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Law Of The Jungle

February 28, 2022 by mikey

Otto Price is in the middle of the ring, a smile a mile wide on his face.

Price:  Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in welcoming at this time, “Feral” Freddy Kilgore!

The opening strands of Motley Crew’s “Wild Side” blare over the speakers, and Papa Wild Thang walks through the curtain flanked by “Wild” Kat Diamond. He leans back and lets loose an intense, feral howl and the Classic fans in attendance howl back. He makes his way down to the ring, slapping all the outstretched hands on the way. He reaches the ring, sliding under the bottom rope and in one fluid motion he’s back up on his feet.  Otto’s attempts to get his attention fall on temporarily deaf ears, as Kilgore leaps up on the second turnbuckle, screaming with the studio audience.  He drops down and runs back to the front of the ring, sitting on the second rope and lifting the top to allow Kat, who did not run to the ring, to enter more easily.  With that settled, and his music dying down, Kilgore steps up to Price, as Kat takes a place just behind and beside him.

Price:  Our last show was a mixed bag for both of us.  I’d like to thank you for what you did when “All Business” Alex Bruder became upset and grabbed me.

Kilgore: Well let me lay it on ya like this, Otta-mobile! In the deepest, darkest corners of the wild, there are predators… and there are scavengers. The predators – the proud, the strong, the powerful… the PAPA WILD THANGS… seek out a challenge. They search for fellow apex beasts to test their mettle, Otto. And then… you have the scavengers. Those creatures who are too small, too weak, too gutless to face a real challenge. They scrounge off the bones. They pick off the weakest of the herd. They punch down, Otto. And last week, Alex Bruder revealed himself. He’s no predator. He’s no champion. He’s no warrior. He decided to pick a fight with an announcer… he’s one thing and one thing only, Otto-bon…

Kilgore pauses, nodding and milking the moment before continuing.

Kilgore: He’s a bully, baby. And Papa Wild Thang can’t now and will never stomach a bully!

The crowd roars along with Kilgore, who seems more frenzied than his baseline, which is saying something.

Price:  I did speak with Mr. Bruder this past week….

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Price:  …and he assured me that he wasn’t going to hurt me.  He insisted that it was just a prank.

Kilgore’s eyes bulge out of his head.

Kilgore:  A JOKE!? A JOKE!? That ain’t no joke, baby.

Price:  It’s true, he’s not known for his sense of humor.

Kilgore:  I’ll tell you what’s a joke, Otto-man!  Alex Bruder spent all of our Christmas break crying to anyone who would listen to him that when I took his head off and put him down for the 1-2-3, that I’d taken advantage of my size!  He said that if he knew I’d be his opponent, he’d rely on his superior strategies and advanced techniques to defeat me between the ropes!  And when we got into the ring in the main event last week, when Bruder had his chance to put his money where his LITTLE MOUTH IS… he waited for Walt Whezl to distract me so he could take me out from behind, like a coward! You wanna talk about jokes? THAT’S A DAMN FUNNY JOKE TO PAPA WILD THANG!

Price:  You did end up on the wrong side of the decision on our last show.  And it sounds like you’re not taking it lying down.

Kilgore whips his head back and forth.

Kilgore: I’m gonna tell you something right now, Otto: last week Papa Wild Thang got a letter from one of his Little Wild Hearts. He said that Freddy Kilgore inspired him to keep fighting and that it HURT when he saw me locked in that Cobra Clutch. But you know what? He saw Freddy Kilgore fight! He saw Freddy Kilgore struggle! He now knows one of life’s most important lessons: sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but when you’re the KING OF THE JUNGLE… YOU GIVE IT YOUR ALL! EACH! AND! EVERY! TIIIIIIIME!!

Kilgore howls, and his howls are answered by the crowd.

Kilgore:  I know you’re back there, Bruder, and I’ve got something to say that you’ll want to hear!  It might not make a difference to you, but I like to look a man in the eyes when I’ve got news for him!

Kilgore and Price look expectantly at the entrance curtains, and neither seem much surprised when Alex Bruder emerges in street clothes, locking eyes with Kilgore as he marches to the ring without fanfare, but with an audible disapproval from the crowd.  Bruder climbs up onto the apron and steps into the ring, walking to the other side of Otto Price, as “Wild” Kat Diamond shifts from Freddy’s side to the nearest corner.

Kilgore:  At Classic Wrestling’s Christmas show, you got the gift of feeling The Call of the Wild! But it seems to me, baby, that thanks to his underhanded tactics last week… Freddy Kilgore and Alex Bruder are one-and-one, aren’t they!? What do you say we find out once and for all who is the bull of the Classic woods, Otto!? I’M BREAKING THE NEWS RIGHT NOW, BABY: FREDDY KILGORE WANTS A PIECE OF ALEX BRUDER AT CAPITAL CLASH!!!

The crowd explodes with this news.

Kilgore:  YOU HAVE ONE MONTH, BRUDER! GET READY! YOU AND PAPA WILD THANG – MANO E MANO!!

Bruder thinks about it for a second, and waits for Price to bring the microphone to him.

Bruder:  And if I say I’ve got nothing else to prove, after I knocked you out last time?

“Feral” Freddy Kilgore smiles and laughs.

Kilgore:  Ha!  This isn’t a challenge, Bruder!  The match is made!  Papa Wild Thang is going to be there, ready to fight!  If you don’t think you can hang, Freddy Kilgore will take the count out win! But I gotta tell ya, baby: I don’t think that’s how it’s going to go down!  I think in one month’s time, you’ll be standing across the ring from Freddy Kilgore!  But baby… YOU WON’T BE STANDING LONG!

Kilgore howls again, and then steps up to Bruder, looking down at him.  Bruder meets his gaze for a moment, and then peels off, dropping to the mat, and rolling out of the ring, as Kilgore hops up to the top rope to fire up his Wild Hearts!!

Otto Price: There you’ve got it, folks! In one month’s time… Capital Clash… Freddy Kilgore locks horns with Alex Bruder!

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