed of All Feds

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Welcome to SLAM-A-THON!

August 8, 2021 by mikey

The first shot we see is outside of the Gund Arena in Cleveland Ohio, and the fans are piling in the doors. Long lines stretch onto the street in front of the complex.

The video feed quickly cuts to the inside of the building where the majority of the seats are full and there’s a buzz in the air. The fans are very excited to get the show underway, as they sit and squirm, and talk about what’s coming up.

The lights die down and the fans come unglued as a highlight video fires up on the scoreboard screen. We see clips from the first five episodes of Classic Wrestling on RBTV. Including the REAL WORLDS CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT highlights. Finally the camera comes back to the ring. We see the layout for SLAM-A-THON. No big stage, just a wrestling ring in the middle of a large stadium. The entrance way is a long path through the fans, separated only by a guardrail. Inside the ring is ring announcer, Harrold Robbins. Before we get to him, we cut backstage where Otto Price stands smiling behind his podium. He’s dressed to the 9’s tonight and ready to get going as well.

“Welcome Classic Wrestling Fans, to the biggest show in Classic history! This is SLAM-A-THON!”

Inside the arena the fans yell excitedly.

Otto Price: “As you know by now, my name is Otto Price, the HOST of Classic Wrestling, and we’re here LIVE at the Gund Arena in Cleveland, Ohio for this unprecedented event! We’ve got some huge matches lined up for you! THREE championships will be on the line when we find out who the first REAL WORLD’S CHAMPION, PREMIER AMERICAN CHAMPION, AND THE CLASSIC WRESTLING TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS will be!”

He shifts gears from there.

Price: Not only do we have those HUGE matchups, but we’ve got a couple grudge matches as well! Before I tell you about those, let me introduce my CO-HOST for the first time ever tonight! We’re going to be joined by a Classic Wrestling superstar and his… manager?

He seems confused but that makes sense fairly quickly as his CO-HOST and friend make their way to the podium. We can hear a mechanical whirring noise as “The Future Fighter” Dash Dackson and his robot “Hello World” join Otto. 

Price: Dash Dackson! Glad to have you here with me for SLAM-A-THON! Hello World! I’m excited you could join us too!

Otto reaches over and tries to shake the hand of Hello World, but the robot just rolls right past him.

Dash Dackson: Hi-lo Otto! 

Dash looks over to Hello World who plays a laugh track. Otto Price is once again confused but hides it with a smile. 

Dackson: You see that would have been a great joke where I’m from. 

Dash looks and smiles into the camera. 

Dackson: The future, I’m from the future. Not sure if I mentioned that yet.  

Price: You may have mentioned it in the past. 

Hello World plays the laugh track again, to which Dash looks at H-Dub and shakes his head. 

Dash: No H-dub, only when I mention the past. 

The awkward silence between the hosts is interrupted by the sound of Hello World printing a piece of paper. Dash grabs it from his friend and begins reading it. 

Dash: And speaking of the future Otto, how about this line up tonight?

Price: That’s right Dash! It’s going to be a big night here. Let’s talk about what we’re going to see happen between Lord Colossus and King Kong Frank!? We saw my new boss, and yours Gruff Myers last week on the show make the match. With Gordy Lovett as special Ring Enforcer! How do you think that one is going to go down Dash?

Dackson: Well I could tell you exactly how it would go down Otto but then I would have to hyper-blast you into oblivion. 

The laugh track is once again heard coming from the resident robot. 

Dackson: Just thrashing you Otto. That canvas and wood you pastians call a ring is going to be working overtime to support those two big men. Am I right!?

Price: I’m with you on that one for sure! We’ve also got another big man in Classic Wrestling, Doctor Devastation going up against our resident superhero… Harry Chest! Do you think the Good Doctor takes this one, or is Harry going to SOAR to victory?

Dackson: Do you really want to know? Because I really could tell you. We could run the risk of time imploding onto itself but it might be worth it. 

Price: Um, no offense Dash, but I want to get Hello World’s opinion on some of these matches too! Of Course we have the big 6 man battle royal for the Premier American Championship! Freddy Kilgore, Randall Schwartz, Vito Valentino, Shujin Yama, Carlos Ruiz, and Jack Fargo all get the opportunity to bring the championship home! H-Dub, your thoughts? 

Hello World: I fail to understand how this battle is in fact royal. To my knowledge not one of the six individuals involved are monarchs. Does the implication of this battle mean one of them will be crowned a king or an emperor? 

Dackson: What about the one who has to get a job at that place with King in the name? You know after his dreams all get crushed. The place that has those Wipers. 

Hello World: Whoppers sir, but Burger King is not a form of royalty. It is an establishment that delivers swift nourishment in the form of hamburgers. 

Otto Price is expressionless but quickly pushes on with a smile.

Price: Finally we’ve got our main event of the evening when we see “All Business” Alex Bruder take on Rush Starling in the finals of our REAL WORLDS TITLE TOURNAMENT! Both men have fought and won against THREE other Classic Wrestling superstars to reach this match. Now who will survive and be crowned the first champion of Classic Wrestling? We’ve got a big night ahead of folks so let’s get right into it! Down to my colleagues at ringside. Patrick Moss, and Joel “Thunderbird” Howley! 

 

 

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