The famous guitar solo opening of the Eagles’ classic “Life in the Fast Lane” hits the speakers and the crowd goes bananas! Vito “Metro” Valentino makes his way down to the ringside area, wearing a green, white, and red, short-legged singlet, with black fingerless gloves and white boots with the letters “VV” written in classic cursive handwriting on each side.
Moss: Alright folks it’s time for our main event! Big matchup for both guys here and a chance to propel them to the next level!
Howley: That’s right Moss, anytime you’re in the main event and it’s not a title match, it’s because you’re being considered for one! It’s time to step up, or shut up!
With a fist in the air, he stops at the steps where the roar of the crowd washes over him like a warm blanket. After pounding the steps three times for good luck, he quickly gets into the ring, ascends a turnbuckle, and raises another fist for the crowd. Climbing back down, he stretches his arms, shoulders, and neck as he awaits the bell to ring.
March and Fanfare by The Bobs plays and Vito waits patiently for his opponent to come through the curtain. After a few seconds he hasn’t appeared.
Moss: Where’s Randall Schwartz?
Howley: He’s waiting for the crescendo!
Suddenly the apron moves on the side of the ring with the fans, and out crawls Randall Schwartz on all fours. He peaks over the apron and sees that Vito is faced the other way. The Hollywood socialite makes his move, sneaks in the ring and pulls something out of his tights.
Moss: Is that a roll of quarters?
Howley: No! I’m sure it’s some sort of athletic tape he’s holding. Probably a lucky charm, or some sort of athletic support…
Schwartz turns Vito around and clocks him with that fist holding the object. Quarters go flying around the ring.
Moss: You were saying?
Howley: He must have had to make a deposit after the show, classic mistake!
The official gets on Randall about the weapon attack but Schwartz contends that the match hasn’t begun yet. The bell hasn’t rang so he can’t be disqualified for it. The official thinks about it and is forced to accept that it’s true. Randall tells him to ring the bell and get the match started.
The fans boo loudly at this.
Howley: I like this guy’s style, he’s going to steal one right here!
Moss: I don’t like it at all!
Kevin Clady signals for the bell. Randall immediately jumps on top of Vito, who’s holding his head. Lifting the leg, he completes the pin attempt.
Randall Schwartz can’t believe it. He looks panicked. He gets up and immediately begins to argue with the official, thinking he had it won. Vito slowly gets up using the ropes. Randall spots him and reaches back into his tights again, he’s got another roll of quarters!
Howley: He must own some vending machines Moss.
Running at Metro and swings for the fences but Valentino ducks! The roll of quarters goes flying over the top rope and towards the curtain. It bursts open and the change clatters loudly all over the floor. The fans cheer loudly at the missed attempt. Vito tries to attack Randall but he’s still a little dazed from the initial shot. Schwartz blocks a left and kicks Vito in the gut. He sends Metro into the turnbuckle and follows up with a clothesline in the corner. Vito stumbles out of the corner and Randall grabs his head and does a neckbreaker. Metro holds his neck in pain on the mat.
Moss: Now it seems The Entertainer is in firm control of this match. He’s followed up his big shot with quite a bit more offense than we usually see out of him! Vito meanwhile needs an opening!
That opening doesn’t come for a few minutes until Schwarts goes upto the second rope and jumps off, looking for a leg drop. Metro is able to roll out of the way leaving Schwartz holding his backside and being laughed at. Both men take their time to get up and when they meet, Vito is able to block a shot and deliver one back, and another, and another. Vito steps back and hooks Randall and lifts him up for a suplex. He holds him in the air for awhile… The fans begin to count out loud. After about 10 seconds Vito drops Schwartz down to the mat.
Howley: Valentino showing off the size disparity in this match! Which has somehow happened during every Randall Schwartz match!
Moss: What are you trying to say Thunderbird?
Howley: That guy is tiny!
Vito is able to drop a knee into the back of The Entertainers back. He then hits a quick forearm to the same area. When Vito goes to grab both legs of Randall he panics and struggles to get free from Metro. He pulls Metro in and then pushes back away, launching off the Italian. Randall scurries to the ring apron and points to his head. He climbs to the top rope and as Vito gets up, he jumps towards him with a double ax handle smash!
Howley: Here he comes!
He comes down and Vito drops to a single knee, When Randall lands he lands right on top of it with a self inflicted reverse atomic drop.
Moss: And there he goes!
Howley: That’s gotta hurt! He landed right on his Schwartz!
The fans laugh loudly at the events in the ring as the afflicted hops around holding his netheregion.
Vito grabs the legs and pulls them out from under his opponent, steps over and turns the hold over!
Moss: He’s got it locked in! The Metro Avenue Deathlock!
It only takes a few seconds before Randall yells at the referee that he gives up.
The bell rings and Vito releases the hold right away. He pats Schwartz on the back twice and begins to celebrate as his music hits. He moves to the corner and stand on the second rope and yells out towards the fans, they respond in kind, cheering him on.
Robbins: Your winner by Submission, “METRO” VITO VALENTINO!
Moss: That man is going into In Your Haunted House to face the champion! Will he be as successful as he was tonight, or will “All Business” walk out of the pay per view with the gold!
Howley: Speak of the devil!
Alex Bruder comes through the curtain, he’s wearing a suit and the championship around his waist. With his hands on his hips the Champion takes one final opportunity to size up his challenger. He steps into the ring, Vito notices him getting in. The pair stand nose to nose and Bruder begins barking at Valentino. Metro smiles and gives some back as the fans get on their feet excited by what might happen next.
Moss: Folks were out of time, tune into In Your Haunted House live on Pay Per View, October 31st to see this clash amongst many many more! It’s going to be a huge night of action with every championship on the line! For Thunderbird Howley, I’m Patrick Moss, thanks for tuning in folks!