The scene opens to an awesome music video of Classic Wrestling montage action! We’ve got highlights of season one, including the amazing Pay Per View events.Instead of the usual track by Ozzy Osborne we’re treated to a new theme for Classic Wrestling on RBTV! “Back in Black” by AC/DC is playing over the wrestling excellence. It continues to play when we move to the live arena. A slightly updated set with flashing lights has the fans dancing along. The volume lowers as we move over to our commentary team!
Moss: Welcome ladies and gentlemen, I’m Patrick Moss, and I’m joined by my tag team partner on commentary… Joel “Thunderbird” Howley! How we doing Joel!?
Howley: Doing good, feeling great, and looking even better Moss! Are you telling me after all this time, I’m just now finding out you have a first name?
Moss: Well I’ve said it on every broadcast thus far…
Howley: Trippy! Well get ready Classic fans cause we’re BACK and we’re ready to rock here at RBTV Studios!
Moss: We sure are and let’s not forget to introduce the HOST of Classic Wrestling, my friend and yours… Otto Price!
The camera cuts over to Otto who stands in tuxedo behind his podium. The fans give him a warm welcome back.
Price: I’m just as excited to be here as you boys, and each and every one of these fantastic fans here in attendance. That’s right, I’m Otto Price and excited to bring you another great year of Classic Wrestling! Tonight we’ve got 6 BIG MATCHUPS and so so much more!
The fans react to the exciting words from Otto! WOOHOO!
Price: We’ve got a couple tag team matches in store… including one involving our very own REAL WORLD’S CHAMPION….Mr. Vito Valentino!
The Classic-ites hoot and holler.
Price: We’ve also got the debut of Derek Miracle in store tonight! You saw him last time help Freddy Kilgore out of a pickle! Now it’s time to see what he can bring to the squared circle.
The sound rings around the Classic Arena, and the Japanese National Anthem begins to play above the boos of the gathered crowd. On stage, decked in a white robe rimmed and studded with a shimmering red, steps the gargantuan Shujin Yama. The Premier American Championship sits on his shoulder, looking much smaller than it is in reality when Yama is the reference for comparison. Behind the champion, the Japanese flag flies at the tip of a long pole, swung back and forward by the slimy Sensei Abe Lincoln who steps out behind Yama.
With a near-militant march, Yama stomps towards the ring, while Lincoln continues to wave the flag behind him. While Yama wipes his bare feet on the apron, Lincoln takes a break from his patriotic expression to pull the middle and top ropes as far apart as he possibly can so that Yama can fit through them. Doing so, Yama then takes up a space in the centre of the ring and lifts a tree trunk-like leg into the air. He lets out a terrible war cry, as he stomps down into a crouched pose – the flag waving behind him once more in Lincoln’s hands to a series of boos.
Otto Price meets the pair in the ring, with a microphone ready.
Price: Ladies and gentlemen, we closed out last year with the Real World’s Champion, and kicking us off in the new year is the Premier American Champion Shujin Yama, and his associate Sensei Abe Lincoln. Gentlemen, thank you for joining me.
Yama glares at Price, refusing to concede space in the middle of the ring. Lincoln slithers past him and keeps Price to the side of the ring, giving Yama all the space he wants.
Lincoln: Thank us, yes, mmhmm. Thank Shujin Yama for being longest reigning champion in Classic Wrestling history. Thank Shujin Yama for being here at all. Thank Shujin Yama for every breath you take.
Price: I take it that the mindset of the Premier American Champion is much the same as it was last year, then?
Lincoln: Mindset? Shujin Yama only has one mindset. Shujin Yama is Oni of Oblivion, and that is Shujin Yama’s promise to Classic Wrestling; Shujin Yama’s New Year’s resolution. Oblivion for all.
Price: And what of Scott Hunter? On the final episode of last year, Hunter was able to defeat Shujin Yama in a three way dance, even making the champion submit! Some might say he now deserves a shot at your champion.
He spits. Yama looks typically menacing.
Lincoln: Fake news. Shujin Yama did not submit. Ignorant referee misunderstood Shujin Yama’s cultural mannerisms and cost Shujin Yama match. Scott-San did not defeat Shujin Yama. Scott-San could never defeat Shujin Yama. Scott-San will never have chance to. Shujin Yama is not just MY champion. No, mmhmm. Shujin Yama is your champion too. Shujin Yama is Scott-San’s champion. Shujin Yama is champion of everyone.
Price: But what I would like to know – and I’m sure the great fans here in attendance as well as all of those watching at home would agree with me – is whether or not Shujin Yama intends to defend that championship, and if so, when?
Lincoln: You want to know ‘when’?
Lincoln feigns surprise at this.
Lincoln: Are you sure you want to know ‘when’?
Otto Price turns to the crowd.
Price: Do you all want to know ‘when’ too?
A raucous ‘YES!’ cries out in response. Lincoln continues to feign surprise.
Lincoln: Forgive me, I did not know. I will tell you ‘when’, mmhmm. I will tell you now! For Shujin Yama is winner of first main event in Classic Wrestling history; Shujin Yama is first person to take a championship from another; Shujin Yama is first to successfully defend championship; and now… Shujin Yama will be first to compete in new year. Yes. Shujin Yama will defend Premier American Championship, right now!
Price: Oh my! Did you hear that, folks? The Premier American Championship will apparently be defended right now!
A loud cheer ripples around the studio. Otto Price turns back towards Lincoln.
Price: But who will be the challenger? Not Scott Hunter, it seems.
Lincoln: No, not Scott-San. I have personally selected challenged, yes. This competitor is a former American marine, yes. A former Golden Gloves boxing champion. A former national wrestling champion. This man fought battles across the world, and never lost! Yes, he is true American hero!
Price: Well what’s his name?
Lincoln’s head slightly bows and his eyes peer out from underneath his bowler cap. Devilishly, he grins.
Lincoln: His name is Uncle Sam.
“You’re a Grand Old Flag” begins to play, and out onto the stage, a 90-something year-old man steps out in a full red, white, and blue get-up.
Moss: Oh my Lord, what is this?
The man – Uncle Sam – staggers towards the ring using a cane to help himself walk. The ever-helpful Lincoln holds the ropes for him, as he did Yama. ‘Uncle Sam’ stumbles through, almost slipping, before coming face to face with the massive Shujin Yama.
Price: You’ve got to be joking! Lincoln! Yama! That man’s accolades are impressive, but he is surely not able to fight as he once did.
Lincoln: Do you doubt the strengths of American military?
He almost laughs as he asks the question.
Price: What? No! That’s not what I-
Lincoln: Then it is decided. Ring bell.
Though Lincoln requested it, Yama doesn’t even wait to hear a bell. He flattens ‘Uncle Sam’ in an instant, and the old man crumbles to the mat. Price gets out of dodge, and he and the commentary team loudly protest.
Moss: This is heinous by any measure!
Price: Will somebody get out here and stop this!
Yama begins dragging the old man’s carcass towards the corner, and begins to scale the ropes as if he’s looking for the Banzai Drop.
Moss: No! He’ll kill him!
It would be here where things go sideways in a hurry.
The surge of guitar mastery that is The Nooge’s opus, “Stranglehold,” interrupts the rampaging sumo as he’s just about to make a grease stain on the ringmat out of Uncle Sam.
Howley: Uh-oh! It’s about to get rowdy here in Cleveland tonight!
Moss: You can say that again!
King Kong Frank explodes from behind the curtain and stomps his way to the ringside area! It’s no surprise that he’s swinging a 10ft chain all over the place like a maniac. Forgoing his usual antics, Frank slides into the ring with a grunt and hops up to his feet as deftly as his lumbering frame allows for.
Howley: Frank’s not in their with some ham’n egger, either, Moss! He’s standing in the ring with Shujin Yama! The Premier American Champion!
Moss: Have you forgotten that King Kong Frank is the very man who stared down Lord Colossus in a Chain Match?
Howley: I’m just sayin’, Moss!
Frank plods toward the center of the ring, allowing Sensei Abe Lincoln to remove himself post-haste before the beef starts flying. Yama crosses massive arms over his massive chest, clearly unimpressed by the leviathan in front of him.
KKF: COME ON, BIG’UN! TRY THAT BUNCHA MESS WITH OL’ FRANK!
The Mountain smirks.
A tense moment stalls in the air.
After a time, Yama disengages, backing slowly away from the Barefoot Brawler. Outside of the ring the Sensei has regained his composure as well as his combative nature. Without missing a beat he starts in about how Yama only fight’s on Yama’s time. It’s a tired spiel, but it works for what it is. The boos start raining down as the Champion steps backward through the ropes and takes his leave of the ring.
Moss: Shujin Yama is a coward, Thunderbird!
Howley: WHAT?! Are you on the sauce again? Shujin Yama was competing against a highly decorated competitor before Frank decided to poke his nose into Yama’s business!
Moss: Will you stop?
Inside the ring King Kong Frank goes to a’rompin’ and a’stompin’ around, chain flying every which way but loose, and the fans start a “Frank’s gonna kill you!” chant. Uncle Sam, finally showing signs of life, rolls out of the ring where he’s then checked out by the ringside medical staff. Frank climbs the near turnbuckle, gives a big thumbs up to the grizzled veteran and former Spec-Ops marine, before bellowing a familiar battle cry.
And of course, the Classic fans pick it up and turn it into a chant.
Otto Price pops back into the scene.
Price: We’ll be right back with King Kong Frank taking on Ricky Broadway!
After these messages…
…we’ll be riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight back.