We are here at ringside for our opening contest of the evening, as Desert Eagle and Jay Evans are already in the ring!
Robbins: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to your opening contest scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, From Shreveport, Louisiana weighing in tonight at 217 pounds, he is the Money Maker…JAAAAY EVAAAANS!
The crowd jeers the newcomer, who brashly taunts them as a sign of disrespect.
Robbins: And his opponent, hailing from Washington, D.C. and weighing in tonight at 250 pounds, he is the Lone Star…DESERRRRT EEEEEAGLEEEE!
Desert Eagle flexes his patriotic muscles, drawing even louder jeers from the crowd who seem less than thrilled with his antics. With that, the ref calls for the bell to kick this match off!
The two men lock up, with Eagle clearly taking the advantage as he slams Evans down to the canvas before flexing for the crowd, who boo him. Eagle pays them no mind as he goes back on the attack with some hard boots to show Evan just what American freedom feels like!
Moss: What a power play by Desert Eagle!
Howley: Looks like Evans is gonna have to figure out a new strategy, and quick!
Evans manages to get back to his feet eventually, fending off the might of the Eagle with a drop toe hold that brings him down to the canvas! Evans stays on the attack, looking to keep the Eagle grounded with some stomps of his own before hitting a leg drop! Evans with the cover…BUT EAGLE KICKS OUT BEFORE THE COUNT OF ONE!
Moss: Eagle kicking out of that with authority!
Howley: I’m tellin’ ya Money Maker, you really need to change your game plan here!
The thing about the distance from commentary to the ring, however, is that Evans is unable to hear Howley’s pleas as he runs the ropes, looking for a drop kick to the now-standing Eagle…who drops the Money Maker hard with a clothesline! Bringing the rapper back to his feet, the Lone Star calls for the end and locks his arms around the waist!
Moss: Oh my, he’s locked in that bearhug tight!
Howley: Desert Eagle has the right to Bear Arms, and he is exercising that right against the Money Maker here tonight!
Evans is fighting as hard as he can, but is overcome by the strength of those 25-inch anacondas as he starts to fade. The ref raises his arm, but Evans never responds before the ref calls for the bell!
DING! DING! DING!
Eagle drops the Money Maker down to the canvas as the ref raises his arm in victory.
Robbins: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner as a result of a submission, the Lone Star…DESERRRRT EEEEEEEEAGLEEEEEEE!
The crowd boos the Lone Star, who flexes despite their disapproval before we cut back to commentary.
Moss: What a win for the Desert Eagle here tonight, over Jay Evans!
Howley: Evans was looking to fight power with power and it cost him against the Lone Star!