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Mikey Unlikey's Fed of All Feds

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No Excuses

October 3, 2021 by mikey

As we come back from a commercial break, Otto Price stands in front of his podium, his stylish thin microphone in his right hand.

Otto Price:  I’d like to welcome to the stage right now, the Real World’s Champion, “All Business” Alex Bruder.

“Train of Consequences” blares over the speakers, and just as promised, Alex Bruder emerges from the curtain and casually makes his way towards Otto.  He is adorned in a hunter green t-shirt that fits him like a second skin, dark blue jeans and black hiking boots.  The Real World’s Championship is strapped around his waist.  He stands a foot or so away from Otto, but stares off towards an increasingly uncomfortable fan in the third row.

Otto Price:  Alex Bruder, in our last episode, you teamed with Lord Colossus and faced off against Rush Starling and “Metro” Vito Valentino.  In that match, you suffered your first loss in a Classic Wrestling ring.  Surely you have something to say about the outcome of that bout.

Bruder meets Otto’s eyes, shrugging his shoulders slightly, and goes back to glaring at a different fan.

Otto Price:  Mr. Bruder, please!  I know that you’re a proud man; certainly you’ve got a word for our audience about being pinned in the center of the ring by Vito Valentino.

A cheer erupts at the reminder of Vito’s victory.  If anything, Alex appears to be trying to stare holes through one of the children who seemed most enthusiastic about it.

Otto Price:  Champ, if you didn’t want to talk to me, why did you agree to this interview?

“All Business” scowls, and fully meets Otto’s gaze, forcing him to unconsciously take half a step back.  With his pointer and middle finger, he motions for Otto to bring him the microphone.  The crowd jeers, and Alex waits them out before speaking in a low growl.

Alex Bruder:  What do you want from me, Otto?  Do you want me to cry some crocodile tears?  I fought, I lost, and I ain’t happy about it. Now, If I were “Metro”, I’d be out here sobbing about how I didn’t mean to attack Alex Bruder before the match.  I’d tell  you how sorry I was, and how I acted out of character because I was just so mad at the champ.  If I were Vito, maybe I’d be emotional about how the second I got my foot on the ropes, Chip Newman’s supposed to start a five count to break Alex’s Cobra Clutch, and not count my illegal pin.  If I were good ol’ Vito Valentino, I’d ask for forgiveness from the crowd, because after weeks of running my mouth, I took a couple more shortcuts because I know what happens in a fair fight against Alex Bruder.

More booing from the crowd, but this time Alex ignores it.

Alex Bruder:  But there ain’t a soul in this building who’d confuse “All Business” Alex Bruder with Vito Valentino, least of all while I’m wearing this Real World’s Championship!

Otto motions for the crowd to stop their booing.

Otto Price:  So your reaction to your first loss is to fault the official

Bruder’s nostril flares as he stares down Otto..

Alex Bruder:  I’d expect you to be a better listener, Price.  Making excuses is what Vito Valentino does.  That’s not my game.  I didn’t lose because my partner got changed on me in the middle of preparing for that match, and I didn’t lose because “Metro” assaulted me before our scheduled match,and I didn’t lose because the referee doesn’t know how to do his job.  I lost because even though I’ve had Vito Valentino pegged as a two-faced hypocrite since day one, I fell for his con.  He hoodwinked me.  He stands out here begging for the love of the crowd, wanting to be the hero of children everywhere, and he got me.  I forgot that when it comes to winning a match, he likes to play in the dirt as much as anybody.  He just tries to pretend he doesn’t.  The boy’s good, but it’s not going to work again.

Otto Price:  The last time we talked, I asked you who your first challenger for your Real World’s Champion would be.  At that time, you said you didn’t know.  With our next pay-per-view In Your (Haunted) House announced for the end of this month, and with “Metro” Vito Valentino’s pinfall victory over you, albeit in a tag match, will you answer his repeated challenges for a match for the title?

To more boos, Alex simply turns away from Otto and walks out of frame.

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