“You’re the Best” blares through the arena as the crowd stands to their feet and begin to cheer for the always a fan favorite Bobby Dean.
Moss: Bobby has been here in Classic Wrestling since the inception, and no man is more deserving of this opportunity.
Bobby comes out from the back and raises both his arms high in the air and begins walking down the ramp. It looks like he’s pausing to soak in the cheers, but he’s really just catching his breath.
Robbins: Introducing first from The Third Stall on the right. Weighing in at 369 and ½ pounds…. He is the one the only Beautiful BOBBY DEAN!!!!
As Bobby reaches the ring steps he once again pauses to catch his breath.
Moss: Usually Larry would be with him, but he went through his own battle earlier tonight.
Slowly Bobby gets into the ring and awaits his opponent. Suddenly the eardrum-splitting opening riff to Stranglehold gets the fans in attendance up out of their seats. A moment passes before a loud, gravely voice can be heard in a hundred yards in every direction even over The Nooge’s seminal shred-fest.
“HOOOOOOOOOOO-AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!”
King Kong Frank emerges with a 10-foot steel chain wrapped around his neck, title around his waist and a wild look in his eyes! He hoots and hollers and gets everyone whipped into a frenzy before breaking off into the crowd and swinging his chain at anybody not smart enough to be out of his way! The Madman from the Smoky Mountains smiles his big ugly smile underneath his big ugly beard and he terrorizes his way toward the ringside area.
Robbins: And his opponent. He IS the PREMIER AMERICAN CHAMPION. He is KIIIIINGGGGG KOOOOOONNNGGGG FRRRRRAAAAAANNNNKKKK!!!
Fans scatter in his wake as he steps over the ringside guardrail and stalks up the steps and into the ring, this time stepping over the top rope and then parading around the ring, swinging that chain, daring anybody to stop him.
The ref stands between the two men and holds up the Premier American Championship high in the air. He hands it off to the timekeeper who is right at ringside and calls for the bell.
Moss: And here we go.
Howley: PAC title is on the line and these two men are ready…. Well in Bobby’s case, Readyish…. To fight.
Frank and Bobby stand at opposite sides of the ring as the bell sounds. Frank takes a couple of steps forward, as does Bobby, but he pauses for a moment and holds a hand up.
After a few deep breaths Bobby waves on and both men come face to face. Neither man is backing down, even if Bobby looks a bit winded.
Frank goes for a collar and elbow lock up, but Bobby blocks it. Frank once again goes for another and Bobby is heard shouting “That doesn’t work for me Brother!”, and then getting winded. Frank shakes his head and throws a haymaker right towards Bobby. It lands flush, but Bobby doesn’t falter.
Bobby reaches back and lands one of his own. It doesn’t stagger Frank, if anything it fires up Frank who chops the chest of Bobby.
Crowd: WHOOOOOOOO!
Moss: That echo is something to behold!
Howley: Yeah those ripples on Bobby’s chest could sink a small island!
Bobby seems unaffected and reaches back and chops Frank. He stumbles backwards a bit but not much.
Crowd: WHOOOOOOO!
Moss: These two giants are just trading blows and we are all caught in the crossfire.
Howley: No, we get to witness what happens when an immovable object meets an object that doesn’t want to move!
The two men trade chops back and forth for a minute or so. Each chop leaving a mark on the chest of the other, when Frank blocks a Bobby attempt, and straight elbows him in the jaw. Then he takes off towards the ropes, and Bobby does the same only much slower.
Moss: Frank moving with a purpose to the ropes…
Howley: Bobby’ll get there eventually.
As Frank comes back Bobby is barely to the ropes but manages to turn and meet Frank three quarters of the way. Both men crash into each other, but neither man falling. Bobby does lean back but catches himself, as Frank roars and pounds his chest. Frank takes off towards the ropes again, and Bobby thinks about it for a moment then decides against it. Instead he catches his breath as Frank rebounds and comes barreling towards him.
Moss: These collisions remind me of the old A Bomb videos…
Howley: Only slightly less horrifying.
As Frank goes to crash into Bobby with a shoulder, Bobby manages to catch the rushing Frank and lifts him from the ground. Bobby takes a few steps forward before slamming Frank to the mat. Bobby tries to get off of Frank but struggles and it resembles a pin.
ONE!
TWO!
Frank manages to get a shoulder up, with the help of Bobby trying to get off of him.
Moss: Not sure if Bobby was going for the pin.
Howley: I don’t think he was, but it almost worked.
Moss: Almost.
Bobby uses the ropes to get to his feet and is hunched over in between the top and middle rope. Frank crawls to his feet and takes a moment to catch his breath and brace for impact. Yet it never comes. Frank looks up and sees Bobby gasping for air.
Moss: Both men winded.
Howley: One because he was slammed, the other because it’s a day that ends in Y.
Franks roars once again and runs towards Bobby. Lifting his knee to the side of Bobby’s head. Bobby tumbles out of the ring and on to the apron.
Moss: Bobby almost went through the time keeper’s table.
Howley: I ask again… Why is that there anyways? Seems like a major hazard.
Moss: Something about space.
Howley: Sure.
Bobby is dazed on the apron hovering just above the table, as Frank once again gets a head of steam and dives between the top and middle rope, right into the plush gut of Bobby. Bobby tries to hold onto the top rope but the grease from his hands causes him to let go of the rope.
**CRASH**
The run bell goes flying into the air landing several feet away. The table is in a million pieces. As both Bobby and Frank lay on the concrete floor. Motionless.
Moss: HOLY S**T!!!!!
Howley: What the hell just happened?!
Moss: Neither man is moving….
Howley: They might be dead.
The ref is stunned by what just happened. He’s not quite sure what to do. Rather than counting the men out he crawls over to the damage and assesses the situation.
Moss: I hope both men are okay.
Howley: I told you that was a hazard.
Moss: I don’t know why you’re telling me this. I didn’t put it there.
Howley: Oh man the lawsuits that are going to come out of this…
The ref waves towards the ramp as several EMT’s come rushing down with two gurneys. They first get Frank onto the board and begin wheeling him up the ramp and lock it in place near the top, as it’s going to take all hands on deck to get Bobby onto the stretcher.
Moss: This doesn’t look good for anyone involved. I’m just sorry that people had to witness this.
Howley: We should just be thankful this didn’t happen on TV and people had to actually pay to see this.
It takes six men to finally lift Bobby onto the stretcher. As they begin to push it towards the ramp Bobby begins to come to. He begins to rattle the gurney, and eventually the EMT’s stop. Bobby slowly climbs off the stretcher and leans on the ring to hold himself up. One leg first and then the other as he rolls into the ring like a beached whale.
Moss: What the hell is he doing?!?
Howley: The match isn’t over….
Moss: It should be! We’ve never seen anything like this before!
Howley: What can you expect. Bobby Dean…. Heart arteries clogged and a brain as empty as the day is long.
Moss: Thankfully this match will end since Frank….
No one had noticed that Frank himself was off of his stretcher as well, and slowly dragging himself to the ring too. As the crowd cheers both men.
Moss: Oh come on! Neither man is in any shape to compete.
Howley: Well when the Premier American Championship is on the line, you don’t quit…. Even if you should.
Frank hobbles to the ring and cautiously slides under the bottom rope. Eventually both men are on their feet , face to face, as the crowd is going crazy.
Moss: Well against their better judgement…
Howley: This match ain’t over yet!
Both men begin throwing wild shots at the other. Both men stagger backwards and then fire forward to continue the fight. Bobby gets the upper hand and lifts Frank for a scoop slam.
Moss: Frank is out on Dream street.
Howley: Bobby is getting a head of steam….
Moss: Oh wait, he’s taking a break…
Howley: And he’s back at it…
Bobby leaps into the air.
Moss: I’M FALLING AND I CAN’T GET UP!!!
Howley: NOOOOOOOOO
Frank manages to roll out of the way at the last second, as Bobby lands flat on his rear end. Franks drags himself the corner and gets to his feet. Clearly winded Bobby takes his time getting up.
Moss: Here comes Frank!
Frank leaps towards Bobby, but the same as earlier Bobby catches him. Only this time it’s in a bear hug. Bobby squeezes as hard as he can, shaking Frank wildly until he goes limp. The ref checks on Frank.
He raises his arm…
It falls.
He raises it a second time…
It falls.
Then finally a third time.
Right before it falls it shoots to life.
Moss: Frank is still in this!
Howley: How in the hell!!!
Frank punches Bobby in the head, but nothing happens. Then again. Same result. Frank then claps both ears of Bobby at the same time, causing the big man to drop Frank to his feet.
Moss: Frank is down…
Howley: Can he capitalize?
Frank kicks the shin of Bobby, and due to all the wear and tear of the match, Bobby goes down to a knee. Frank roars, as the crowd stands on their feet. Bobby looks up at Frank.
Moss: SMOKY MOUNTAIN SPIKE!
It lands flush. Bobby crumples to the mat, as the last bit of energy Frank had went into that one move, as he falls on top of Bobby.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Robbins: The winner of this match, and STILLLLLL PREMIER AMERICAN CHAMPION…. KING KONG FRANK!