The scene opens to a giant blue “CW” sign filling the entire screen. Standing front and center is Scott Hunter, dressed for the ring despite not being booked. The edges of his body look smudged, like maybe the audio-visual people aren’t too experienced with green screen technology. Hunter sighs heavily, then puts his hands on his hips, and frowns.
Scott Hunter: “Earlier today, I came up here to this arena, where Classic Wrestling will be held tonight and was told in no uncertain terms that I was not booked for the evening. Obviously, I was furious. Apparently, they emailed me about it three weeks ago, but my dumb assistant Craig didn’t tell me about it. THANKS A LOT, CRAIG! Needless to say, I went to the office immediately to give them a piece of my mind. I was all…. why am I not booked?? And they were all… because we have a great big roster and you need to take turns! And I was all, I don’t take turns! Do I look like some orphan sharing a football with you?? And they were all, well that’s just the way it is. And I said, look here Bruce Hornsby, you don’t want me on your show tonight, that’s your loss. You’re making a big mistake because I am on a roll here in Classic Wrestling. I am UNDEFEATED IN 2022, and no one except for maybe 14 or 15 other people can say that. And they were all, well, why are you here then? And I was all, hey you can take your show and shove it! And they were all, do you want to get some TV time to address your frustrations on the show? And I was all, I’m not your dog looking for table scraps! I don’t even have paws! That being said, yes please I would like some TV time.”
Hunter moves his hands in front of them, and clasps them together, rubbing his hands as he speaks.
Scott Hunter: “So here I am. I am mad as a HORNET(WINZ)! I haven’t been this angry since junior high when a teacher suspended me for referring to reading books as ‘spreading book cheeks’. But I rose to overcome her false imprisonment and I will rise to overcome this blatant snub as well. I haven’t lost a match since… well I can’t even remember when. What I do know is I have well over 4 wins in this company, and I’m here to serve notice again that whoever you are, whatever little shiny gold nugget you’ve got perched around your protruding bellies, that a world with Scott Hunter on the show is a world none of you want to live in. It’s like a cheeseburger without a bun, a hot dog without a bun, a librarian without a bun. What I’m saying here is…. YOU NEED BUNS! And what is that, a hot plate?? That’s how Buddy Holly died! Get that thing outta here, and don’t come at me with all of your ‘Buddy Holly died in a plane crash’ nonsense either. We all know there was a hot plate on that plane. Every single one of you, enjoy your time off this week, because the next time you see me, I will be very ANGRILY destroying you with a random combination of my hands AND my feet! You hear me? You lucked out, you overweight bloviated baboons. No more time off. It’s time I go to work.”
Hunter holds up a fist and stares menacingly into the camera as the scene fades out.