The camera fades in on Otto Price smiling as he stands behind his podium with his microphone in hand.
Price: Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve made time in the broadcast to question none other than the man who perpetrated an illegal assault against Bobby Dean last week right here on our program. With me is-
The Undercover Lover bursts onto the screen, an uncharacteristic sneer on his face as he yanks the microphone from Otto’s hand. The crowd boos as Otto timidly goes for the mic, only to be backed off by the threat of a wound up backhand from the Lover.
Lover: Hey shut up and give Lover some space! I’m not going to stand here and be tried by a jury with zero grace!
As crowd boos louder, Lover’s sneer turns to a cheeky smile as he blows kisses and points to a woman in the front row. While he’s distracted, Otto manages to yank his thin microphone from out of The Lover’s fist. He plants a finger on the Lover’s chest accusingly, nearly making the caught off guard Lover beg off.
Price: We all saw what you did last week to Bobby Dean! There’s no refuting it. The ref saw it, these fine fans saw it, and I saw it! You were rightly DQ’d on the spot! and I hope that they at least fined you for aggravated assault!
The crowd cheers on Otto, but the Lover’s having none of it. He gently facepalms the interviewer and shoves him out of frame, yanking the microphone from his grasp as he does so.
Lover: You want answers for what I did? You want some grand reveal? You want a reason as to why Bobby’s slurping through a straw now at every meal? I’ll tell you why up front. I have nothing to hide. Bobby Dean was a wee Lover’s hero growing up, and I once said that with pride. I’d watch him on TV, dressed up as him for Halloween. It didn’t matter if the Lover was sick or grounded, he never missed watching Bobby Dean. He gave me confidence in being different by making everyone’s yuck his yum. Now Lover saw that through his crib bars and he said “I want that! Gimme some”. But ya see, as time went on Bobby Dean didn’t go away. And as he grew despondent and lazy, all the more of him was here to stay.
The Lover hoists his boot up on the podium in an impressive feat of flexibility.
Lover: Meanwhile as soon as the Lover gets a footing here in Classic Dub, some glorified vacuum with a vendetta puts him on the shelf with a foot for his harem to rub. For three months Lover sat and watched to keep up with the program. He watched as Dean leaned on the ropes breaking a sweat merely watching Larry go ham. Meanwhile deep inside my cast a sock started to fester and rot. And as my foot remained trapped and stagnate I realized the sock favored Bobby a lot. I once carried the weight of my career figuratively on my hero and literally on my footwear. But in my absence from the ring, both started to stink up the place while I’m not there. So when the cast came off and my sock was revealed in all of it’s odorous din, like with Bobby Dean’s influence before it, I tried washing it away with deep chagrin. But the odor still stood just like you stood across from me when I came back on the scene. I realized that just like with the sock’s stench, I’d never be rid of Bobby Dean. We’d always be compared, but while I’m maligned you’re touted. You do what I do and the audience cheers, but when I tried it they all pouted. So I took out my sock and filled it with a rock so it could finally meet it’s pair. It kissed your skull and I left you behind, but Bobby do not despair. You weren’t the first love that I’ve left lying asleep while slinking out the back door. But don’t act all mad and violated; we both know you’ve been pink socked before. OH HAVE MERCY!
Lover hands the microphone back off to the dejected Otto Price and blows double kisses to the booing masses as he backs out of the shot.
Price: There you have it ladies and gentlemen, more deplorable words from a hateful Lover. Back to ringside.