The feed fades to another location. We find ourselves in a Las Vegas day spa, in the company of two rather AMAZING Tag Team Champions – CARLO and GOMEZ AMARETTO.
Carlo: Avanti, puny-minded masses Classique Wrestling! And a thousand pardons that we cannot attend tonight’s spectacular event!
The Evil Abra is laid up on a massage bed, grinning deviously and puffing on a cigar. A masseuse is delicately working her hands into the muscles of his back.
Gomez: Although, can such an event be considered “spectacular” without our AMAZING presence? I am not so sure!
Not far away, the Killer Kadabra enjoys a pina colada while reclining back in a sun chair. A personal pedicurist diligently files down his toenails.
Carlo: As you can see, Gomez and I are taking some much deserved rest and relaxation after our triumphant performance at Capital Clash!
Gomez: Even the power of magic needs to take a break every now and again! And our magic has been hard at work these past months, dazzling the peasantry and dominating the tag team scene!
Carlo: But do not fear, you pitiful rabble… for when you next see your AMAZING Tag Team Champions return to the ring, it shall be a spectacle of EPIQUE proportions!
Gomez: Bully for YOU, you ignorant drolls! And woe to the next set of unlucky volunteers who will be appearing in our next act!
Astute viewers would notice that his feet are propped upon the stacked remains of a broken surfboard.
A door swings open, and the brothers’ not-so-lovely assistant SUZIE storms into the room, impatiently puffing down a menthol Pall Mall with both arms burdened by the weight of the Tag Team Championship belts.
Suzie: Arright, youse guys, this is baloney…
There’s an annoyed twang in her voice. She angrily throws the straps to the ground between the brothers. It gets their attention.
Suzie: Youse guys said I could be part of the act if I helped you win, and all youse had me doin’ since then is shine these stupid title belts.
Carlo thoughtfully strokes his goatee.
Carlo: But… did you really help us win?
Suzie: I tried gettin’ youse the magic wand, didn’t I?
Gomez deviously twirls his mustache.
Gomez: True, but, if I recall correctly, that was to no avail.
Carlo: Indeed! In fact, it was only thanks to OUR inconceivable ingenuity and masterful showmanship that we managed to leave with those titles!
Gomez: For you see, Suzie, you feeble-minded female… being a master of magic is a delicate balance of important skills and talents!
A deck of cards materializes in Carlo’s hand. He waves it enchantingly through the air before spreading it apart and pulling out the Ace of Hearts. With a flick of his fingers, the card disappears in thin air!
Carlo: It requires TIMING… and FOCUS… and SUBTLETY! Qualities that YOU, quite obviously, still lack!
Across the room, Gomez flicks his own fingers… and the same card appears in his hand.
Gomez: And until you develop these abilities, we’re afraid your apprenticeship must invariably continue!
Suzie shrinks, like a child who has been denied the promise of ice cream.
Carlo: Ahh, but do not don’t worry, dear Suzie! There will be PLENTY of opportunities for you to rise to the occasion in proving that for at least once, you can make yourself useful!
Gomez: For now, keep practicing your hand-eye coordination by continuing to polish those belts!
Carlo: Yes! Repetitive motions and mundane tasks are KEY to your training!
Gomez: Now POLISH, foul woman! Polish until you can see every feature of your haggard face in their reflection!
Suzie huffs briefly in anger… but her eyes gloss over with apathy, as being dead inside for many a year have left her numb to the feeling of heartbreak. She bends over to pick up the belts and slinks out of the room…
Suzie: I’ve quit bettah jobs than this…
The door closes behind her with a SLAM, prompting the Amarettos to roll their eyes in unison. With her out of their hair, they redirect their devious grins to the viewers at home.
Carlo: See? THAT is how you make a not-so-lovely assistant DISAPPEAR!
Gomez: Because we are masters of the MIND just as well as the MAT!
Carlo: But the show has only just begun on our magnificent, magical reign as YOUR Tag Team Champions! For in our next dazzling performance, we will yet again marvel you ignorant worms with fantastic feats the likes of which you have never seen!
Gomez: Because anything and EVERYTHING we do, whether it be magic tricks or magical triumphs, is nothing short of being absolutely…
They wink to each other. Viewers at home cringe and cover their ears to brace themselves.
Carlo & Gomez: A-MAAAAAAA-ZIIIIIINNNG!!!
The twin magicians cackle in over-theatrical arrogance as the shot fades to black