We come back from a commercial break and are immediately brought to the ring where Joel “Thunderbird” Howley is standing by with a microphone.
There’s a few “Thun-der-bird!” chants happening, to which Joel acknowledges with a bow and a roll of his hand.
Howley: Thank you, folks. Thank you. But if I may have your attention for a moment, I want to introduce two people. Two competitors that are going to be facing each other on the next episode of Classic Wrestling TV… and it’s going to be for the REAL World’s Championship!
“RAAAAAAH!” the audience roars.
Howley: First, I want to introduce the challenger. This young man has had a rocket strapped to his butt as of late with some impressive wins against some stiff competition. Ladies and gentlemen, he is one half of Surf Express BRO… BRADLEEEEEEEEE NELSOOOOOOON!!
The fans all cheer as ‘Nothing But A Good Time’ by Poison begins playing in the studio. Almost immediately, Bradlee’s tag team partner and cohort in all things Classic Wrestling, Bowie Abrams, runs out, followed by the man of the hour himself, Bradlee Nelson.
Each member of The Surf Express Bros slap hands with the fans as they make their way down to the ringside area. Both Bradlee and Bowie enter the ring on opposite sides of the ring, happily meeting in the center with a bro-bump over the head of Howley. Looking a bit annoyed by this, Howley shakes his head and clears his throat into the microphone.
Howley: Well that was kind of uncalled for. Anyway.
Howley stops and looks at Bowie.
Howley: Why are you even out here? This isn’t a match, and it certainly isn’t a tag team affair.
Bowie: Sup Thunderbird, dude! You know I had to accompanify my main bro Bradlee out here for this most prestigimous contract signing!
The fans laugh and cheer on Bowie as Bradlee slaps Howley on his shoulder.
Bradlee: Bro this is really far out, look at all these Bro’s out here in the crowd!
Howley rolls his eyes as the fans laugh.
Howley: Alrighty then. Moving on. Next, we have the REAL World’s Champion himself… Vito Valentino.
That amazing guitar solo opening of the Eagles’ classic “Life in the Fast Lane” hits and the crowd goes absolutely BONKERS!
Vito Valentino appears at the top of the aisle with the Classic Wrestling REAL World’s Championship snapped tightly around his waist. Adorned in a pair of jeans, his trademark sunglasses, a custom made pair of neon Reebok pumps with the Classic Wrestling logo on the side, and a sleeveless Lunchbox Larry t-shirt, Vito pumps up his retro basketball shoes and then motions for everyone out in the audience to “get pumped” themselves!
Heading to the ring, Vito slaps hands with fans in the front row all up and down the aisle. Rolling under the bottom rope, Vito stands up expertly from the roll so as to not lose his sunglasses from his head. Looking at Bowie and Bradlee, Vito extends his fist to both of them. They gladly accept and bump Vito’s fist to the adulation of the crowd.
Howley: Alright, now that-
Vito snatches the microphone from Howley.
Metro: Way to put some emphasis on my name there, paisano. Not sure what I ever did to you, Thunderbird, but I trust from this point forward you’ll be a little more respectful towards me, yes?
Vito hands back the microphone to Howley, to which the audience cheers Vito for putting Thunderbird on blast due to his obvious disdain for the Real World’s Champion.
Howley: Sure, Vito. Whatever you say.
Howley rolls his eyes, which garners some scattered boos from the audience. The man they call Thunderbird goes to speak again, but this time Bradlee takes the microphone away from him, showing some gusto in the process!
Bradlee: Bro, Thunderdude, you gotta put some respect on the dude with that bodacious gold belt. This surfer of the streets is the best wrestler in all of Classic Wrestling and he and I are going to tear the house down in two weeks!
Howley sighs and waves ringside for another microphone, Bradlee and Bowie are clearly high-fiving and chumming it up with Metro. Howley pulls a large folder out from his suit jacket and places it on a table in the center of the ring.
Howley: If you two would have a seat, we can move on with this…
Bradlee excitedly pulls the chair out and lets Bowie sit down while Vito takes his post across from the Bros. Howley looks up at Bradlee, confused.
Bradlee: Mr. Birdbro… I uhh need a chair dude…
Thunderbird Howley’s face could not get any deeper into his own hands, he waves again at ringside as a second chair is brought to the ring and placed on the side our most Bodacious Bros have claimed as their own.
Howley: Bradlee… so you’ve claimed the number one contendership two weeks ago, against three more deserving opponents. How are you going to handle this big match with Vito?
Metro: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Three more deservin’ opponents? C’mon now, Thunderbird. You know as well as these METROpolitans do that Bradlee Nelson is as fine a competitor as anybody else in that fatal fourway. The only difference between Bradlee and the rest? Bradlee actually won. So I think you, and aaaaaannybody else who feels that way, should show Bradlee a little bit more respect! ‘Cause I’ll tell you somethin’, Bird-O. I’m honored to defend this championship against this man!
The fans collectively pop at Vito’s words, meanwhile Howley sits in his chair as still as a stroke victim.
Bradlee: Metrobro, it’s such an honor to even have my name uttered next to yours. A little bro like me, from Pocatello, Idaho living the dream in the big city… this is what it’s all about dude. I couldn’t imagine a better guy to get in the ring wi…
Howley: SO… Vito… don’t you feel offended by Bradlee constantly referring to you as bro or dude instead of having some emphasis on that name of yours?
Bradlee and Bowie look mortified, horrified, disturbed, if there’s another synonym for any of those words the Brosideons of The Brocean have it etched across their faces.
Bradlee: Thunderdude… it’s clearly an affectionate term… I’d never want to disrespect my bro Vito here… I’m just humbled to be in the ring with the two of you about to sign this contract.
Metro: Don’t worry about it, Bradster. Thunderbird here is just mad ‘cause I put him on blast for disrespectin’ my name by announcin’ it like I was Shooter Landell or somethin’. Fact is, I don’t mind bein’ called bro, brother, dude, dudeman, mandude, or whatever other name somebody can come up with. I didn’t scratch and claw my way to the top of the mountain by sweatin’ the small stuff on the way up. ‘Sides, I’ve seen you speak here in Classic for a while now, Bradlee, and I know the word ‘malice’ ain’t even in your vocabulary!
Howley: Neither are a lot of other words, actually.
Bradlee looks up with a huge grin and hugs Thunderbird. Howley scrambles to get away from Bradlee Nelson, kicking his feet and everything.
Bradlee: Thanks BirdBro, I never thought I’d hear you say something that nice about me.
Vito is laughing into his palms over just how quickly Howley rebuked Bradlee’s offer of affection.
Howley: Let’s just get this contract signed already… Jesus…
Thunderbird throws two pens on the table and firmly points to the contract.
Vito picks up a pen and goes to sign the contract… but stops.
Metro: Hey, I’m sorry man. Did you want to go first? I apologize for bein’ a little hasty with my ‘penmanship’.
The crowd laughs at Vito’s play on words. Bradlee looks like Dobby from Harry Potter after Harry asked him if he would like to sit down. Bradlee looks at Bowie for a moment, unsure of himself, before returning the favor to Vito.
Bradlee: Bro… I would never have imagined going first. Clearly, your name is right there, go ahead and take the lead dude. Champions first and all that jazz…
The crowd explodes in cheers as Bradlee caps his pen very matter of factly.
Howley: It’s champi… just sign it, please you guys just sign it.
Vito nods his head and signs the contract and the crowd once again erupts in cheers for their hero. Vito looks up at Bradlee, who has pulled a giant pink ‘Metro Is Number One’ foam finger from somewhere. Bowie tries to stop him, but he places it on the table in front of Vito.
Bradlee: Could you sign this too?
Vito looks flabbergasted by Bradlee’s ask. Chuckling, Vito shrugs.
Metro: Sure! Why not!
Howley goes to say something but Vito stops him in his tracks.
Metro: Don’t. Whatever it is you were goin’ to say, don’t. Bradlee’s allowed to be a METROpolitan just as much as any of these great fans that came out to see us tonight!!
The fans cheer in unison and even begin a ‘Metro! Metro! Metro!’ chant. That Bradlee is chanting along with. Bobbing his head along with the chants, Vito grabs the foam finger and signs his signature right across it. Bradlee’s face lights up like he just got Karate Fighters on Christmas morning.
Metro: Oh, that reminds me! I wanted to give you this, Bradster!
Vito reaches into his pocket and pulls out several perfectly wrapped stacks of MECCA tokens and hands them to the Surf Express Bro. Bowie and Bradlee high five with their stack of MECCA tokens.
Howley: I hate you both. So, so much.
Howley points beside Bradlee’s name, and stares a hole into the bodacious one. Bradlee holds up the pen, and takes the cap off. He throws the cap into the crowd like a wild man, and the ‘Metro! Metro!’ chants slowly morph into a back and forth.
Bradlee Nelson scribbles his name on the contract, and makes sure to add bro at the end of it as the crowd explodes. Our scene fades with Thunderbird Howley dejectedly walking away from the table while Metro and The Surf Express Bro celebrate in the ring!