We cut back to the ring and in one corner stands a mismatched tag team. One wears a pair of pants with tire marks all over them. The other in a plain red singlet with curly blonde hair.
KA-BOOM!
Twin explosions create twin rising plumes of purple smoke, and the Amazing Amarettos, Carlo and Gomez, “magically” appear through the curtain. They regale the crowd as they flourish their capes, twirl their wands, and tip their top hats to the audience in perfectly coordination with each other. Their lovely assistant Suzie steps out through the entry-way in a rather normal, non-magical fashion, and her eyes roll back as she holds out her arms in a half-assed show of presentation. The brothers pose with absolute pomp and majesty before all three make their way down to the ring.
Harold Robbins: The following tag team match is scheduled for one fall and has a 15 minute time limit. Coming to the ring at this time, They hail from Las Vegas, Nevada! At a total combined weight of 480 pounds!
The Amarettos perform all manner of magic tricks as they walk down the ramp, conjuring up all manner of cards, quarters, scarves, confetti, pigeons, and flower bouquets seemingly out of thin air. Carlo and Gomez climb up to the ring from opposite corners and converge at the center of the apron, where they take Suzie by either hand and delicately “levitate” her off the floor, over the ropes, and into the ring before stepping through the ropes themselves. With all three in the ring, they again pose majestically for the audience.
Robbins: The Amazing Amerettos!
The crowd gives a mixed reaction but the boos seems to outweigh the cheers.
Robbins:… And their opponents… Jackson Miller and “Fender Bender Jones!”
The other team poses and gets no reaction whatsoever. They aren’t sure why.
The bell rings as Jackson Miller stays in the ring. Carlo runs right at him and clobbers him with a running ax handle smash across the top of the head.
Howley: So what’s the deal with the magicians?
Moss: Recently they gave up a show in Las Vegas to instead perform in front of the great fans of Classic Wrestling!
Howley: They were fired weren’t they?
Carlo pulls his opponent back to the middle of the ring, before slapping on a side headlock. He reaches behind the ear of Miller and pulls out a silver dollar and holds high into the air for everyone to see!
Moss: Woah, I guess Jackson Miller hasn’t been using his cotton swabs!
Howley: You’ve got to be kidding me…
Amaretto whips his opponent off the rope and when he returns he drills a huge dropkick that lands flush. He stands up and motions to the crowd, expecting them to be impressed. He quickly tags in his twin brother who comes in excitedly.
Howley: How do we tell them apart? These guys look exactly the same.
Moss: You keep track, Carlo I believe is a half inch taller and 3 pounds heavier.
Gomez in the ring takes Jackson Miller and sends him back to a turnbuckle. Gomez runs and lands on the knees of his opponent who shakes his head no!
Moss: Big monkey flip there! Miller lands hard in the ring! Gomez now, wait how did he get the silver dollar!?
He holds it high before palming the large coin. He waves his other hand over the coin a few times and suddenly it disappears. Gomez looks surprised then points to Jackson Miller suspiciously.
He drops a fist across the head of Jackson and then lifts him to his feet. He reaches up and pulls at the curly blonde hair of Jackson Miller and the hair comes off!
Howley: Oh no… he’s not going to…
He is! The hairpiece comes off on the third pull and suddenly the Silver Dollar is stuck to the top of the actually bald head of Mr. Miller.
The fans in the arena chuckle. That’s quickly ended when Gomez picks up Miller and suddenly starts slamming lefts and rights into him. He starts at the head, then moves to the body, and finally back to the head again. He puts and arm wrench on Jackson Miller. Carlo climbs onto the top rope after being tagged in by his brother.
Moss: Uh Oh! Watch the Amazing Amerettos here!
Gomez pulls a loose deck of cards from his pocket and tosses it right up in the air.
Howley: 52 Pickup!
Carlo comes off the top rope with an open hand slap to the back of the opponents head. As he lands he holds up a card he grabbed on the way down. He makes a cover and shows the card. It’s the Ace of Diamonds!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
“Abracadabra” by the Steve Miller Band plays as the Amerettos celebrate with a bow to the fans.
Robbins: The winners of this contest… the team of Carlo and Gomez… The AMAZING AMERETTOS!
Moss: Quite the debut from this spectacular tag team!
Howley: That’s not the word I’d use Moss!