#Old Town Maine#
Lunchbox Larry pops out of the curtain to a great reaction from the Classic Connesuirs in the studio tonight! With his trusty lunch pail in one giant hand, Larry raises his other arm to an ovation that just about brings a tear to the young Tag Team Champ’s eyes. Well, that is until the record literally scratches and Larry’s theme is replaced with…
#You’re the Best (Around)#
Bobby Dean bebops his way out and immediately plunges himself right in front of Larry. Bobby soaks in the crowd’s love for Larry as he literally blocks out the spotlight that had been shining on his young protege. For those keeping score at home, Bobby has both tag team titles strapped together around his monumental waist.
Howley: Ain’t Bobby Dean great?
Moss: Are you feelin’ okay, Thunderbird?
Howley: ‘Course I am, Moss, why?
Moss: No reason…
Bobby grabs Larry’s lunchbox and shoos the greenhorn into the ring before turning his attention to the stash of slightly melty candy bars that the big kid from Maine had no idea that Bobby had smuggled into his signature accessory.
#New World Symphony, 4th Movement#
Eddie Dante is out first, leading his men like the general that he is! Out next is Mushigihara with a scowl on his face and a set of eyes that could send a grown man crying to his mother. Behind his partner and manager is Leon Van Zandt, the Belgian Brutalizer is all business tonight as he stalks past Dante and Mushi and immediately takes his place in the ring, going eye to eye with the larger Lunchbox Larry. Larry does his best to match Leon’s intensity but even a blind man can see that the Gent from Ghent is already living rent-free inside of Larry’s head.
Howley: Look at that, Moss, Van Zandt’s already won the mental game and the bell hasn’t even rung!
Moss: That may be true, T-bird, but look at the size of this kid! He’s a blue-chipper for sure! He’s just gotta put it all together!
Howley: Not gonna lie, he’s got himself a hell of a teacher, but Leon Van Zandt ain’t the kind of guy you wanna cut your teeth on if yer pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down!
The music fades and referee Chip Newman calls for the bell!
DING! DING!! DING!!!
The Belgian Brutalizer charges in at the behest of Eddie Dante at ringside, but Larry is just as quick as he is big and he sidesteps LVZ! There is no reaction from Larry’s player/coach at ringside because Bobby is deep into his fourth or fifth candy bar and has apparently completely forgotten that Larry is in there with one of the two men that desperately want to relieve him of both of those tag title belts.
Moss: Van Zandt a little overzealous there!
Howley: All part of the plan, Moss!
Larry is across the ring and rebounding from the ropes before LVZ can even turn around, and when he does he’s got the leaping frame of Lunchbox coming at him like a nose-diving jumbo jet!
Moss: KNUCKLE SAAAAAMMIIIIEEEEEE!!!
As it turns out, Leon is pretty quick himself, ducking Larry’s leaping punch and leaning into his body, hooking the bigger man by the head and arm and transitioning him down to the mat so smoothly that you’d be excused if you said he’d absolutely planned it that way.
Howley: Rookie mistake! He’s gonna pay for that!
Larry flops like a fish out of water, putting every bit of size and strength that he has into keeping Leon from locking in his dreaded Sugar Hold finisher! It doesn’t matter one iota, LVZ is a master at his craft and Larry’s greener than a goose turd. As such it takes Leon less than a second to have Larry down on the mat and almost completely tied up.
Howley: Told ya!
It’s only now that Bobby Dean casually looks up from his now empty stolen lunchbox and takes notice of his partner’s predicament. Without a second thought, Bobby reaches a flabby arm in and snags Larry by the boot, pulling his foot under the bottom rope before LVZ can synch it in fully. Eddie Dante is apoplectic at ringside and immediately sends Mushigihara around ringside to take care of the Foreign Legion’s “light” work.
Bobby Dean shrieks like a small child and takes off running away from The Emporer. He makes it about four steps before he’s completely blown up and gasping for air.
Moss: This is ridiculous.
Howley: Over here, Bobbo! I’ll save you!
Referee Chip Newman considers ejecting Bobby for getting involved. He makes Leon break the hold and the Professional is immediately up and in his face demanding a disqualification. In all of the confusion, Larry shoots his shot again, reaching up and pulling LVZ down for a textbook schoolboy roll-up.
LVZ kicks out with as much authority as one can from a schoolboy. Immediately he’s back on the attack, wrestling circles around the younger opponent. Meanwhile, Bobby Dean has found his way to the commentary desk at the behest of apparently his biggest fan, Joel Howley.
Howley: Shove over, Moss! Let the man have a seat!
Oblivious, Bobby somehow manages to take Moss’s seat as the play-by-play man dives out of the way.
BBD: Didja see that? That Moo Shu Gai Pan almost got me! But I got away!
Howley: You sure did, Bobbo!
Meanwhile, back in the ring Lunchbox Larry has managed to take the upper hand on Leon Van Zandt by sheer force of willpower and human mass. He plants LVZ with a gutwrench suplex but isn’t able to capitalize on it before Eddie Dante hops up onto the apron from ringside, brandishing that wooden cane of his as if he wants to take a shot at Lunchbox.
Patrick Moss, having taken a knee beside the commentary desk, rolls his eyes.
Moss: Here we go…
BBD: Are we going somewhere? Can we get something to eat? I skipped elevensies and second breakfast getting Larry ready for his big match!
As Newman turns to admonish Dante on the apron Mushigihara rolls into the ring. Larry never sees him and before he knows it Mushi has muscled him backward, up and over, and dropped him high on the upper back and shoulders with the Empororer Suplex! Larry lands hard and the momentum actually causes him to end up back on his feet, albeit completely on rubber legs.
Howley: Looks like your partner’s out of his league in there, Bobbo!
BBD: Not my problem! The kid practically begged me not to overshadow him again like I did when I single-handedly won us these Tag Team Titles!
Mushi rolls out just in time for Chip Newman to almost catch him! As the referee turns away from Dante to admonish The Empororer, Eddie tosses the cane in to Leon Van Zandt who quickly puts it to its intended purpose.
Larry goes down hard. Leon tosses the International Object away as Eddie drops down and hustles over to Mushi, pushing his monster back and away from the ring with the most innocent face he can put on for the referee. Newman turns around just in time to see Leon hook the unconscious Lunchbox Larry into the Sugar Hold. After a cursory check, he calls for the bell.
DING! DING!! DING!!!
Moss: What a sham!
Howley: Ya really do hate to see that.
BBD: See? I’ve been trying to tell everybody that BDSM is all about me, Bobby Dean! Does anybody listen? OF COURSE NOT!
Howley: Proof’s in the pudding, am I right?
BBD: Mmm! Pudding! Hey Joel, make your lackey go get me some pudding!
Howley: You heard the man, Moss! Get him some pudding!
In the ring Mushigihara has rejoined his partner and the two of them get to the business of putting boots to Larry while Eddie Dante directs traffic. After some pleading from the referee and a threat to overturn the match, they finally leave the kid alone and take their leave of the ring. Eddie Dante couldn’t be happier.
BBD: All this pudding talk has me famished! I’mma go get me a snack! See ya later!
With that Bobby vacates Moss’s seat and waddles his way backstage as the referee helps Larry get to his feet inside the ring. It will take the entirety of the commercial break for either tag champion to get to where they’re going and that’s funny because reasons. #fatshame