#Abracadabara#
KA-BOOM! Twin explosions create two rising plumes of purple smoke, and the Amazing Amarettos, Carlo and Gomez, “magically” appear on the stage. They regale the crowd as they flourish their capes, twirl their wands, and tip their top hats to the audience in perfect coordination with each other. The Classic fans respond with boos.
Moss: Here comes the magic, Thunderbird!
Howley: Well the fans sure are letting the Amarettos know what they think of their act. How disrespectful!
Their lovely assistant Suzie steps out through the entry-way in a rather normal, non-magical fashion, and her eyes roll back as she holds out her arms in a half-assed show of presentation. The brothers pose with absolute pomp and majesty before all three make their way down to the ring.
Moss: You think, with an opportunity to get a shot at the Tag Titles, they’d be a little more focused on the actual wrestling match right now.
Howley: Maybe they could make that stick up your behind disappear!
The Amarettos perform all manner of magic tricks as they walk down the ramp, conjuring up all manner of cards, quarters, scarves, confetti, pigeons, and flower bouquets seemingly out of thin air.
Robbins: Making their way back to the ring… at a combined weight of four hundred and eighty pounds… The Amazing Amarettos!
Carlo and Gomez climb up to the ring from opposite corners and converge at the center of the apron, where they take Suzie by either hand and delicately “levitate” her off the floor, over the ropes, and into the ring before stepping through the ropes themselves. With all three in the ring, they again pose majestically for the audience.
Howley: ENCORE! ENCORE!
“The Best Around”
Lunchbox Larry jumps out from behind the curtain with a big smile on his face, and each of the Classic Tag Team Titles draped over both of his broad shoulders. A small “Larry! Larry!” chant breaks out and the green grappler can’t help but turn beet red, blushing at the attention.
Howley: Looks like Bob’s still letting Larry carry the gold. Cute.
Moss: Knowing Bobby Dean, the belts just might have become too bothersome to keep lugging around. The man likes to conserve those calories!
Turning a little green himself, Bobby Dean waddles out behind Larry. He steps in front of Larry and starts mouthing “Bobby! Bobby!” as he imagines that all of the adulations belong to him and nobody else. After all, Lunchbox Larry is just some man and not a national television star like Bobby!
Robbins: And their opponents… Classic Wrestling’s Tag Team Champions… BEE! DEE! ESS! EMMMMMMM!!!
It takes a few minutes and more than a little help from Lunchbox Larry, after having to hand off the belts to the referee Filipe Chicoda, but eventually Bobby Dean makes it into the ring. Larry helps Bobby up to his feet, but Dean quickly pushes Lunchbox away after hearing the laughter from the fans. Larry holds up his hands innocently, but Bobby just directs him to step out onto the apron.
Moss: Well looks like Bobby’s ego took a little hit there, and as a result we’re all in for a special treat… Bobby Dean is starting the action for his team!
After a quick conversation at the other corner, Carlo and Gomez decide that the former will take the lead against Dean. Gomez steps out onto the apron.
DING!
Dean takes a step toward Carlo, who charges forward to meet him in the middle of the ring.
Moss: Remember folks, if The Amarettos win this match here tonight, they get another shot at BDSM for their Tag Titles!
Howley: And they sure know it, Moss. The Evil Abra of the Amarettos lunges forward with purpose to grapple the bigger Bobby Dean-
Moss: WHOA! Have you ever seen Dean move that fast, T-bird? Bobby just dropped on a dime and rolled out of the ring!
As Bobby catches his breath after moving faster than he has in years, Chicoda begins to count him out.
1…
Bobby shouts into the ring in despair.
2…
Howley: Is he…
3…
Moss: Yes. It appears Bobby Dean is asking Filipe Chicoda to restart the match?
4…
Both Amarettos turn red and start barking at Chicoda to keep counting.
5…
Bobby pleads once more.
6…
Howley: I think he just claimed that he misunderstood when Chicoda asked if “BDSM was good?”
7…
Moss: Clearly Filipe doesn’t care for Dean’s shenanigans!
8…
Larry waves at his tag partner to get back into the ring.
9…
Just before Chicoda can get to the tenth count, Dean flails his arms in exasperation and rolls back into the ring. Carlo, ready and waiting, reaches down to grab Dean as soon as he’s on the right side of the ropes, but Bobby quickly slaps one of Larry’s boots.
Moss: Dean’s back in, just before the ten count, and he immediately tags his partner Lunchbox Larry into the action!
Howley: Nothing like a good, ol’ boot-tag. If there’s one thing you can count on Bobby Dean for, it’s his unorthodox style.
Moss: Some people call it laziness.
Larry looks up at his opponent from the apron like a deer in headlights. Carlo, looking almost as confused as Lunchbox, holds up his hands and turns to Chicoda to ask if the tag was legit. Chicoda confirms and the Evil Abra turns back to Larry. The two shrug simultaneously then grapple over the top rope in BDSM’s corner.
Moss: Well, it looks like some wrestling will happen in this bout!
Larry and Carlo jostle back and forth, jockeying for leverage.
Howley: OH! The Evil Abra with a sneaky knee to the midsection!
Lunchbox slumps over slightly, bringing him down to the height of Carlo. The Evil Abra takes advantage and uses every bit of his strength to suplex Larry from the outer apron and into the ring.
Moss: Carlo grabs Lunchbox by the hair on his head and lifts him up to his feet. He raises his left hand in the air and waves it around, getting some boos from the fans in reaction.
Carlo whips Larry across the ring into the Amaretto’s corner. Carlo charges behind, and just as Lunchbox hits the turnbuckles, he follows up the impact with a corner body splash.
Moss: Quick tag there by Carlo to get Gomez into the action!
Howley: A real tag, Mossy. From a real tag partner!
The Killer Kadabra enters the ring as Carlo grabs Larry from the corner, turning him around while holding his arms up and away so the young star can’t protect himself.
Howley: And just look at those lefts and rights to the exposed midsection of Lunchbox Larry! Gomez Amaretto is really going to town!
Gomez stops the onslaught of punches and performs a quick 360 spin in place, throwing his arms into the air and receiving more boos from the crowd on behalf of the magic making duo.
Moss: The Killer Kadabra with a killer standing dropkick to Larry’s midsection after the unappreciated twirl for the fans!
Larry drops down to the mat, holding his gut, and rolls out of the ring to catch his breath.
Howley: Looks like ol’ Bobby Dean has taught the kid a move or two!
Chicoda leans up against the ropes, barking down at Lunchbox to get back into the ring or he’ll start to count. Bobby Dean, seeing the events unfolding and spiraling out of control, reaches under the apron…
Moss: Are those…?
Howley: FILIPE, TURN AROUND!
Moss: Twinkies?!?
As Larry begins to step back up onto the apron to get into the ring, he sees Bobby roll in on the other side, carefully holding the timeless pastries in each hand. Lunchbox points into the ring, hoping Chicoda will turn around and stop his tag team partner from cheating, but Filipe tells him to knock it off with the games and starts to count Larry out!
1…
Larry urges Chicoda to turn around, but Filipe waves him off again, telling the youngster to get back into the ring.
2…
Bobby sneaks as much as a man that large can sneak, positioning himself right behind Gomez Amaretto, who’s also shouting at Larry to quit the act and get back into the ring.
3…
Howley: This could very well be a preview of an upcoming Tag Team Title match, folks. Think about that.
4…
Carlo, amidst all the chaos, catches sight of Bobby from the corner of his eye. Looking horrified, he shouts out to Gomez to turn around.
5…
Moss: Gomez turns! OH MAN, BOBBY DEAN JUST SMASHED A TWINKIE RIGHT IN THE KILLER KADABRA’S FACE!
6…
Howley: Carlo’s having none of this anymore! He just jumped into the ring as the illegal man and he’s charging at Bo-
7…
Moss: AND HE GETS THE SECOND TWINKIE TO THE FACE!
Bobby shuffles out of the way, not before grabbing a chunk of a twinkie off Gomez’s face and stuffing it into his mouth, and rolls out of the ring.
8…
Larry throws his hands up, giving up on reasoning with Chicoda, and slides back into the ring. Filipe finally turns and sees the chaos that had unfolded behind him as both Amaretto’s roll around trying to wipe crushed twinkie off their faces.
Moss: Chicoda rushes over to the ropes on the side of the ring Dean just exited and looks to be interrogating him about what just happened. Dean’s just shrugging it off!
Howley: Gotta give it to the man, he’s a pro at what he does, Moss!
Chicoda gives one last warning to Dean, then turns and questions Larry.
Moss: Time for Larry’s turn at questioning. He doesn’t seem so cool as his partner in crime, Thunderbird!
Lunchbox squirms as Filipe asks what he saw. Chicoda, still in Larry’s face, starts pointing toward Bobby outside the ring, then to the Amaretto’s still trying to unblind themselves. Larry looks over at Dean, sadness filling his eyes, then ultimately drops his head in shame and nods at Chicoda like a kid who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
Howley: Wait, did he…?
Chicoda calls for the bell!
Moss: I think Larry just fessed up! Have you ever seen –
Howley: No, Moss. Whatever you were going to follow that up with… No.
DING DING DING!
Robbins: And your winners, by disqualification… THE AMAZING… AAAAAAMAAAAAAARETTOSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
Moss: Looks like the Amarettos will get a shot at the Tag Team Championships!
Howley: Thanks to the Tag Champs, themselves! Turnabout is fair play, even for a couple of dorky magicians.