Something appears to be wrong with the broadcast, as the beautiful crystal clear HD image is replaced by grainy, slightly undercranked footage of two men approaching each other from either side of a warm, white dojo. On the left, a fit blond man wearing a bright lime gi drops into a classic martial arts pose, his left foot and arm forward, with his right leg back and right arm close to his chest. On the right side a slightly taller man in a royal purple gi with brown hair adopts a deep squat, his hands held out flat as blades. Both men leap into the air, kicking and screaming “Hai-Ya!”
Roddy: “Fans of Classic Wrestling, I’m Ken Roddy, and the tall guy over there is my best friend, Joe Jitsu. We’ve traveled the world –
Jitsu: “The whole world!”
Roddy: – to become masters of all of the martial arts. Together we have vowed to use our mastery of these ancient ways only to do good – “
Jitsu: “So good!”
Roddy: “- and strike down evil wherever it dares show its wicked face.”
Ken’s enthusiastic smile drops as he addresses the audience at home.
Roddy: “Now Classic, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’ve got a very bad case of the no-goods right now.”
Jitsu: “The worst!”
Roddy: “You have malicious magicians, awful Australians, and even horrendous homunculi!”
Jitsu: “Garish golems, Ken!”
Roddy: “It seems to us that there’s a lot of work to be done, and we’re just the men to do it.”
Both men flash bright smiles, when suddenly the screen fills with smoke! As it starts to dissipate, Ken and Joe find themselves surrounded by a half dozen black clad ninjas.
Joe Jitsu’s face drops.
Jitsu: “Not again!”
Both men fly into action, as we get tight shots of fists being thrown, chops being chopped, and kicks snapping onto the edges of the screen, matched with separate shots of ninjas energetically flipping head over heels and onto the floor of the dojo.
Ken and Joe survey the result of their efforts, preparing themselves to finish off their foes, when the image is replaced with a still frame with the text “Footage Missing”. It returns to our grainy heroes, their hair slightly askance but looking otherwise no worse for the wear.
Ken speaks with a forceful, booming voice.
Roddy: “That was an epic battle, friends -”
Jitsu: “SO EPIC!”
Roddy: “ – and that’s just the beginning. We’ll see you all in Classic Wrestling as soon as we can get there. Tell him who we are, Joe!”
Joe, clearly not bestowed with an indoor voice, exclaims for all the world.
Jitsu: “We’re The Black Belts!”
Both men leap into the air with flying thrust kicks, and then freeze in place, but we can still hear them scream their final battle cry.
Both: “HAI-YA!”