The camera pans through the halls where a young woman in a tan suit, hat and magnifying glass scans the inner halls of the Gund Arena. She keeps on turning her glass upon some of the multiple promotional posters for some of the different matches on the card.
Tag Team Championships: The Foreign Legion vs BDSM ©
Chain Match: King Kong Frank vs Lord Colossus
Premier American Championship: Freddy Kilgore vs Shujin Yama (C)
Real Worlds Championship: Vito Valentino vs Alex Bruder ©
Dr. Graves: Hello and welcome on this fantastic journey that we are about to take! I am Doctor Selah Graves, World-renowned Archaeologist, professional wrestling manager on the rise, and budding hobbyist/armchair occult and supernatural expert. Tonight, as we bring this massive Pay-Per-View showing called In Your Haunted House, myself and my colleague, “Jurassic” Joe Stone, are here to figure out the mystery that is burning on all of your minds…
She jabs a thumb at the title of the PPV on the poster of the Real Worlds Championship between Alex Bruder and Vito Valentino.
Dr. Graves: WHY is this Haunted House haunted? I have several theories and tonight, we’re going to go through each of them…
Words appear on the screen:
MONSTERS GOING BUMP IN THE NIGHT
Dr. Graves: While some view our planet as nothing more than an infinitesimal dot amongst a sea of shining stars… more on that theory later… to us here on the ground, the world is still an amazing place with mysteries yet to be discovered! New advances yet to be made! So even with science on our side, we cannot shut our eyes to the otherworldly, especially this time of year. Sounds could be nothing…
Random banging on pipes can be heard in the background.
Dr. Graves: … or they could be everything.
Louder banging is heard, so she cups an ear to the wall to investigate further.
Dr. Graves: There are tales of all sorts of monsters that aren’t without their kernel of truth. Bigfoot. Werewolves. Vampires. Many more. All of these things have been covered in mythology over the course of time and–WHAT WAS THAT?!?!
More banging can be heard.
Dr. Graves: There is CLEARLY something behind this wall! This does not sound like some spectre… this is no normal ghost…
The sound gets close and Dr. Graves back away.
Dr. Graves: Be prepared! Something is going bump in the night behind this wall!
The wall EXPLODES and out comes “Jurassic” Joe Stone, tumbling through the wall like a master of shocks! He starts to stumble back up to his feet.
Joe Stone: WALL! DIE! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
He grabs his club and then bashes the wall down to nothing!
Joe Stone: I SHOW WALL! WALL GET CRUSHED BY JOE! AHHHHHH!
As he continues to bust the hole open wider, Dr. Graves comes up and grabs the arm of Joe.
Dr. Graves: NO, JOE, NO! THAT WALL COSTS AT LEAST ONE WINNER’S PURSE! SUN’S GETTING LOW! SUN’S GETTING LOW! I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, I JUST HEARD IT SOMEWHERE! CALM DOWN!
When Joe finally notices that Dr. Graves is taken aback by his behavior, he starts to put the club down and when he realizes that Dr. Graves is nearby, he finally starts to calm down.
Joe Stone: I sorry! Wall not turnbuckle! Therefore, wall go smash!
Dr. Graves: …It’s okay… I think we’re getting paid for these appearances? I hope? Research is expensive and so are arena repairs. Let’s go. We still have a mystery to explore.
Stone nods and then he starts to walk off with Dr. Graves…
Then comes back and bashes the wall one more time for good measure!
Joe Stone: …RRRAAAAHHH!
THEN Joe heads off with Dr. Graves to solve more mysteries.